Sunday, February 27, 2011

Weekend Update


Worked late in the office at CBC.

CBC Basketball Game!!

Work at Old Navy


Slept in.

Froze at the Driving Range.

Lunch at Red Robin.

Work at Old Navy.

Made Pasta Salad for Hubby.

Read through a cook book and plan to make some new stuff.


Early Service.

Children’s Church Fun!

Afternoon of Organizing and planning.

Sale Shopping w/ my Hubby. Shoes from Target. Toiletries from CVS. Groceries from Dillons. Saved lots of money :)

Fried Fish, Garlic Cheese Biscuits, & Broccoli & Cheese potatoes.

Worked on Speech.


Door open all afternoon and evening.

We have a full week ahead but I feel ready for it. I have a speech and exam this week and lots of other projects to work on. Lots of hours at Old Navy too.

Hubby is working A lot!! He now has four jobs. Old Navy, Nearly Famous Deli, Lami, & UPS @ the Airport.

Father, I give you our week and all the pieces and parts to is. I pray for strength, peace, and calmness this week. I pray for no emotional break downs or hormonal outbursts. I pray for Joy Joy Joy!! In Jesus name. Amen.

Thursday, February 24, 2011


My oh so Faithful Heavenly Father

My oh so Incredible Husband

My oh so Wonderful Family

My oh so True Friends

I am Blessed & Thankful!!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011


There are times when I just feel so completely unworthy!!

When I can only see my flaws and they are so loud and big!!!

When I can't see good no matter how hard I try!!!

I feel like that today and I know that it is LIES!!! LIES!!! LIES!!!

I know that some of what I see is truth but the Lies come in when I can't see the good with the bad.
I feel like I am not lovable because I am emotional, have been frustrated, moody, angry, whinny, negative, ugly, snappy, rude, unkind, don't read my bible enough, don't worship deeply enough, etc.

I know in my head that I am lovable but it is so hard to see past all of these ugly things I see in myself.

Today it is hard to find the good. But today I choose to believe that even with all of these things and the many more that I am worthy to be loved and I have a Heavenly Father that loves me, and a husband that loves me and family and friends that love me in spite of these flaws that are sometimes so vivid within me!

Father, help me to see myself as YOU see me, and help me hear YOUR voice louder than I hear my own or anything else!! I need you Father and I want you!! In Jesus name. Amen!

Sunday, February 20, 2011

What a month!!! (This is Long and Real!)

What a month!

What a month!

What a month!

Have I mentioned that IT HAS BEEN A MONTH!

The month started off with us finding out that my Incredible Mother-In-Law is once again fighting cancer. It was a hard day, a really hard day, and several hard days to follow as we rallied and began to pray and seek God!!

A couple days later she went into the hospital with pneumonia. It was so hard being so far away and not being able to be there with her. She came home from the hospital on a Thursday I think and on Friday night we were on our way to Alabama in the middle of a stupid snow storm to see her. We had a free weekend for a change and I wanted my husband to have some time with his mother!! I felt like they both needed to see each other, so snow storm or not we were going to Alabama!!

The snow storm was actually a surprise to us!! But it didn't stop us. It did slow us down by several hours!!! Quite frankly IT SUCKED driving through that storm through the Ozark Mountains. I have not been that scared in a very long time. But my husband is a great driver and a very caring man and took great care of me and my fears!! I will admit I cried and got a bit hysterical for a bit...but in my defense the road was covered in snow and ice, very narrow, very mountainous, and the visibility was ZILCH!! It was scary!! Once we made it through the Ozarks though it was a little better. After that we just kept swapping drivers so each of us could get a bit of sleep. We did pull over once and sleep for an hour at a rest area. But we made it!! We left Friday night after work at 9:30pm and arrived at my mother-in-law's Saturday at 11:00am. It was THE LONGEST NIGHT!!

We had a great weekend with the family though. Mr. Wonderful sat right next to her on the couch all weekend, it was the sweetest thing!!! We spent time just being together!!! Monday we got to take her to the doctor and gave her a willow tree and card before we left for home. I believe it was good for both of them to have the time with each other. We were also able to spend time with his sister and well it was just all around a great weekend for everyone!! God is so faithful!

I had an interview that Tuesday for a job on campus answering phone for an hour a day for the cashier. The interview went well. I found out that Thursday that I got the job and would start the following Monday!!! God is so faithful!!

At the end of the week after we got home I got SICK!! Thankfully it was only for a couple of hours and then I was able to go to sleep but it was awful!!! I haven't been sick like that in a very very long time!! I had spent the day that Friday after school at the church working with Brianna the intern to put together the backdrop for the new curriculum that we were starting that Sunday and was fighting a headache but other than that felt alright. That is until I got into the car to go home and get dressed for work that night. I began to feel very sick to my stomach and my headache got much much worse!! On the way to work I stopped several times to get sick. I ended up not working and letting Hubby drive me back home. I was sick for several hours after that and then finally went to sleep.

The next day was the Saturday before Valentine's Day and Hubby took my shift so that I could spend the day getting caught up on schoolwork and getting things ready for the date I had planned for him for V-day. I slept in until noon and felt pretty puny most of the day but I had big plans for Hubby and I wanted to have a great date with him.

I planned lots of favorites for my favorite and we had a great time!! He got lots of special attention!!! I was glad he liked it and had a good time. God is so faithful!!

Sunday Hubby worked an overnight.

Monday I woke up to a VERY sweet card from Hubby that made my day cause he wasn't supposed to do anything. The card said was so perfect and wonderful!! God is so faithful!!

I started the new job, and caught on very easily. God is so faithful!!

That night while watching The Bachelor and texting a play by play to Hubby while he worked another over night, I got a call from my mom that my grandmother was in the hospital in Texas dying. Mom was very distraught as she did not have any money to get to Texas. I prayed with her and once again felt helpless. This began a very LONG week of heartache!! Mom borrowed money and left for Texas early early Wednesday morning around 6:00am, with only $100 to go on. The doctor's called and told her that granny had listed her as the only one who could terminate life support and off she went. Can't say that I blame her even under the circumstances of her and her mom's relationship. She is such a good daughter!! Such a strong woman. She went by herself. Alone. I had no way of going and being with her. Once again I felt so helpless. I wanted to be there with her so so bad!! I did not want my mom facing this alone. But I couldn't miss class and didn't have the money to go. It was so hard!

Around 1:30pm the doctor called and told her that they took granny off life support and said granny had about 4 hours to live. I do not know where the communication got twisted but somewhere it did. Well mom still being 5ish hours away from the hospital, must have punched it, because she actually made it to the hospital around 3:00pm and granny was alive and awake. Sometime that night they moved granny into her own room and also rolled in a bed for mom. What a blessing that was as mom had no where to stay and would not have left the hospital anyway. Granny was awake through the evening and night and mom was able to spend time talking to her and praying with her and reading her scripture. God is so faithful!

By the next morning granny was unresponsive. Mom called me very upset. This was all so hard on her and she was facing it all ALONE. It broke my heart not to be there with her!! Mom spent the whole day watching her mother die and awful death. I called her repeatedly throughout the day to check on her and let her get out some of her tears and pain and to pray with her.

Hubby sent me a text while I was studying for an exam with a friend to tell me that he had found another job!!! He had been looking for one for a while!!! God is so faithful!!!

Hubby had been dealing with my tears all week and we planned a date to escape from it all and have a little fun and spend some time together without tears. He made shepherd’s pie for dinner and then we went for buy one get one free ice cream at Cold Stone (the place we frequented while we were dating) and then to the dollar movies. I had vowed NOT to come home crying or cry in his presence that day and I was successful and needed the fun in the middle of such an awful month!

I called mom after the movie and she said she felt like it wouldn't be long before granny passed. She was being so strong and I was so proud of her!!! I wanted to be there with her so bad!! Granny passed away at 9:50pm that night, peacefully and with mom reading scripture to her. That's when more terror began for my mom. Not only had she just lost her mother, but there was NO MONEY to bury her. No insurance and no money. I had spent time on the phone earlier in the day trying to figure out what was going to happen in hopes that my mom would not have to deal with that stress when my granny did pass, but that was not the case. No more than mere minutes after my grandmother passed away, the nurse was in my mom's face asking what she was going to do. RUDE!! OH THIS MAKES ME SO VERY MAD AND HAD I BEEN THERE THAT NURSE WOULD HAVE GOTTEN MORE THAN A PIECE OF MY MIND!!! Guess it is a good thing I was not there!!! All mom could tell her is that there is no money. My poor mom did not even have time to grieve. She signed some papers for indegent burial and left. There was absolutely nothing else she could do. IT WAS AWFUL!! She got in her truck around midnight, racked with sobs and realized that she had no place to sleep, so she headed home. Exhausted, Broken, Hurt, Terrorized, and ALONE, she headed back toward Bama.

I called to check on her after dropping Hubby off at work early Friday morning and she was asleep at a truck stop a few miles outside of Shreveport, LA. I told her to go back to sleep for a few more hours and I would call her and wake her when I got back up to go to school. By the time I got up and called her she was already on the road again. God love her she was just so exhausted and wanted to be home. She had begun the grieving process as well. I called to check on her all throughout the day and she finally made it home around 4:00pm that afternoon!!

She has spent several days just feeling lonely and lost and thinking about how horrible things ended at the hospital. She is struggling to find closure and to heal from all of this. I talked to her on the phone tonight for about hour and a half and just listened and let her relive it all. She didn't have time to feel the feelings while she was there because she was being strong for my granny and herself so she could just get through. Now she is feeling those feelings and now the healing can begin. It is going to be a long road for her. I am so proud of her though. I cannot imagine having to do that and do it alone!! It is unfathomable!!! But God is so faithful!!

And to top it all off...last night I started my cycle for the first time in TWO years!! I had been on birth control that kept me from having one and I loved it!! We made the decision to come off the birth control when they changed the plan and raised the price of it. We will save money without it and will be fine. However, this first cycle is really kicking my butt!!! I have been in much pain and quite sick at my stomach with it. I have been lying down in a ball since early this afternoon!!


I am ready for things to be simple once again and for spring to be here!!!

We are praying daily over our mother's. Healing for both of them!! Physical and Emotional Healing are much needed!! We know this is where we are supposed to be, here so far away from our families, and I am sure glad that we both have that peace otherwise going through the month that we just have would have been near impossible because being so far away when those we love go through such hard times is REALLY REALLY hard!!! But God is so very very faithful!!


Father, we trust YOU and we lay these needs at your feet. You are the Healer and Comforter and the giver of Peace!!! Heal our mothers and meet their every need!! Thank you for what you are already doing in them and through these difficult circumstances!! Thank you for loving us and for being so faithful to us ALWAYS ALWAYS!!! We love you and trust you!! In Jesus precious name, AMEN!!!

Monday, February 14, 2011

Things I l~o~v~e...these days

> my wonderful hubby

> my precious kitty

> packages from my parents :)

> sunshine

> the sound of melting snow down my gutter


> Children’s Church @ Praise Assembly

> the thought of SPRING!

> talking to my best friend on the phone

> the loving look in my husband’s eyes

> getting schoolwork done and over with

> the thought of being THIRTY in a few months (yes really really!)

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Valentiens 2010

Early in our relationship I decided that I would like to turn Valentine's into a holiday that I do for my hubby.

I wanted to do this for a few reasons:

1) Hubby takes care of our anniversary, & my birthday

2) I do NOT like the traditional V-day; I prefer thoughtful gifts vs. chocolates and flowers like everyone gets on that day. I like flowers when I least expect, they mean more that way!

Anyway so I have been thinking for months about what I wanted to do for my wonderful hubby.


We decided to do it on Saturday instead of Monday as hubby is working an overnight that night and I don't get finished with my day until around 4:00pm. So Saturday it was!!

My plan was thwarted a bit because I got really sick Friday night and allowed myself to sleep in a good bit on Saturday (I cannot remember the last time I felt so bad, it was terrible!). I did not get the house as clean as I had wanted but I did get it picked up at least. Ok so on to the date...

I picked Hubby up from work @ 5:00 and we headed home to shower and get ready for dinner.

Dinner: I took him to Chili's! Several reasons...I had a coupon for FREE Chips and Queso(Chili's Chips and Salsa are His FAVORITE!!) and he had been wanting to go to Chili's for a while to try their black bean burger and it is budget friendly!

So off to dinner we went. We thought the wait would be close to an hour but ended up getting a seat in the bar area (which now is NO SMOKING!!) and that is where I really wanted to sit anyway because they have TV's. This was my hubby's Man Date and I wanted him to get to watch sports while he enjoyed his dinner.

The chips and queso were awesome and did I mention FREE!!! I ordered Sirloin and potatoes and Hubby ended up getting the Buffalo Chicken Fajitas!! It was a great dinner and we both ate too much!! (We are not used to eating portion sizes that big lately!)

Next we headed to Best Buy. I wanted my Favorite to get to take in all of the big screen TV and such. We enjoy just going and walking around places like that. We had so much fun at Best Buy as we set of many alarms (the first was not intentional and the second...well it was partially not intentional) but it was hilarious and we had fun!!

Then we headed home for more FAVORITES for my FAVORITE!

I sent hubby to the bedroom to get in comfy clothes while I set up his surprise in the living room. Hubby spent the evening soaking his feet, drinking coke out of a glass bottle, and watching NCIS season two, and later I made him a snack tray out of some of his favorite things (Chips, Cheddar cheese, & jalapeno - baked & Beef jerky on the side!!).

After his feet soaked a while I gave him a good foot massage, which he greatly enjoyed!! Who doesn't love foot massages!!!

It turned out to be a really great evening and I think he felt Favored and Loved!!!

It felt so good to have him enjoy all of his favorite things and get to sit back and relax and enjoy being loved on!! I had a great time pulling it all together for him!!!!

I am blessed by him all the time and I enjoyed blessing him...MY FAVORITE, MY VALENTINE!!

Father, I am truly thankful to You for sharing such a wonderful man with me!! I am excited by all the things that You are doing in our life and I am excited for the future ahead!!


I woke up this morning to a Super Sweet card from my wonderful hubby this morning! It was so beautiful and so sweet and so unexpected!! Hubby picked it up when he got off work at 4:00am this morning!! Love that man!!! It made my day and I intend to read it again and again :)

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

I don't even know...

...what to even say

Lately I have been…STRUGGLING!

I have been emotional, exhausted, stressed, angry, frustrated, unmotivated…

I have acted out in my anger

Given in to my tears

I have panicked

I have been completely unmotivated to do my school work

I have disappointed myself

And I honestly have no idea what is going on with me and how to get control of this. I have to get a handle on myself.

Even still with all of this…I have been…

Happy, Loved, Encouraged, Excited…

Ultimately I am okay, completely okay but my behavior has not been okay, in fact some of my behavior is downright unacceptable.

I have some praying to do and some battling to do, but rest assured…I WILL WIN!!

I will win because Jesus is on my side and He is my victor.

You know life is not always easy or fun but in the process there are many things to learn from the places we are in and I am thankful to be learning these lessons. I know who my Heavenly Father is and that no matter how I feel at any given time He has got me and that I am okay.

One last thing…I am so very proud of my wonderful husband. He has been dealing with A LOT and he is holding on to our Heavenly Father and not letting go and he is seeking after God and I am just so very proud of him and I cannot wait to see what God has in store!! I know that God is at work, I can see it and I can hear it in the things my hubby is saying and I am just excited to share this life with such a wonderful, hard working man. I am blessed!!! Completely blessed!!!