Saturday, July 30, 2011
She was hope like I had never known
She was beauty like I had never known
She was acceptance
She was love
She was so incredible
We miss her so so so much!! She has changed my life forever!!
Wish I had more time with her. To learn from her, get to know her heart, thank her for how she loved and accepted me, for so freely sharing her son with me.
She lives on in our hearts FOREVER.
We love YOU to the moon and back.
I was reminded tonight that You never change. Praise You for that! Lots of other things do change. A lot of it makes me so sad and makes my heart hurt so much!!
I will stand where you have called me to stand. Father I ask that you would pick up the pieces when I make mistakes. Forgive me, help me to forgive as well.
I release my burdens to you Heavenly Father!! In Jesus name. Amen
Friday, July 29, 2011
Today I felt first hand what it feels like to do what you feel is right based out of love and it not be popular. Today I felt the hurt as the decision I made also caused temporary hurt in someone I love so dearly. Today I fell from popularity. I believe I am getting a taste of what it is going to be like to be a parent.
Those we love do not and cannot always understand why we do the things we do out of love. But it sure does hurt to the core to all of a sudden be the bad guy and the cause of their hurt.
However I do NOT love in order to be popular. I love because it is what I am called to do and by loving that means that I am thinking of the BEST interest of the person I love. The decision I made today I feel is based out of the best interest of the person I love. It caused her hurt toward me as she doesn't fully understand and I quickly became the bad guy and the unpopular one and she quickly began to replace me. Yes that hurts. Hurts so so bad.
But I will stand in my decision because I feel like it is the best thing and the healthy thing. I will stand here even though it hurts and even though I want to please and even though it feels good to be popular. I am not here to be popular or to please I am here to love and that is what I shall do.
Father I am trusting You. I know I cannot trust myself and or the other person to make the best decision but I/we can trust YOU. I feel like YOU are with me in this decision even though it is a had decision. I am choosing right now to refuse the enemies lies and attacks and to STAND on YOUR TRUTH!! I trust in YOU and I believe that you have a purpose and a plan and that YOU Father are in control!! I have asked for your wisdom and you have given me your Word to stand on as well!!
Father I give this entirely over to YOU!! In Jesus name. Amen!!
What a comforting wonderful sound that is to my ears and heart.
Tater kitty is curled up on a blanket that fell onto the floor in between the green chair and black ottoman, when I moved from the chair to the sofa to give my back some relief. He is snoring and grunting away all curled up. So so cute!! I love that kitty so much. He is my baby boy!
Hubby has been asleep since 10:30pm pooped from his long day at work. He faces another long and early day at work tomorrow. I am so thankful for this man who works so hard for us and supports me completely in the things that I do. Wow!!
This is my moment. Blessed. Heart is full. Happy. THANKFUL!!
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Thank you Heavenly Father...
for you infinite Love and Faithfulness
for my wonderful supportive and hard working husband
for the relationship and connection with my precious sister in law who is facing the hardest time of her life
for this opportunity to be at Bible College to learn more about YOU and ministry
for the opportunities to do ministry while we are here
for the friendships that are lasting and for those that are just beginning
for our family who loves and supports us so much even though it is so hard for them to have us so far away
for the promises and plans that you have for us
that we can count on you no matter what
for your Word that is water for our souls
for continually speaking into our lives and pushing us to be better and better
for being willing to use us just as we are
for providing for us always
for the sunshine and the rain in our lives
for subtle reminders when I need them most
Thank You Heavenly Father for so much more than I could ever put in this post. Thank You from my heart! I love you and am so thankful and in awe of YOU.
Friday, July 08, 2011
It's the simple things...
A long hug from my hubby
Hearing him tell me I am beautiful or that I have done something good
Hearing him laugh
Watching him love on our kitty
Seeing him excited about ministry
Watching how God moves and works in, through, and for us
This life is a gift and a blessing and I am soaking it up.
No, things aren't perfect and we are not rich...but we are so so rich in the things that matter. I am experiencing true joy!!
Thank you Father!!
Wednesday, July 06, 2011
There are moments of wondering can I love someone enough to make a difference, to change an outcome.
There are moments when I take too much from those around me and it seems that I am powerless to stop it.
There are times when I want to give all I have but it is not allowed. Some of this may be because I have taken too much already from them.
Life is hard, complicated, sometimes so tragic that I can't fully feel the impact of the tragedy before me.
There are moments when I feel as though I have no feeling at all. This scares me.
There are moments when everything I feel comes bursting out of me and there are not gates that could hold it back.
I am understanding new ways of giving your heart away and yet being completely out of control.
I am being reminded in this season what God taught me a long time ago. People do NOT belong to us, they belong to Him and we much continually give them back to Him. We cannot NOT do what HE can do and it is not our job. It is simply our job to love them and share them with HIM and take care of them as much as we earthly humans can.
I am sad, hurt, scared, excited, hopeful, PRAYERFUL, and full of expectation.
Life. It's Hard. It's complicated. It's GOOD. IT IS HIS, ALL HIS.
Father I trust you. I trust You.
Sunday, July 03, 2011
Sunday: We said bye to my mom, had breakfast with my parents, church at New Life, saw our friends new house and hit the road to home.
Monday: Hubby went back to work and I don't even remember what I did.
Tuesday: We began talk of me not going back to work. Hubby worked. I worked at the church planning for Sunday services.
Wednesday: I cleaned the house and made dinner, Hubby worked, We spent our evening at church loving on kiddos, hubby went over the finances and decided that we would give me not working a try.
Thursday: My first official day as a stay at home wife, I rode the scooter by myself to our pastor's house, worked on more planning for Sunday's BGMC service, I cleaned, cooked, and worked on stuff for Sunday's service, Hubby worked. I also started getting sick that afternoon.
Friday: I was sick, but I cleaned and made dinner, Hubby worked, I went to bed early.
Saturday: I was sick all day and layed on the couch and slept most of the day, Hubby worked (love that hard workin man!!), when Hubby got home we grilled steaks while I prepared sides and we had a feast of steaks, real mashed potatoes, pasta salad, garlic bread, and sweet tea. We spent the evening watching TV and reading. I went to bed early. Hubby started getting sick.
This has been a very productive week. I have enjoyed my time at home cleaning and cooking and paying bills. I am going to work hard during this season of my life to incorporate good routines and changes in my life. I am more than thankful for this opportunity to be a stay at home wife. I love making sure the house is clean when my hard working Husband comes home and I love making dinner for him. So far I have done very well keeping up with the house and laundry and I have enjoyed doing it. I hope I continue to enjoy it for a long long time!!
I am proud of my Husband for being the hard working, godly man that he is. I am prouder than words can say of who he is and all he does. He is a wonderful husband and I am beyond blessed...I am quite blown away actually.
We continue to take things one day at a time since loosing his mom. We stay in touch with his siblings loving them through this difficult time. We still love and miss her very much.
Hubby is doing GREAT at his job (never doubted), though he finds it a bit more boring than his last position as he doesn't get to do as much when he is leading the team. I think he is and is going to continue to be a wonderful and balanced leader and touch lives at Old Navy. I am planning to stop by next week to have lunch with him and visit the friends that I miss!!
This coming week I will begin working on our next lesson for Kid's Church as well as continuing planning with Pastor Lori for camp (which is the week after) and I will begin my binder for a class that I will take Independent Study next semester. I hope to actually finish the binder before the semester starts and work on tweaking it through out the semester. I am actually excited to get started as the goal is to plan an entire year of children's ministry and this will actually be fun for me and very very beneficial for our ministry!!! We are getting closer everyday!!