Back on the right road.

I am back on the right road.
The road that looks at others through the Father's eyes.
The road that does not gossip or say ugly things about others.
The road that walks away from conversations where others are talking ugly.
Back to being set apart for Jesus & in the name of Agape Love.
Love like in 1 Corinthians 13.

I am embarrased by the person I have been.
I am ashamed about the things I have said.
And the ways I have behaved.

I have not been an example or shone a very bright light.
I have tried to fit in and be accepted.
And used others to do that.

I am airing out my dirty laundry.
I have been that christian that others look at and say really that's why I'm not a christian. And she says she loves God.
Yeah I have been that.

I just want to say.

I truly am very sorry. I have been wrong and ugly. Please forgive me.

Middle of the week musings...

I have been on time everyday this week
I can't wait for worship tonight
I am happy in love
I am changing my behavior towards people at work (I have been ugly and wrong)
I rearranged my desk yesterday
I love fall
The wind makes me nostalgic
God is so Faithful and Loving
Mr. Magorium's Wonder Imporium is a GREAT movie
My new favorite show is Eli Stone
I am getting excited about Christmas!!!!
We are drawing our Secret Santa names today
Gas prices are much more plesant these days
I am excited about my two trips next week (Chicago & Mobile)
I can't wait for youth tonight
I am in love
The man God brought me blows me away
I love to hear God's voice
I love my new Prayer Portions Book
I have been meditating on the Love Chapter for weeks now it's helped
I love the holidays
I love the Lord with all my heart, all my strength, and all my mind!

To God be the glory for all the wonderful things in my life I would have none of them if it were not for Him...faith, family, friends, a job.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Now replace the word love with your name and see how many are true. I fail greatly here. This helps me to see where I need to consentrate and work harder.

When I get upset lately I just repeat the love chapter over and over in my head and it helps me to respond better and it calms me down. I have been surprised several times at how my anger has dissipated by repeating the love chapter in my head before responding to what made me upset.

Thank you Lord for your Word and your work in me. I love you Father. In Jesus name. Amen.

Mr. Pumpkin Head.

I love fall!
Mr. Wonderful and I had a great time carving a pumpkin last night.
We set out to the good 'ole Piggly Wiggly to get the perfect pumpkin. Which we found right away. It was the perfect size, shape, and color!! I am all about it being perfect!!
We then drew out a face we both liked and the fun began...
Mr. Wonderful drew the face on the pumpkin, cut off the top
I then got to dig out all of the guts...eeewww...but fun!!
Mr. Wonderful carved out the great face we gave our pumpkin.

Here are some pics. We had a great time and I think Mr. Pumpkin Head turned out GREAT!!

I am hoping to maybe get to had out candy to trick or treaters this year. I don't celebrate Halloween but I do celebrate fall and I would love to greet the kids if they come by.

Enjoy the pics

Mr. Wonderful Carving...

Me digging out the guts...or slime...hee heeProud pumpkin carvers...

Mr. Pumpkin Head...

Friday!

Oh yes it is finally Friday! I must say this week flew by and for that I am definately thankful.

It has been a really good week and again for that I am definately thankful!

I have been quite exhausted this week though. It hasn't been a really emotional week but it has been busy so that may be the reason for the exhaustion.

I honestly don't have much to say today and very little time to say anything anyway.

Weekend Plans:
Hanging with Mom tonight
Fall Festival all day and night Saturday
Sunday School, Christmas Play Practice, Pastor Appreciation Practice Sunday

So Happy Friday to you all and have a wonderful weekend!!!

Survey Fun

EIGHTS

8 favorite TV shows
Biggest Loser
Eli Stone
Extreme Makeover Home Edition
Wheel of Fortune
Jeopardy
Friends
Say Yes to that Dress
Wedding SOS

8 Favorite Restaurants
Olive Garden
O’ Charley’s
Beverly’s BBQ
Full Moon BBQ
Chick-Fil-A
Mc Donalds
Outback
Shogun

8 things that happened yesterday
We had a potluck lunch at work
We had a generation party in Youth
We had a birthday party at church
My Sweetie and I heard our song on the radio
Ate Banana Pudding
I read blogs
I took a nap on the way home
I played with a punch balloon

8 things to look forward to
Girl’s night with Neesie
Fall Festival
Makeovers
KOR Drama performance
Christmas
Trip to Chicago
Trip to Mobile
Teaching Sunday School

8 things I love about fall
Beautiful Trees
Wind
Pumpkins
Walks with my Sweetie
Sweaters
Fall Festival
Warm Socks
Hoodie’s

8 things on my wish list
Makeover
New makeup
Willow Trees
Starbucks Pumpkin Spice
Clean House
Sleep
New Journal
Something Really Special

FOURS

Top four wishes:
Good weekend
Rest
Clean House
No more pain in my neck and back

Four places I want to travel to:
Beach
Maine
Washington D.C.
Savannah, GA

Four careers I want to be involved in:
Children’s Ministry
Wife & Mommy
Women of Faith Speaker
Write a Book

Four things I would like God to say to me at the gates of Heaven:
Well Done Good and Faithful Servant
I have been waiting on you
Your loved ones are waiting on you
Let me introduce you to the lives you’ve touched

Greater is HE.

God doesn't want you looking at what's wrong with you or what's right with you. He wants you looking at HIM. ~Joyce Meyers

Uuummm...Does Joyce Meyers know me or something?

I am most definately my own worst enemy. I beat myself up more than anyone else. When God begins to deal with me about something that needs to be changed, oh boy! I dive into a deep pit of despair, self destruction, hoplesness, self accusation, it's just brutal. I begin to think I am worthless and no amount of convincing will stop this thinking. Then I become hopeless that I will ever be any better and again no amount of convincing will stop this. Finally I hit bottom, in complete darkness almost ready to give up indeed on the very brink of givig up. I literally want to give up and run away. I get to a point where it's a choice in that moment to give up and run away, far far away, or stay and fight it out and allow Jesus to rescue me and be my victory. In that moment of choice it is physically impossible for me to quit. I know it is the Holy Spirit in me that will not allow me to quit. I can literally have my hand on the door knob, keys in hand, ready to run, but it is like there is a steel wall that will not allow me to move. I can't do it. "Greater is He that is in me, than he that is in this world." 1 John 4:4 I choose the Lord and I WILL NOT BE MOVED. Jesus is my life. For the rest of my life.

Gals, God is Good At All Times.

This process used to last for weeks, sometimes even months. I am very thankful that now it only lasts for a few days some times only one or two. I have gotten better at forgiving myself, and turning my trust to God and not myself. I cannot be better on my own but God can change me. That is why this quote from Joyce Meyers hit me so hard.

What if I take my eyes off me completely and simply focus on God. Even when God says hey you need to work on this. Okay God what can You do, Who are you...why think that way?...Because God lives in me and what He can do, I can do, if I ALLOW HIM.

Please Father let me grab hold of this concept and hold on to it forever. Let gone be the days that I rely on myself and mess it all up and waste time in the pit of despair when I simply need to Trust you, trust the YOU that is IN me. You are in me, I have invited you Jesus to live in my heart FOREVER. Father help me today to allow the YOU in me to RULE. There are always things I need to work on Father and there always will be. Change is quite the good thing for it means we are not staying the same ole stagnant humans that our enemy wants us to be, but wea are MOVING FORWARD & UPWARD. Father today I give you me and all my issues, all my shortcomings, all my sins, all my ugliness, all my weaknesses. I trust You, I trust the You in me. I love you with all of my heart Father and I desire to glorify You. I have already failed in that area today with ugly words that have come out of my mouth. I ask you to forgive me Father and truly help me to turn from it and walk in YOUR direction instead. Father I need you everyday. Thank You for who You are and for who You are In me. Thank You for your forgiveness and for Your faithfulness to me when I never deserve it. You are my LOVING Heavenly Father. (pssttt God I am so thankful for the Heavenly part it's what sweeps me away.) In Jesus' Precious name I pray. AMEN.

Standing.

I am listening to the faithful voice of my Heavenly Father
(even when I am scared to)

I am standing where He is asking me
(even though it is hard)

I am getting lost in God
(for I am more lost without Him)

I am journaling
(so I can be reminded of His words when I falter)

I am meditating on His word
(to renew my carnal mind)

Father, sweet & faithful Heavenly Father, I love you with all of my heart. I am following you today. Lead me and guide me. Soften my heart for those around me, help me to see all things through your eyes. Renew my mind. I surrender to you Father, I want to be lost in You. In Jesus name. Amen.

Best Weekend.

It was good and calm and happy.


Friday night = Date night:
My sweetie took me to see Fireproof
Incredible incredible movie
I loved it
I wanted to cry for hours after because that is the movie he picked


Saturday morning = Japanese Gardens:
My sweetie
Panera Bread for breakfast
Perfect Weather
Great Pictures
Fun


Saturday Evening = Family
My Neesie
A Terrible Scrabble game - very funny actually
Left Behind II
A good rub
A nap
To bed early with some GOOD sleep


Sunday = Busy
Lady in Waiting SS - great conversation
Children's Church - Play practice then some fun at the end
Fall Festival Meeting
Pastor Appreciation Practice - very fun stuff
Bridal Tea - wonderful ladies doing a wonderful job, fun hang out time with some great ladies
KOR Drama Practice - funniest kids EVER, video looks great, a new silly video, a blanket
Chat time with my Neesie - planning for the future, giggles, blaming, getting caught by dad


A great great weekend. I had the best time. Thank you Lord Jesus for such a Blessed weekend!


So I will leave you with the best pic of my sweetie and me yet...

Friday :) Friday :( Friday *sigh*

Right now I have a Love/Hate relationship with Fridays.

Love Fridays because they mean the weekend is FINALLY here.
Hate Fridays because lately they mean layoffs and cut backs.

Lord Bless this economy, bless this business, and bless those whose lives are changing right now. Bring them peace and comfort that comes only from you in times like these. Open doors for them so they will be able to take care of their families and themselves. Father pour out your Love, Strength, & Peace today. Touch our world and give us the wisdom to walk in this uncertain times. Father I love you and I thank you that you are still in control even when things seem to be so out of control. I give you this day and all that is in it. Help me to glorify you in all I do and say. I Praise You today Jesus, for you are God and Holy and Worthy to be Praised. You are faithful and loving and I am thankful for You in my life today. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

Moving Forward.

I'm not moving back
I'm moving ahead
Surrendered my life to You
Now I'm MOVING MOVING FORWARD

Praise Jesus I am Moving Forward with Him. In all areas!

Philippians 4:13 "I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

Wednesday.

It's Wednesday. Middle of the week. Pay day (Praise Jesus!). It's another day to live and breathe and love my Lord.

Today I am fighting with all my might against the hopeless feelings that are once again trying to creep up and steal, kill, & destroy. But in the mighty name of JESUS get thee behind me satan. You have no part in my life. I will NOT believe your lies that anything is hopeless. I belong to the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. I am loved, forgiven, restored, and called. I WILL NOT BE MOVED. In Jesus name.

*Sigh* What a GREAT Heavenly Father we have. Today I simply want to hear His still small voice and listen to it and obey and have His peace rule my heart.

What a punk our enemy is. That little jerk thought he had me but he was wrong. I belong to Christ and I will not turn from Him. I will fight the good fight, I will fight for me, and together Christ and I will win. Christ will win and I through Him. God will get the glory.

Today I choose you Father. Today I choose to fight. Today I choose to see. Today I choose to hear You, listen, & obey. Today I choose to believe that Greater is HE that is in me than he that is in this world. My Father let me hear Your voice, let me listen, and let me obey. Let me fight will all Christ's strength, for I am weak and He is strong. Father today I love you, am in love with you, and desire to glorify and please you. Today is Yours and I am Yours in this day. I love you Father and I am thankful for Your incredible goodness and faithfulness and forgiveness and hope. Thank You for your never ending love, your unconditional love and that You have a plan for my life. Thank You Father for your work in me. I love you Lord. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Monday R&R.

Yesterday when I said I was exhausted from Altar time Sunday night I was so not kidding.

God did such a Mighty work in me. I cried so hard I thought my face would explode! Praise Jesus for it though! He knew just what I needed!! What a GREAT God we serve!! Boy am I in love with my Lord!!!

So yesterday I left work early and enjoyed a little R&R at home.

R&R:
* Quick stop by CVS for a refreshing clay mask for my face & dove chocolate bars
* A VERY loonngg VERY hooott bath with said mask, chocolate, & a girly movie (Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants - it was the best girly one I had on DVD - too bad all my fav's are on my DVR and couldn't be transported into the bathroom)
* Some very peaceful prayer/study time with my Lord & Savior and this incredible book called Prayer Portions by Sylvia Gunter (I guessed at the last name sorry) but it is so GREAT!!
* Some great snuggle under the electric blanket time followed shortly by a nice peaceful nap!

I am very thankful to have had the sick time to take from work and a boss that was understanding. I did have quite the headache until after my hot bath and meds.

I am feeling GREAT this morning!!! Praise Jesus!! Oh how I love praising Jesus!!

Things to Praise Jesus for today:
* Salvation!!!
* Restoration!!!
* Life!!!
* Love!!!
* His gentle voice!!!
* Rest!!!

PRAISE JESUS!!!
Okay I must get to work and make up for the half day lost yesterday. Lots of Love, Peace, and Joy to all my readers!!

Relief.

Amazing how God swoops in when you think you can handle no more and cleans it all up.

I feel excited again for the first time since April or May.
I feel life return to me.
I feel a bit more like the me God created me to be.
I actually have hope and faith that the full me will shine through again brighter than before.
I am exhausted from the actual process and finishing that took place last night in the altar, but ready to be the new creation God has so desired me to be.
I think I will need to fight my enemy to keep feeling this way, I know he wants to steal, kill, & destroy. That nasty ole devil thought he had me this time. But greater is He that is in me than he that is in this world.
Wow! Look at that...my faith has returned!!! Praise Jesus!

Weekend Highlights:
5th Quarter - community churches came together and ministered to community teens! Human Video was annointed and GREAT!
JBQ - Love that time with the kids. My team won one match and one of my kids got 4th top quizer!
Scrabble - Neesie and I played scrabble Saturday night. It was alot of fun, I think that was my first time playing scrabble.
Sunday School - Very good!
Christmas Play Practice - Went great!
Sunday afternoon - lunch with friends and loved ones, girl chats in the office = hilarious!
Drama Practice - Went GREAT!
Night of Healing - God restored me! Neesie loved me! Mom was baptised!

Jesus you are the lover of my soul.
Heavenly Father you are my everything.
Thank you for restoration and life. Thank you for your work. In Jesus might name. Amen.

More.

So much more.
Alot more.
Heaps and Heaps.

Faith shaken again. What a test.

It's an actual choice at this point.

I am reminded that I am not the only one struggling and my struggle is much less than others.

Oh what a selfish person I am. I hate it.

But I am loved in spite of it. Praise Jesus for that!

A post.

Where's the fun?
Where's the wit?

Hopefully coming again soon.

It's Wednesday and last Wednesday was so amazing I just layed in the presence of God and soaked Him up. Oh how I need that again.

I am a little lost and wandering these days...very weepy...very tired...very all over the place. Break downs here and there...a major one recently...probably never quite broke down like that before.

Faith has been greatly shaken.

There's no wit here or much fun...but fortunately there is still a little life. Praise Jesus it's all because of Him.

Much prayer is needed. Send them up for me.

Father...here I am...I need You. In Jesus name. Amen.

The good, the bad, & the ugly

The good:
Relaxing Friday night & Saturday
Bible study time Saturday
Girly TV shows & movies
Time with the parents Saturday night & breakfast Sunday morning
A yummy lunch - my fav
Christmas practice and cute kids singing
Drama Practice and cute kids practicing to freeze
An amazing turn out for a baby shower I sort of helped host
Poeple being excited about my relationship and future
A new fan for my window
A goodnight hug from my sweetie

The bad:
Missing my Sweetie while he was visiting home
Not being able to sleep Saturday night
Not getting to practice Christmas musical enough before directing
Little down time on Sunday
Picking the wrong shoes to wear on a busy Sunday
Lack of communication

The ugly:
Money always being an issue
Saying stupid things to embarrase myself
Orange juice in my purse
Being ignored and shunned
Slight drama
Chipped nails
Snitty remarks directed at me

God has been teaching me alot about myself and how to love...honestly I am not that good at it...but hopefully I will get better.