God's Trademark!!

Jeremiah 8:9
...Look at them!
They know everything
but God's Word.
Do you call that
"knowing"?

I know nothing if I dont know God's Word...when I read this today it stuck out to me...I am extremely lacking in this area...but not only knowing God's Word but knowing Him...

Jeremiah 9:24
If you brag, brag of this and this only:
That you understand and know me.
I'm God and I act in loyal love.
I do what's right and fair
and delight in those who do the same things.
These are my trademarks.

I want to be God's trademark...how awesome to be a trademark of the King...that is my goal and what God is working me toward!!!

Had an awesome talk with Marcie last night...I learned so much from it...and I so enjoyed the time spent with her tremendously...I dont get that time as often as I used to...due to us both having busy schedules...so when I get the time I am very grateful...the above verse reminds me of Marcie...I definately think she is one of God's trademarks and I love her for it!!! I have a few people in my life that I would consider God's trademarks and I look up to them and learn from them!!!

The crusade is going great...tonight is our last night...makes me so sad...the highlight of last night was this:
Before service started I was talking to the kids and the boys were saying how the "monkeys" were scary and they didn't like them...and I was like...No way...dude those gorillas are so cool...I mean they are the coolest ever...they love kids and they really like to dance...can you guys dance...there were three boys standing there...and they were like yeah we like to dance...and they showed me how they can dance...then I was like...wow...you know what I bet the gorillas would love to dance with you guys, yall wanna dance with them...they were like yeah!!...it was so cute...so I got to do a gorilla last night so I went over and danced with them...it was so awesome!!!!

Well I cant wait to get back to the church tonight...guess I'll go and get to invoicing some more and maybe the afternoon will just fly by!!!

Until next time...Seeking Him...desiring to be His trademark!!!

Hey guys...thanks for putting up with my gloomy post...this one is better...the weekend was good...Friday night went to the book store and hung out while waiting on the family to go to the movies...we went to see Dukes of Hazzard for Daniel's birthday...what a disgusting movie...there were more gd's that I could count in the first 10 mins alone...and Jessica Simpson was just plain slutty...she did nothing through out the whole movie but loudly use her body which was barely covered to get men to do what she wanted...oh that sends a great message to our young ladies...there was drinking, sex, and cursing through out the whole thing...I would not see it again...then Saturday we had our small women's group meeting and swam and chatted and ate all day...it was wonderful...and much needed...Sunday Children's Church was great and then we packed up to head to Clanton to do a Kids Crusade...it was awesome...though I was scatterbrained and forgot that I was supposed to do certain things...lol...but it really was awesome and Daniel did a character and he did so good...I was very proud...it was a great night...I think there were kids there that asked Jesus into their heart for the first time...and you cant top that...but I did also get to sing and worship twice in the same day...how incredible it was...and I get to tonight and tomorrow night...I love it so much...I love it love it love it...I guess it's that I am actually using my gift to draw others into worship...at least I hope I draw them and not interrupt them...lol...but I just feel so much joy and so complete when I sing...anyway I can not wait to get back there tonight...today has been okay...though crusades make it hard to come to a secular job and work...I want to be ministry focused all day every day...ONE day that will happen...I have no doubt...I am enjoying what I have now while I have it...well anyway I had better get back to work...not much more to say...Thank you Father for the opportunity to show/tell kids how much you love them...for the opportunity to lead them into worship as I worship you...for your amazing love and presence...may you join us again tonight and fill that place with your Spirit...change hearts and lives tonight....annoint the service and have your way in it...I pray all distractions would be gone tonight...I pray that the kids would be focused on what you want to do in their hearts and lives...I pray they would be open to you and sensitive to your voice...help our ministry team to work together and be unified and kind to one another...may we be nothing more than willing vessels for you to use tonight...thank you again for this incredible opportunity...I love you with all my heart and I want the children to know your love for them...In Jesus name I pray...Amen!

Gloomy

Kind of a rough day for me...dealing with some hard things...I am exhausted...emotional too...though I have not cried at all today...still emotional...dont know if that makes sense...it does to me...I am slow...quiet...I dont have alot of words in my responses to people...I dont want to run...I am being bullheaded both with God and the enemy...I am easily irritated...but not irritable...some here at work are really bothering me...the ones that usually would not...I have a sinking feeling in my stomach...like right before the roller coaster starts to move...its a meloncholy day I think...though my Choleric is never far away...

Ecclesiastes 3:3-7

...a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,

my God is good...He is loving, kind, and faithful...He gives strength, peace and hope...He is and gives LOVE...until next time...Seeking Him...struggling through!

I'll run with the horses!

You know working on yourself is hard and ugly...there are big things ahead of me that I see I need to work on...and they are ugly...there are things I dont see too...it is hard...so hard...and the Meloncholy in me wants to turn it inward and feel bad for myself...the God in me wants me to simply take it and fight against is and change it and grow...easier said than done that is for sure...and you can bet the ole devil is right there attacking...like he wants me to change these things he has spent years perfecting...I am reading out of several very good books...they both came from our sunday school class...one is the Spirit Controled Temperment...it was the last book we went through in class and I never actually read it all they way through anyway I have been reading parts of it and it has been really encouraging to me...I know I have many weaknesses in my personality but God can give me strength in those areas...and the book is helping me to see that...the other book is Running with the Horses which we just stared last Sunday in Sunday school...Jen directed me back to it this morning and I reread some of the paper PT gave us...and wow...here is a quote from the book..."It is easier to relax in the embracing arms of The Average, Easier, but not better, Easier, but not more significant. Easier, but not fulfilling. I called you to a life of purpose far beyond what you think yourself capabale of living and promised you adequate strength to fulfil your destiny. Now at the first sign of difficulty you are ready to quit. If you are fatigued by this run of themill crowd of apathetic mediocrities, what will you do when the real race starts, the race iwth the swift and determined horses of excellence? What is it you really want "Tabbie", do you want to shuffle along with this crowd, or run with the horses?"...wow...I WANT TO RUN WITH THE HORSES...I think that is the conclusion that God has been bringing me to through out my Christian walk...the book is a study on Jeremiah...and based off the analogyand it goes on to say this..."It is unlikely, I think, that Jeremiah was spontaneous or quick in his reply to God's question. He weighed the options. He counted the cost. He tossed and turned in hesistation. The response when it came was not verbal but biographical. His life became his answer, "I'll run with the horses".' I think I was quite a bit quicker to respond...but that was all God...God has set me on a path of healing, growth, that is much quicker than I ever thought...but there is a reason...no...there is a Promise...and He is working me toward that Promise as fast as I'll let Him...(I'm stubborn but when I do get determined I go for it)..."I called you to live at your best, to pursue righteousness, to sustain a drive toward excellence."...more from the book God to Jeremiah I believe...Isnt that what God has called all His children to?...A DRIVE TOWARD EXCELLENCE...PURSUIT OF RIGHTEOUSNESS...hard doesnt even begin to describe the journey...but I can sum it all up in two words...WORTH IT...more worth it than anything in life you will ever do...more worth it because everything and everyone around you benefits from that journey...your life changes, your goals change, your heart changes, or at least it should...we are not born with the right stuff...it doesnt just happen...it takes work and lots of it...it takes determination, it takes pain, suffering, and trials, it takes tears, PRAYER, and PRAISE...another thing that spoke to me was something my friend Jodi shared with me last night..."Praise confuses the enemy of our soul, praise while the enemy is bearing down"...Praising while we are being attacked...throws off our attacker...how awesome is that...hey why not try it ya know...I know I am going to...wow...I am ready to fight through this stuff I am facing...I know that all through out my life I will have battles...but I am ready to fight...Father I pray for Your strength...I pray that my eyes would be open to look at myself...I pray that you would walk with me...I know You will and You are...I want to continue on toward the goal of Running with the Horses...I want to continue on this journey...give me strentgh and patience when it is hard...encouragement when I am down...and direction when I am confused...I love you with all my heart...YOU ARE MY DESIRE...thank you for loving me and saving me and changing me...continue your work...In Jesus name I pray...Amen...well me Amigas...I must work...until next time...SEEKING HIM & FIGHTING THROUGH!!

Busiest Day EVER!

Aaahhh finally time for my release...I am so thankful...it is 5 and I should be leaving for church but I wanted to post before I left...I have had the busiest most stressful day ever...was yelled at twice first thing this morning...and the bottom fell out for the first hour of work...people yelling and screaming and flailing all about...well mainly only one...she is most definately choleric...my former boss...naming no names here...she has been out of control all day...but the worst and only part I was involved in was this morning...I was glad it was over...I didnt have time to be dealing with it...tomorrow is looking to be just as busy and stressful as today minus the yelling I hope...but God has given me little gifts through out the day...the guys finished shipping before 4...I had correct change in my ashtray...I found the pinks easy...and Deana picked up lunch for us today...see little blessings that I am thankful for...phew...I am still going full force...it is hard to slow my mind, body, and heart down after a frantic day like today...but God is good...tonight is church and we are going to just hang out with the girls since we only have 3 more classes with them counting tonight...aahhh...I think two of our girls are moving up...but we will gain some too...it will be hard to see the girls leave though...I love them...but I still see them in Children's Church...but it just seems that they begin pulling away once they leave Stars class...anyway tonight we are just playing games...it will be fun...I'm bringing Care Bear Uno, Guess Who, Life, and Bop It...I love Bop It...I played it the other night before I went to sleep and beat it...yes you can beat it...you just play the single player one and keep going until it stops...and I have done it like 4 times now...I am so going to have to get the Bop-it extreme...oohhh...better go put that on my Christmas list...brb...ok done...ha...yes I have started my Christmas list because when my moms ask me what I want I have usually already forgotten the things I thought about so I am making a list already so I dont forget...well God has so cool and has been answering my mini prayers...its neat like I ask that He would help me to hear my alarm when it goes off the first time instead of hearing it the 5th time...and He has...I asked for some other little things that He answered too...I am thankful...it is neat...I love it...last night prayer was so awesome...I love to just get in and pray pray pray...I always end up flat on my face just crying out in the Spirit...it is incredible...I love it...and I love when we all come together at the end in the circle to agree and pray together...we do that right before services at Kids Crusades too and I love it...oh oh oh speaking of Kids Crusades we have one next week...oh man I am Super Psyched...I cant wait...I love them so much...this one is in Clanton and I can drive there right after work...so that makes it perfect...and with the guys getting done with shipping earlier it is great...well I really need to run so I can go home change and round up all the games and head to the church and hang out with the Bible Quizzers cause tonight is the first night of Bible Quiz practice...and there may be some food left if I get there in time...wahoo...I love Bible Quiz...I can not wait for our first match...oh and Daniel's first football game of the season is this Friday night and then we are going to go see Duke's of Hazard for his birthday...I hope it is good...oh and Saturday I get to go swimming and I am super excited...I hope it doesnt rain...ok ok ok...I really gotta go...after church I'm going to Carrie and Boo's to watch Brat Camp...if you havent watched that watch it...it is awesome to see teens lives begin to change and them begin to heal and over come things...well alright...until next time...SEEKING HIM!

It's a long one!

Wow what a day so far...been husselin since I got to work...but it has paid off...last night I went to my mom's and watched home videos...oh my gosh it was so funny...when I first bought my mom her video camera two Christmas' ago Becky and I did and intro on it...it was so stinking hilarious...we sang Felise Navidad and then changed it to Police Stole my Car...ha...oh my gosh I was so fat too...it was so funny to watch...and then we taped holidays with my family...and awwww we had such an AWESOME Thanksgiving last year...I cooked and everyone came to my apt to eat Mom, Glenn, William, Brandie, and Jacob...and we all had the best time...we ate and played with Jacob and it was just the best it had been in so long...I so am praying I can make a tradition out of that...Christmas was good too William played with Jacob's toys instead of opening his presents we all turn childlike when we get together...it is fun...so anyway that was fun to watch except it made me super sick to my stomach...like getting car sick...blah...so we had to turn it off because of that and because it was getting late...so there is more to watch...I cant wait...anyway then I went to Jen and Jason's and laughed so hard at and with Jen...Jen you are a mess I'll tell ya that...and I love ya...then I got home and was sooooo hungry cause I was finally feeling better from homemovie sickness(ha) and so I made the only think I could find...first I had scrambled eggs with Katchup then I was still hungry and so I had oatmeal...I so need to take some time and buy some groceries...but I am never home to use them so most of the time it is a waste to go buy them...lol...I need some good ideas to fix that...like some really yummy quick non parishables...and by the way Easy-Mac is so not a non parishable...I tried to make some of that before the oatmeal and how about the noodles so would not even come close to getting soft then I looked at the date on the box and it said November 2004...EEEEWWWW...I know...but hey I thought that Easy-Mac didnt spoil...WRONG...ah ha...bachelorettehood at it's grandest...lol...anyway that was the extent of my evening...as I was going to bed around midnight I prayed that I would hear the alarm and get up and I did...wahoo...Thank You Jesus...anyway so here I am at work as usual taking my miniscule break to blog...I love to blog...its a great release and a great way for your friends and family to know what goes on with you...now I know most of the time my blog isnt this light...but dont worry I am about to dive into the God stuff...God is really showing me right now several big things I need to work on...there are so many areas...so many things I need to change and give to Him...it is hard...real hard...but I am excited about it too...because I know that it is going to benefit my future and my children in such a positive way...they will not have to deal with or fight through the crud that I have had to...and that is awesome...there are some things right now that I am unclear about exactly what God wants me to do...but I am trying to just be still in those areas and listen...I dont know that I am doing a very good job of that at all...but I am trying at least...I am super excited about the book we are starting in Sunday school...I think it is going to be challenging and great...it is call Running with the Horses by Eugene someone...the guy who wrote the Message Bible...which by the way I have added to my Christmas list...but it is a study on the book of Jeremiah or based on that book...but anyway I am excited and I have started reading Jeremiah...which is how I came about putting that on my Christmas list...because I was struggling reading Jeremiah in NIV so I looked it up on biblegateway.com and started reading it from the Message translation...much easier but it used the word sex and whore alot...freaked me out a little but I kept reading anyway...so anyway God is just really weeding out some things in me...some major things and showing me that I have caused alot of the things I have been hurt by...see how selfish am I that I am just now seeing I have been some of the cause...way to go Tabbie...lol...but better late than never right...and I am just praying that God will continue to show me and keep me open to it...I am so so looking forward to prayer tonight...it is such an awesome time...and I just plan to get lost in it...to get out there the needs that I know God can meet...you know that NOTHING is too big for God...not one thing is EVER going to be more that HE can handle...that just excites me...I really need to grab hold of that knowledge and hold on to it forever...I need to trust Him so much more than I do...in so many areas of my life...but today I am just simple excited...excited about the battles I am fighting...excited that I know Jesus is my Victory -- Jehovah Nissi -- excited that I have been promised a family that is beyond my dreams and wishes...excited that God is in control of my life(that is as long as I let Him be)...excited that He loves me more than I can fathom...excited that He has given me a profound love for Him and all people that I have never experienced before...excited that He has given me friends and family to support me and walk me through the hard times...excited that He saved me from the pit of Hell 4 years ago...man what an INCREDIBLE, AWESOME, MIGHTY, STUPENDOUS(Carrie's word), HOLY, LOVING, FAITHFUL, WONDERFUL, WORTHY, God we have...and to think that I have only allowed Him to barely show me what He can do and what He has for me and how much He loves me...it stinks to be born of flesh...lol...anyway that is what God is doing in me...Sunday was so awesome in so many ways...the highlight was Sunday morning worship/prayer in Children's Church...when I am singing to God I feel like I can just reach out and touch Him and that He is just listening to me praise Him and worship Him...and when I am praying with the kids I am the most complete...I love Children's Church...I love everything about it...I love walking in the door and seeing the kids all there chatting and I love when they hug me and greet me...I love looking at the outline to see the order of things and what PT has planned...I love rabbit...I love when Marcie does object lessons the passion you see all over her when she talks to the kids...I love the gorilla's especially when we have short ones(that was for all us short gorillas out there-we're cool) I love PT's magic tricks and how he interacts with rabbit...they have such a chemistry...I love that he got me out of my box and made me start singing...I love it so much now...I love to see the kids dancing and worshiping and playing games...I love puppet songs...I love sword drills...I love Object lessons, I love our round tables...I just love it all so much...well this is one of those days where I could just write all day but I am sure by now this post is a novel so I'll go ahead and go...I need to get back to work...its Data Entry time...my time to shine...lol...okay just had to make a funny...I am going to give a shout out to Neesie...I love you...you are more precious to me than I am able to show...and a shout out to Dad(I'm not sure if he reads this though)...I love you and and so incredibly thankful to have you as my Dad...I miss you...okay and last but NEVER least a shout out to Jesus...my salvation, my future, my Best Friend, my All in All, You are everything I'll ever need and more...my life is complete because of You...I love You with all my heart...
Jeremiah1:11-12
11GOD's Message came to me: "What do you see, Jeremiah?"
I said, "A walking stick--that's all."
12And GOD said, "Good eyes! I'm sticking with you.
I'll make every word I give you come true."
God thank You for sticking with me all the way...alright I am leaving you guys what that cool verse...until next time...Seeking Him!!

Great Day!!

Today is a great day...I started out with prayer even before getting out of bed...mind you I was praying that God would lay out the clothes I was going to wear to work for me...ha...anyway but I prayed in the car on the way to work and it was good...the whole weekend was just good...Denise and I started our scrapbook and it is looking great...we went to Tannehill...I found the perfect shirt to give to Daniel for his birthday and I think he really loves it...Sunday was awesome...Sunday school was so good...it was challenging and awesome...Children's Church was incredible...everything went great...Marcie did an awesome object lesson...worship was so wonderful...and praying with the kids was so great...it was just awesome...I think we had a fairly good turn out for Junior Bible Quiz...I am so excited about Bible Quiz I can't wait for it to start...I wish I could practice with the kids..but they practice while I am at work :(...but that is okay...and last night's service was great then we did Daniel's birthday after church...anyway it was a really good weekend and I loved it...and I feel great today...I am thankful...well for some reason I am not chatting here in my blog today...so that is a quick update on my weekend...all I can say is God is really working in me right now...there are some big things He is wanting to do and I want to do them...my ultimate goal is to be more like Him and be healed and changed so that I can raise healthy, secure, happy children...so I am working hard to do that with God and praying that my future husband is doing the same thing...I want us to be healed Godly partners and parents...I am willing to wait for that...I am thankful...it's all about God...His timing and will is perfect and I trust Him...until next time...Seeking Him!

Quiet Day

I really have nothing to say on here today...weird for me...but it is one of my quiet days...so I just wanted to give a shout out to Jen cause she gave one to me on her blog a day or so ago...Jen I love you...you are awesome...you are an answer to prayer for me...thank you for being you...I love you bunches...kiss and hug all the kids for me...I'll see you Sunday...enjoy your weekend with the whole bed to yourself...you got the whole bed to yourself...you got the whole be to youself...ha...to everyone else I'll write again on Monday maybe I'll have something to say...lol...Seeking Him!!

Back on top!

Wow what a roller coaster of a week...but its okay...I really feel like this week has just been growth for me...there are areas I really am working hard on...and the fact that I was attacked so badly yesterday just means I am doing something right huh...though I do not like how choleric I was yesterday...sort of a throw care out the window say whatever kind of mode...and that is dangerous for me...but last night at church was so fun and after church was just what I needed with Neesie...we had a great time...it is good to be back on top today though...I feel strong and ready to continue on...I have a craving for God and His will and His word...and I love that...I love to be hungry for Him...well something yesterday got me to thinking about being single...and I really do like it...though I cant wiat to meet my husband and start a family one day...how cool is it that I am pretty much free to do as I like...I really do like that freedom...and I think I use it for God's kingdom pretty wisely...I was aslo thinking yesterday about being real...I used to not be real...but I am all about being real lately and others being real with me...when it happens I am really glad...my thoughts are all over the place...sorry...I cant wait for Bible Quiz to start...I miss it terribly...you know I am just so happy when I am serving God...I am the most complete when God is using me to touch someone's life...which He has allowed this week a couple times...I am just so complete when that happens...and I am most happy when I am doing ministry...whatever it may be...Children's Church, Bible Quiz, Drama(about to get started again), Stars(it has been different this year than any other but I am looking forward to a new year and what it will bring- so so not looking forward to Rachel moving up though-but cant wait to see who new is coming in), praying with people, encouraging people, loving people, ministry is definately my purpose...isnt it everyone's?...maybe not the exact same way...but I would be willing to bet that most people would be most happy when they are making someone else happy by loving them, helping them, listening to them, caring for them, encouraging them, it is what we are here for...God said the greatest of these is love...its all about Him loving us, us loving Him, and through that us loving each other and others...why do we struggle with this so much...I know I do...alot...wow did that just put some things into perspective for me...I have been ugly in my thoughts toward some...ouch...I just got repremanded...that's okay...I am in the wrong...I need to forgive and move on...that is hard for me sometimes...I so just want to just continue to get better...I want to think of others before I think of myself...I want to stop living based on my feelings...I want to love people with God's love...I want to stop being on again off again...I want to always be honest...I want to always include people-all people-no matter how they have treated me...I want to just continue to grow...I want to grow closer to God...I want to spend more time with people I miss...I want to learn to balance my time better...I want to stop having lazy spells...I want to stay organized and Monkish...well to an extent...though I feel so much better when I stay on top of things...I want to exercise and do it on a regular basis and stop letting things throw me off track and it takes me weeks to get back to it...I want to spend my money more wisely...I want to be more consistent...I want to just be better...though I am thankful that I am at least where I am at...I am thankful I am not what I used to be...I am thankful that I love more than I used too...I am thankful that I am more consistent than I used to be...well okay I think today I could write forever...and its okay cause this is who I am and I am thankful for who I am...I love to write...I love to get my feelings and thoughts out on paper on typed out however...it makes me feel better and I have nothing to hide...I am just real...I am just me...I am not ashamed...guilt and shame are lies from satan...tomorrow my boss and I are going to eat ribs...I cant wait...there is this wonderful little shack right down the road that makes the best bar b que I have ever had...but we havent tried their ribs yet...tomorrow we will...I bet they will be great...this weekend we are celebrating my brother's birthday...I cant wait...I love that we celebrate birthdays as a family...I cant wait to go get him a gift...I love buying things for people...I love giving gifts...I love helping people...I love serving people...I love helping people...I love my church...I love my families...I love my friends...I love my neighbor-she takes care of my rose plant and is too sweet...I love my car-it has been a good car and I am sad that I will be trading it in within the next year or so to get something else-I want to keep it but cant afford two cars(ins, gas, tags, maint...etc)...it is a cute little car...nothing fancy...just cute and me...and it gets me to where I need...I am looking at getting a minivan or an SUV with minivan seating capabilities...my brother freaks out everytime I mention getting a minivan because I am not married...but it has nothing to do with that...I need it cause I work with the Children's Ministry and it would be so helpful to haul kids to and fro...and if some guy doesnt want to date or marry me because I have a minivan then he needs to go on about his business anyway...its a car...not important...a minivan does not have to come standard with middle age and kids either...it is practical and I have always bought practical cars...like buying my Malie over my dream car-a 68 camaro...but I am thankful I did...that is not a practical car...my Malie is a great car...Malie is short for Malibu...that's how I name my cars...well this has been a really long post and like I said earlier I could probably write forever...but I guess I will stop and move on about my day...until next time...Seeking Him!!!

Better!

Just wanted to update and say I am feeling much better...much stronger...just needed a good vent to let it all out...God is good...all the time...all the time...God is good...I will not be giving up or running...God is my Rock...My Strength...My Victory...man what a roller coaster of a day...well the whole week really...but that is okay...anyway this is a quick update...until next time...fighting through and seeking Him!!

Failure!

Ok fair warning...this is going to be real...if you dont want to read real...then dont!

You ever have one of those days when you just feel like a failure...ok so that is my day today...it's not like I dont know it is an attack from satan...I do know that...its like I see the things I have been working so hard on and I have failed at them again...even the part where I not supposed to beat myself up about but just recognize those things I failed at and deal with it and move on...well here is me failing at not beating myself up for failing...so today I feel like a great big failure...and I want to run like hell from it all...but I know I'd be running straight to hell...I told you this was going to be real...I am not hiding or sugarcoating anything...I am in a choleric mode right now...and no I'm not sorry for it...what is the point of hiding stuff anyway...does it really make it better no...I am who I am...I am human...I make mistakes...I want to run from the hard...and sometimes I do run from it...though up until today I thought I did a pretty good job of not running...but I am rethinking that whole thing too...I know that I wont run for long...because my heart is to seek God and His will and to be who He made me to be...what I am right now is NOT what He made me to be...I am definately walking in my flesh right now...I have made it past the break down point and moved right into shear anger...I am in fact so angry right now I could destroy something...I am fighting though...I do NOT want satan to win this battle...and ultimately he wont...because I am sold out to Jesus and He is my Victory...I am just having a bit of a hard time standing on that knowledge right now...I am ticked off, dog tired, and ready to attack...this is exactly what I do NOT want to be...I am tired of hurting those around me with my controling, ugly, self...and I am trying to change but seem to be spinning my wheels...God I need you to show me...I need to see where I have gained ground...cause right now I cant see that...I need You to knock this out of me...I am choleric so you know the hit has to be hard and right in the face...okay so this is so not a positive post so I am going to go but I needed to vent...and so I did...this is just me in a real, weak moment...yes I am all about being real right now...well I'm done...a true testament to my ugly side right here...pray for me if you read this...I need God to pull me up out of my own junk! Until next time...FIGHTING THROUGH!!!!!!

Better Day!

Aaaahhh...today was a much better day than yesterday...I am thankful...I went home yesterday and went straight to bed and slept from 6:15pm to 6:45am...how awesome is that...I sooo needed it after the wild weekend we had...but what an awesome weekend it was...I loved it so much...it makes me want to be in full time ministry now...but I know I just need to be patient and content where I am...but I will tell you at times it gets hard for me...I am content but I am anxious for the promises God had made me...but I know His timing is better than mine...and it is not like He doesn't use me all the time...man let me just tell you there is NOTHING better than being used by God to touch someone else's life...I love when I can encourage someone and lift their spirits and help them...it makes me complete...God has used me a couple times this week like that and I love it...I love love love touching others lives and sharing His love with them...I love it more than I love anything except Jesus...well anyway I get to go help the Jones' tonight and I am excited...cause first of all I miss them all so much...I miss spending time with them so much...and I soooooo just love to help...I just really do love to help...so I can not wait...I wanted to help so bad last night but I was not even functional at all...but that is okay...I am tonight...God has been so good to me lately...Sunday after church I was really bummed out...and Sunday night God just loved on me and I just cried...I just needed to cry...it was sort of cool...it was like I just cried on His shoulder...He is an awesome Father...and awesome God and I will never serve another...I have no idea how I lived without Him...through what I lived through...anyway He is just awesome...and always provides what I need when I need it...I still have a long way to go and things I know need to change...but I am ready...I want to change and that is the first step...I am ready to be more like Him...well I actually finished my invoices early this afternoon...so I guess I am going to go because I have wonderful things to do this evening...until next time...Seeking Him with ALL my heart!!!!!

Recovering

I am recovering from an awesome exhausting weekend...Slack Attack was awesome...we played so hard Friday night...we had huge inflatables and video games...it was so much fun...then we swam most of the day Saturday...phew...I am just now catching my breath...but the super sad thing is that I had no batteries for my camera...I could have gotten some great pictures too...I am going to have to prepare better...last week was such a blur though...but you know I love my life...I love God...I love ministry...I love kids...I love people...I am thankful for where God has me...well this is going to be short because I am so tired and not very talkative today...so I'm going to go...I'll write more later. Here are a few pics Danielle sent to me...fun fun! Danielle and meJulie and meMe, Carina, and AmberBrandon, Kara, Jennifer, Courtney, and me

Me and Danielle ha ha Good times!

Short and not sweet

Whoa am I cranky today...I woke up so tired...I went to bed at 10:00 which is normal for me and I slept fine...so I have no idea why I am tired and cranky...but I will be alright...I am sooooooo looking forward to tonight...I went to WalMart at lunch and got an air matress so I wouldnt have to sleep on that hard floor...wahoo...anyway I am praying the rest of this day flies by...I know I am slammed and being pulled in way too many directions...but it's all good...I love my Jesus and He loves me...what more could I ask for...well guess I had better go and get back to work...oh and God spoke to me last night and comforted me about BGMC service on Sunday and I feel better and am actually getting excited about it...Thank you Jesus...on and today is my brother Daniel's birthday...I am so glad he was born 17 years ago...I love him...Happy Birthday to you Daniel...well I am off for a wild weekend with my kids...until next time...Seeking Him!!

Desiring HIs Presence!

Good Day to everyone!!! I feel very good today...God is just showing me places He has grown me and ways I have changed and places He wants to change and ways He wants me to change...and I feel strong and ready...I feel good...I am determined today and that is one of my favorite things to be as long as it is determined for God...this weekend is Slack Attack for the Kids and Youth at our church I am super excited...I am praying that God will move in a mighty way...I can not wait to see what He is going to do...I can not wait to spend time with Marcie and the kids and the youth...we are going to have a great time...we are having video games, DDR, inflatables and amazing transforming services...I cant wait...I have missed the kids so much...I have missed Children's Church...I feel so not at home when I miss them...I am doing BGMC service this Sunday...I am nervous...the services are challenging to plan to pull off for me...it definately makes me appreciate what PT does every week and makes me appreciate and confirms in me my calling to walk along side my future husband in ministry...so if you are reading this pray that services go well tomorrow night and Sunday morning...we are talking about Thailand Sunday morning and I am excited because we have missionaries in Thailand that we know and they have an Xanga site and that is going to be helpful and cool to use Sunday morning...ok a little late but just covered my day in prayer...whew...I so need to do that before my day actually gets started...but better late than never...today is one of those days that I just want to be in His presence...I just want to love on Him and let Him love on me...I just want to worship and praise and sink into the Spirit...and I am going to as much as possible today while working...oh speaking of working I had better get busy I am behind today as it is...but I love my Jesus and I am thankful that He gives me good days in and amongst the "growth" days (growth days is what I am calling bad days)...oh and Carrie gave me gaucho pants so I wore them today, because I wouldn't usually wear something this trendy and wild but she gave them to me so I am wearing them and they are comfortable...I am getting used to them...I may actually really like them...I know I like that they are sooooo comfortable...so comfortalbe...so thank you Carrie for getting me out of my box fashion-wise...you are my fashion guru...well until next time...Seeking Him!

New Creation!

2 Corinthians 5:17 17Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

Yes indeed! The new is coming!!
Wow God is good...I know I am almost a completely different person than I used to be...God has changed me so much...I could list so many things...there is still much to be changed...but I now look forward to the changing...because I know it draws me closer...I am so much more comfortable in my own skin now...I know that hard times bring learning and growth so I do not have the same attitude about trials anymore...I have a confidence I never had before...I am able to flow in different types of crowds now...it truly is amazing how God has changed me and my life...I am so refreshed by it...I know that those who knew me before God can see the difference in me just by looking at me...I dress different, carry myself different, what they see in my eyes is different, the way I talk is different, the way I act and respond is different...it is awesome...and exciting because I hope that 2 years from now I will be more different from today even...because I am changing frequently...like I noticed something last night that was different in me a way I responded to something and a couple weeks ago I responded differently...it was cool...it was God...it is ALL God...I know that without Him I would not be new or changed or anywhere close to what and who I am now...and without the people He placed in my life I would not be the same either...I am thankful...so thankful...God is good to me and He has given me great family and friends to share my journey with...He has provided everything I ever needed to change and grow and LIVE...finally live...how awesome is He...SO AWESOME...I could go on and on but I could never list all the wonderful things God has done for me...so I'll stop now and get back to working...this week has been good Monday and Tuesday was the Annual Sales meeting and it was so quiet and peaceful here...last night we had a dinner party at the country club and it was nice...I realized among other things that I really like dressing up and having a nice fancy dinner...look out future husband...ha...anyway good week so far...ready for class tonight...cant wait to see my girls and everyone...maybe I'll get quiet time in the sanctuary tonight too...I love that...until next time...seeking Him!

Hey Hey Hey!!
Today has started out being a good day...even with the lack of sleep I got last night...I was so tired but couldn't sleep...so I read and wrote...you know there are things that I have wanted to do and havent...like write and photography...I wonder what it would take for me to do those things...I wonder how I can get there...I am going to definately pray about that...and if it is God's will then something will happen...last nights women's meeting was so great...Lynn demonstrated hand tinting photos and showed us around her dark room...it was sweet the way Denise made sure I could see and would put me in front...I was really quiet about my desire to do photography...I guess because I didnt think anyone would really take me seriously...anway it was very cool to see and participate in hand tinting a photo...I love to color so it was so fun...I really think I could love it...praying about it...anyway...God is moving in me...I am ready to be changed for the better...I am going after it full speed ahead...pray for me...last night on the way home Jen and I were chatting and I was thinking how I cant wait to experience the things God has promised me...it will be so exciting and challenging...it will be awesome to see His plan come into play...can't wait...well I guess I do not have alot to say today...so I am going to go ahead and go cause I really can not think of much else to say...until next time...Seeking Him!

Selfish, Selfish, Selfish

Intriguing title huh...well God has been speaking to me about my selfishness...I have today committed to the journey to SELFLESSNESS...not it wont be easy...but I want it so badly...there are so many negative things that stem from selfishness...things that affect those around me greatly...I am tired of being selfish...I am tired of hurting those around me by being selfish...it causes me to be ugly, ungrateful, inconsiderate, annoying, bossy, to name a few...all in all it is just an ugly thing to be...Bro David spoke on Gratitude yesterday...and I knew immediately I had been ungrateful to God and several others in my life...I knew immediately it stems from my selfishness...I have actually known for a while that I am selfish and wanted to work on it...but not quite the way I know and want to work on it now...I know that God can change this in me...I know that He has changed so much of the ugly in me...and I am looking forward to arriving at my goal...but I have no thoughts of it being easy...but I know it will be worth it...especially to all those around me...so if you read this please be praying for me...you know God has been good to me...selfishness aside...He has provided me with family, friends, church, a home, a car, a job...and even when I mess up royally He takes care of me anyway...even when I am unfaithful and not obediant...there He is loving me, ever faithful to me...you know we just could not ask for a better Father than that...I only seek to be more like Him...and I aim to seek Him with all that is in me and get closer to arriving there...closer to Him...pray for me please...well...on a different note...as the days have gone by I have come more and more to realize how wonderful my vacation truly was...mind you it was not what I thought it would be...and that is mostly my fault...but it was wonderful nevertheless...I always set things up in my mind as to what I want them to be...and when they do not turn out exactly like I planned in my head I get disappointed...but that is not to say they arent still wonderful...I am just now realizing this...could be the Meloncholy in me...who knows...anyway I am so thankful for such an amazing and wonderful vacation...there are things I wish I could go back and change(mainly my attitude through out the trip and my actions)...but I can learn from that and move on...I have already been forgiven for the most part...but I just want to thank God for the vacation, Dad, and Neesie...without them there would have been no vacation like that...so Thank you guys...I truly had a wonderful time...forgive my shortcomings, I know they were loud and many...I just ask you to forgive me...I have so many more pictures maybe I can post some more later...hope you enjoyed what did get posted...well today has been a glorious day at work...everyone is in a meeting at the retail store so it has been super quiet here and I have loved it...I have gotten almost all my work done...and tonight I am going to the Women's Meeting and I am super excited...Miss Lynn is going to show us how to hand tint photographs...I have always wanted to do photography...I love taking pictures...so my mind has drifted toward taking a class or two...we shall see though...well I had better run get some lunch and get back and check on the guys in the warehouse...until next time...orivrar...heha...Seeking Him!

Update on cruise...this is all I can do for now...enjoy the pictures!!

Okay it was awesome when the boat came into view...I was so excited...it is the biggest thing I have ever seen...then we checked in through customs and stuff...snapped a pic before boarding(all for you mom), waited in the Purser's Lobby for a min to check on excursions, found our rooms down the longest hall ever, visited the Lido Deck aka all the time food buffet...whoa...ate lunch...food on the ship is incredible...most definately the best part of the whole ship...then we watched the ship leave...they cleaned our rooms twice a day...the turn down service was awesome, they would clean our room, and make and turn down our beds every night...and we got towel animals(so fun and cute), and mints and programs for the next days events...I am now spoiled!!! I was an amazing trip...I loved it!!!

Cozumel...where we got to swim with the dolphins(no pics...had no underwater camera)...this ended up being our first stop...the damage from Emily was extensive...I was so sad for the people here...they are having to rebuild so much...I bet it was once as beautiful as the water!

More Costa Maya shots...this place was incredible and I'd go back in a heart beat...the bottom is a pic of the salt water pool and the restaraunt where we ate lunch...the top is a shot of the entrance from a tower...incredible...absolutely incredible!!

Costa Maya...it doesnt get any better than this...how beautiful...it was my dream...my paradise...especially the hammock!!

Wonderful waitress Maya(from Thailand), Me, and wonderful head waiter Maladin(Bosnia)...they were so awesome and fun and I miss them bunches!

On deck after dinner...whoa...what a view!!

Back in Mobile...2 hours from disembarkation...a tanned Tabbie ready for home!

It's tomorrow! It's tomorrow!!!

Wow...okay this post is going to be short but sweet because I am super tired and I have a ton of work to do...I am leaving tomorrow to go on a cruise...I am crazy excited and I so can not wait to get on that ship...I wont be around agian until next Friday...yep I'm coming back to work next Friday...so I'll be sure and update as soon as I can when I get back...I love all you guys and will miss everyone sooooo much...I'll miss Luvern and I may cry if I think about that...so I'm not going to think about it...I'm gonna miss Kia night, church, STARS, and everyone...I love you all...have a great week...a great week...see you when I get back...wish me lots of rest and relaxation and lots and lots of time with God!!

Thankful still!!

Okay...let me just start of with saying...Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was not all that...first off the name is decieving...it sounds like it would be a sequel to the first one...but its not...now there were some funny parts but I am not sure I would pay to see it again...my brother liked it though...and we had a good time...we haven't gotten to hang out like that in a while...I miss it alot...I didnt get home until Midnight thought...wow...but I actually got up and got to work early this morning...so that was a real shocker...lol...and I am not draggin yet...thank you Jesus...Stars last night was great...it was so fun to pick berries with the girls and just listen to the things they say...they are so wonderful...the dessert was soooooo goood...and I ate waaaayy waayyy too much of it and I still have more at home...Oh Lord Jesus help me...lol...you know what I keep thinking about is spending time with God...I think that is the thing I am most excited about for vacation...is that I want to look out over the expanse of the ocean and sky and just be in the presence of God...I can't wait...I just cant wait...so its a good thing I only have to wait another day and a half right...well you know what else...I am truly surprised at how well I feel...I really have handled the things that transpired over the weekend well...and God has already answered one of my prayers...it is very reassuring to have that happen...I know I have not stood in faith like I desire too...but this is a learning...I was so strong and so able to stand in faith not too long ago...but the enemy was throwing darts at me...small ones...he just pulled out a bigger dart and got me...but I see it as an attack so in seeing that I have grown and am learning from it...isnt it awesome how God uses things like that...I am thankful for the things He has taught me and for the things He is teaching me and for the things He will teach me...so thankful...though I know learning these things was not, is not, and will not be easy...I know it is SOOO worth it...so worth it...you know for the past month or more I have just be so thankful...almost everyday...I love it...I am thankful for it...I am thankful for God's timing...wow...is it perfect or what...it just amazes me...God is good in so many ways and I see new ways all the time...I can not believe how much He loves me and how much I mess up yet He still loves me and will never leave me...my human mind will never understand that...but like Paul it is my prayer that all will know...Ephesians 3:17-18"And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,"...I want to know too...I want to spend the rest of my life trying to grasp that...and becoming more like Him...and loving Him more...and...living a life worthy of the they calling He has given me...Ephesians 4:1-6 "1As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 4There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called— 5one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all."...Father this is my prayer...I want to be all you've called me to be...help me to be willing and open to your direction, change, dicipline, will, and love...it's all about you Jesus...it's all about telling the world how much You love them...it's all about telling children how much You love them...it's all about telling women You can bring them healing and life...it's all about loving all those around me no matter if I like them or now...it's all about interceeding for those who need You and dont know how to get there...it's ALL about you...and I am thankful that You found me, saved me, healed me, redeemed me, changed me, CALLED ME...help me to live a life worthy of the calling You have given me...I love you with all my heart...help me to "Be still, and know that YOU are God"...help me to stand in faith and love as a light to those around me...forgive me for my mess ups, they are many...thank you for that forgiveness...be with me this day...help me to love you more today than yesterday...help me to be better today than yesterday...I love you...in Jesus' name...Amen!!!

A family in need...needs prayer indeed!!

This is my wonderful adopted family...they are truly a gift to me from my Father...from left to right...Daniel(youngest brother), Jared(younger brother), Me, Neesie, Dad...it is amazing how God has weaved me into this family...they are my family as if I were born there...I love them all very much...I am thankful for them!
This is my wonderful birth family...from left to right starting at the top...Brandi(sister in law), William(oldest brother), Glenn(older brother), Me, Mom, Jacob(nephew:William and Brandi's son)...we are all different but I love them all very much! I am thankful for them!

Prayer last night was absolutely incredible...I ended up on my face in the floor just crying...not able to pray only to cry...I cried out for my families last night...I know God heard...I am going to do my best to stand in faith and simply "Be still, and know that He is God." Psalm 46:10...its all I can do...its all I need to do...see there I go trying to fix it on my own...trying to take charge and do it myself...WRONG...I know I can not do this on my own...I know and was reminded last night that I can not even bear this burden for my familes on my own...and I am truly thankful for those who are willing to pray for me and with me...truly thankful...I am thankful for the seekers that were there seeking last night...it is awesome to be in His presence and be with those who are truly seeking...I loved it...well today has gone well so far...I woke up at 6:15am this morning and those of you who know me know that is a miracle, lol...I was at work by 6:50am and I have been productive...I am excited...tonight is going to be great...in Stars we are going to the You Pick It farm to pick blue berries and make the most delicious blueberry dessert EVER...this is the third year in a row we have done it and it has become a tradition and I love it...it is fun picking berries with the girls and then teaching them cooking skills along with God's word and love...what better combination can you have...God, kids, and dessert, lol...anyway then after service I'm going to go see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with Danielle and whoever else wants to come oh yeah I just talked to my brother Daniel and he is going to come...woohoo...anyway I hope more come too...I can't wait to see it...ok so vacation is getting closer and closer...I am so excited...I really just cant wait to be on the boat and have a break from responsibility and stuff going on here and just have fun, relax, and seek God and spend time with Him...not that I cant and dont do that here...but the funny thing is, is that I crave time with God mostly when I am at work and cant dive into His Word like I want to...but my downfall is that when I do have time I let myself be distracted by stupid things instead of getting in the Word...but I have been doing better...I am thankful for that...oh I cant wait to see God's creation that I have never seen before...I am ready to see His sunset over the ocean...I am ready for a break from work and reality as I know it...I am ready to relax and vacate...I am ready to have fun and bond with my family...I am ready to eat good food and not worry about a diet..I am just ready...oh and guess what else is creeping up on me...fall fever...oh man...its already here...I am ready for the fall...crazy I know...summer is just now really here...but I love fall soooooo much...anyway just thought I would share that...well I had better go...got lots to do...Father, today I ask for Your will with the things going on, I ask that You would touch my families and minister there...give me strength, peace, and hope...thank you for Your awesome love and patience and faithfullness...thank you for wonderful people who love me and support me...they are truly gifts from you...help me to be a light here at work today...in Jesus' name...Amen!

Good Morning!

I have decided to post first thing this morning while the day is still new...I got alot done at home last night after working till 6:30 so that is pretty shocking...but wonderful...got my bedroom, bathroom, and living room cleaned, and got a load of laundry done...woohoo...then I sat down with my hot tea and dove right into Ephesians because Jen is ahead of me and I needed to catch up... I am so glad I did...I so needed and craved that time in the Word and with God...then I headed upstairs to bed...I read A Tale of Three Kings while I was whitening my teeth, lol...you know I have to look great for the cruise that I am going on in 4 days...woohoo...anyway...the morning has not started off good but I being in the Word and with God last night has helped protect me...I am still feeling alright...I am thankful...you know I know God loves me and is here with me and is holding me up right now...I dont know how I would survive without Him...He spoke to me alot last night about the places He has brought me from...and I needed to see those things...he also showed me that satan is attacking my faith and has been...he started by throwing small darts and when he saw I was batting them down and standing strong...he brought out the big guns...and yes he knocked me down but not for long this time...I realize now that what I am going through is a major attack of my faith, and seeing is the first step...last night I got back up and dusted myself off crawled up in my Saviors lap and let Him speak and give me strength...so away from me satan in Jesus name...my Father has me safe and sound...I am learning alot through this struggle and understanding more and I am growing...today I am okay...I am thankful...not too mention on 4 more days until I will be boarding a ship...I so can not wait...I am truly vacating, lol...going to take me a nice girly book, my bible, and my family...what more could you ask for...well not to mention being on a grand ship in the ocean and seeing things I have yet to see...so excited...I can not wait!...well I had better go and get this day started and get my work done...I have so much to do!!...hasta luego!...I love you Jesus...thank you for this wonderful day...in Jesus name...Amen!!

5 days and counting!

(This is a real tree from a park close to where I work...cool huh...that face describes how I feel pretty much)
I have never needed a vacation more than I do right now...I am so looking forward to the down time and time with my Savior...I am praying for some serious time in the presence of God...I am praying His presence would be strong...I need His presence right so much...I am looking forward to not having much responsibility oh wont it be nice...I can not wait...I really cant...I am pretty worn out today...it was an exhausting weekend...I wont go into details but it definately took it out of me...I am struggling to have faith and hope in a major area of my life...please pray that I will find that...I need God to speak to me about that specific area...pray for that...but you know I am awesomely blessed...blessed with a Heavenly Father that loves me so much He gave His Son to die so that I might have life and live it to the fullest...I mean wow...who do you know that would do that...I dont know anyone else that would even consider doing that...I am thankful for my Fahter's love and mercy, for His faithfulness and strength...I am thankful that when I fall down I land in His embrace...and He catches me, loves on me, dusts me off, and places my feet back on solid ground...we all need someone who will pick us up when we fall down...He is the one...and though I am struggling alot right now I know I am blessed and loved...I know that I am okay and I have hope that I will make it through and grow from what I am struggling with...that is awesome...Romans 5:3-5 "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit whom he has given us." Father help my faith grow stronger...please speak and help me understand and know the things you would have me to know and understand...help me have hope and faith...I love you with all of my heart...thank you for those you have placed in my life that I can depend on no matter what...thank you for those that stand with me in the hard places...thank you for those that do not ridicule and run from me...I am thankful for You and that you know best and that you provide just what and who I need at just the right time...You are my all in all...and I love you with all I am...help me be better...in Jesus name...Amen!

Death Warmed Over!!

Talk about extremes...today I look and feel like death warmed over, lol...sounds terrible doesnt it...it is not becuase anything bad...actually it is because I spent a time with great people...I was on the phone till well after 1:00 Wednesday night...I had so many things going through my brain I was wired and wasnt sleepy...and so my Neesie stayed up after getting home from All State and talked to me for forever...and then last night Jen came over and we watched a movie and I got in bed after 11:00...so this is what it does to me...I am getting old, lol...I have racoon eyes and I am so not talkative, and I am slow as molassis in winter time, but its July, lol(okay you will only get that last part if you listen to country music)...anyway...it is still a good day, just I am not doing so well with it...but that is alright...tonight I am going to spend the night at my moms with her and my nephew...I may need to go home and nap first, lol...he wears me out...he is an active little joker...anyway...well here is an update on the cruise situation...only 8 days to go...it really doesnt seem real today to me...but Hurricane Emily is headed straight for our destinations...right now she is a category 4...yikes...can you imagine the destruction...so it will be interesting to see where they route us if Cozumel is destroyed...but you know the hurricanes are killin us...I mean I feel so bad for those who live in Cuba...they alaways get hit no matter what path the hurricanes take...poor things...and they cant just up and move...but as far as the cruise goes it doesnt matter to me where we go as long as I can be on that boat vacating, lol...but I really dont want Emily to destroy all these countries she is headed for...and poor Aruba too...man havent they been through enough...speaking of Aruba...wow...thinking of Natalie Hollaway makes me wanna cry...I cant imagine what it must be like for her family to no know what happened to their little girl...noone deserves any of this...ya know...it is such a hard situation...I just pray that something will turn around soon...what happened to those girls...I say those because three years ago a young woman disappeared from a ship that had just left Aruba...I dont think it is directly related to Aruba though...but a country somewhere close by...I suspect they were sold into prostitution...and I cant even allow my mind to go there...the healing those girls will need if that is the case...mmmmhhh...okay I cant think about that...I will cry...it makes me feel so helpless...whoa...when you are tired it is amazing the places your mind will go huh...I am so ready to go home...and have me time...but I am excited to spend time with mom and Jacob too...I dont do this often...I probably should more often...anyway we wont go down that road either...it is just a situation that is all...wow...I really dont like this post today...its such a downer from yesterdays, lol...or any days...blah...well I guess I will go and stop bringing people down, lol...but not before a prayer...Father I thank you for this day, I thank you for your love and faithfulness, I thank you for the wonderful people in my life, help me to pull out of this tiredness and be normal soon...thank you for an opportunity to spend time with my mom...be there with me and guide my words and actions...I pray your presence would be so strong...help me to be a light to them...give me strength and love overflowing...I pray that tonight at church would be awesome and really minister into lives...thank you for you awesome ministries...Father continue your work in me...continue to weed out the bad and replace it with the good...thank you for saving me...in Jesus' name...Amen!

This is what I wish I felt like...this is me playing at the park...I had done a flip over that bar...cool pic huh...my arms are actually freaking me out...that looks so not natural...ha!

Fantabulous!!

I am not sure this day could get any better...but you never know what else God has in store...I dont even know where to begin...well at the beginning I guess would be good...what was the first good thing to happen...oh...I went and weighed this morning...drum roll please...149...woohoo...I am down from 155-157ish...in a week and a half...how awesome is that...than alone made my day...then David called me into his office to show me the newest in new data entry program...Jeremy from Lonehill created just for us...holy cow...it is incredible and is just going to be such a blessing to me in the next couple months...you have no idea...no anyone who hasnt sat here at Summer Classics and rushed to get all the millions upon millions of peices of information keyed into the system before we turn the Sales reps loose to sell our new products could never appreciate this new thing like me...wow...I am so psyched...ok so as if that were not enough...David my boss comes to my office and tells me that my last vacation has been approved for the Kids Crusade in Kentucky in September...I started to cry then stopped and said wait I am not going there yet...this is why...last year they told me I couldnt go so I cried and cried and cried then come to find out they were just playing with me and it had been approved...so this time before I cried I was like okay David you really need to shoot straight with me...and he was serious...so I was like ok can you go now so I can cry...wow...and I have been crying since...lol...I mean as crazy as it sounds...I live my life for Children's Ministry...I am sad everytime I have to miss a crusade or anything our Children's Ministry does...like I cried when I found out we are doing a crusade in Luverne the week I'll be on the cruise...I have been dying to go back to Luverne...it was my very first crusade I ever did...and I want to go back so bad...and I'll cry again thinking about it...but this will be my third year going to Kentucky and it is incredible because the church there really goes all out and let me tell you kids lives are touched and changed...they put alot of time and effort into it...they really get involved...it is so awesome...not to mention how much I love the Neugents...they are they Pastors there and we always stay in their home and they are the most gracious, loving, kind people...they are wonderful...and they have three incredible girls too...it is just the best time ever...the ministry is great, the people are great...I mean the people are really great...it is a church by a military fort...so they have a mixture of people...I mean it is what the church is supposed to be...there are Vietnamese, Korean, Spanish, Black, White, everyone is welcomed and loved...I think it is the most awesome thing ever...and boy do we get loved on while we are there...I mean Miss Becky bakes before we come...I mean bakes...the beautiful Koreans cook for us while we are there...we get Spanish food while we are there...it is just an incredible time of hard hard work and fun and blessing...I so thankful that I am getting to go back again...okay...I just got finished with lunch...Taco Salad from Zapopan...yum and I can eat everything in it guilt free...and it is so good...what a blessing...the day just keeps getting better...Deana brought Emma in...oh my she is gorgeous and has gotten so big...she is beautiful...wow what a day full of blessings...thank you Father for all the wonderful things You have added to my day...well I need to go so I can get work done uninterrupted...have a happy day!!!

10 days!!!

Wow I am so excited about vacation with my family...so excited...I can not wait to actually board the ship...I think that is when I will stop worrying that something will come up and we wont get to go...man would that be a sad day...but I am trying not to let my mind go in that direction...this is my adopted family and the ship we are sailing on in yep you guessed it 10 days!!!...ok...so my friend Jen and I have been reading through Galations together...it has been really good...I have been so blessed by it...now we are heading into Ephesians...I have been listening to it on my cds since yesterday...but I am reading it too...anyway it is really cool to have a friend to do that with...I am excited about this new friendship...and I can not wait to see where God will take it...ok on a more light note...my apartment is finally looking cozy...my mom came over Saturday and helped me put up my curtain(I'll have to take a pic and post it)...oh I love them...they are red and they look awesome...I am going with an Autumn color theme...of course...anyone who knows me knows how much I love Autumn...so reds, browns, burnt oranges, green...I am so excited...I have the red curtains...and red accents which are candles...and I have some brown candles...I need to get a rug, dining table and chairs, my couch mom is covering when she gets time in a brown chanelle...Carrie and I found the most perfect throw pillows at Wal-Mart last night...and I need a bigger mirror and a framed picture...and voila it will be a cozy, homey, home...I am excited...I really do love the red curtains!!!...oh my goodness things got crazy here at work...but phew its calming back down...you know...I have just been craving time with God...craving it...and this crazy world in which we live and the ruler of that world would like nothing more than to keep me busy and distracted...and I let him succeed in that far too often...right now I just wish I were at home with my hot tea, bible, praise and worship music...and not here dealing with work...but I have to keep in my head that I am here for a purpose and it is not to be annoyed...it is to be a light and to be loving and generous and kind...Father help me be that today...I need you today so much, in Jesus name, Amen...I am thankful that today is Wednesday and I get to spend time with Jodi and the girls tonight...and we are starting my favorite unit...cooking...and I think we will learn more this year because we will have to learn to subsitute because Della is allergic to milk products...so it will be fun...I miss them...I miss class uninterrupted...I really need to focus more on class every week and spend time planning and praying...I have not done that in a long time...I have been more unfocused than ever...Father guide me in that direction, renew my passion and desire and vision for Stars, in Jesus name, Amen...these little prayers are helping me alot today...I am struggling with being annoyed...dumb really...I have nothing to be annoyed at...actually I think that at this very moment I am going to just decide not to be annoyed and move on...hhhmmppphh...okay...I am ready to spend some time with God...I wish I could go and do it right now...but I had better go and get this work off my desk so I can leave at 5:00 today and get to church early and maybe have some quiet time in the sanctuary...that would be so nice...I miss that...so I'm off to work work work...Father, help me to be nice, and encouraging today, help me to stay focused and get all my work done early...shine through me today and touch those around me...I love you so much Father...forgive me for loosing my cool so easily...for letting the enemy steal my joy...be with me the rest of this day...be in my words, thoughts, and actions...help me to represent You and be pleasing to You...in Jesus Holy name, Amen!

okay so the pics are gonna be first

Leah, Danielle, and Me
Julie(aka Loudy Louderson) and Me
Danielle(aka Goofy Gooferson) and Me

Better

Well I have to say that today I am feeling much better!...I am so thankful...I got alot done last night at home and that makes me feel better...I have stayed in the Word reading in Galations with a friend and we started praying together...man it is so nice to have someone to do that with...we are being accountability to each other and it really has helped me stay focused...and has inspired me to do more...its great...I am thankful for her definately...I feel so much better when I dont go home and be lazy and just lay around feeling yucky...anyway it seems that there are alot of people who are struggling right now...so I am going to send out a blanket prayer for our church body...Father, I pray a covering of protection over our church body...protect us from the enemy's attacks on our minds, hearts, and bodies...Father, be our strength, motivation, and help us to see the attacks and fight against it...Father I just pray that you would unify us and strengthen us...I pray that we would see and learn the things we need to see and that you would bring healing to this body...Father I thank you...in Jesus name I pray...Amen...phew...I love my heavenly Father...well today has been a funny day...we had a meeting that started at 8:30 this morning to go through our catalog...we have to look at every word and number to make sure it is all correct... there were several strong personalities in there...I was laughing the whole time...I finally was freed a little while ago...wow am I glad...anyway...I just feel sooo much better today...still not feeling as close to God as I had been but I will get back there...well I am going to close with posting some pics that Danielle took with her camera phone Saturday night at the All State Drama thing...enjoy!!

pic

I just sort of figured out how to put pictures in my blog...how fun is that...now I will have to come up with some new pics to share...fun...this is me around February 2005...before I cut my hair.

Clawing back up

Man...I just cant seem to shake this mess...I feel more unmotivated than I can ever remember feeling...I know it is an attack...Sunday morning was the worst ever...well that is until I entered into the presence of God...man I was thankful for praise and worship time in Children's Church...singing and worshiping made me feel so much better...but I am still struggling...it is so not a fun place to be right now...but I am going to make it back...and I am still loving my God so much...I am ready for vacation though...I am really praying for a relaxing time and some really good quiet time with God...I cant imagine not feeling close to him looking out over the vast ocean...I am ready...no hurricane is going to keep us away...I rather enjoyed my time at home last night in the hurricane storm though...I lounged around on my couch reading magazines and drinking hot tea...it was great...I was so thankful that the power did not go out though...I think that would have made me freak out...if I had to sit and listen to the wind blow the trees around outside...but it didnt go out and I had the tv on the live continuing coverage of Hurricane Dennis so I could listen to that...it was rather nice...I do enjoy my time alone...I do I do...well anyway I am going to go cause I am just dont have much to say I'm just not motivated...I have a project I need to get done before I leave for a meeting that will last the rest of the afternoon...yuck...catalog stuff...fun fun...but duty calls...if you read this please pray for me...I could us all the prayers I can get...thanks...bye for now

Crash!

Well the crash is here...I knew it would come...I was up far too high for far too long...but it was nice to be there and I will be there again...but now it is time to get through the down...its funny how it doesnt take much to get knocked back down...I guess I got too comfortable up there and let down my guard...boy satan sure took advantage of that one...ouch...but I will recover...it make take a little bit though...okay well I am typing this in pieces because of work...I feel a little better now...and I hope I am climbing back up...I hate the devil...I mean really his only purpose is to make us all miserable and the worst part about it is that he is patient and attacks at just the right moment when your guard is down...I guess it all really started last night when I let some doubt creep in...but you know it is all okay...things happened and I recognized it and you know that is good for me...I know this post may not make much sense but I guess it doesnt have to...I just know that God is still good...He is good all the time even when things happen that are not so good...He loves me not matter what...and He is here to catch me when I fall...for that I am...guess...you got it thankful...I truly am thankful...you know now that I think about it I do feel better, and thinking about God and his goodness helps alot...oh my gosh...whoa...I just went back and read yesterdays post...and the verse at the end of that post totally fits what happened to me today let me reiterate...Ecclesiastes 9:12 "Like a fish caught in a cruel net or birds in a trap, So men and women are caught by accidents evil and sudden."...things happen...but God is still there and still loves us and is still in control...well after all this blabber I might better go and get some work done...I am ready for the weekend to begin...pressing on pressing on!!

Happy Thursday!!

Wow I am so glad to be home...left out for Huntsville to do inventory on our store Tuesday morning @ 5:00am...and I am glad to be back home...the weekend was so great though...Friday night was Jada's birthday party so I hung out there and we had amazing lazagna that Jen made...wow it was sooo good...I didnt eat the cake cause I didnt want to break my diet too bad...I played with the kids and took them to catch lighting bugs...it was cute because they wanted to catch them but not touch them, lol...it was fun...then the adults hung out in the living room and talked a little while...it was nice...Saturday I slept late and got to the church late but got there and helped with the 4th of July stuff, everything looked great...then I went to moms and played with Jacob for a while...he is a mess...he needs some dicipline definately...but I do not hesitate to give it to him, lol...it was fun and he can be super sweet...when I left he gave me a hug and a kiss...which is the cutest thing because when he kisses you he takes his hands and puts them on your cheeks and pulls you to him...awww...I loved it...then I went home packed and went to Wiggins...we watched a movie...Sunday morning the 4th of July program was wonderful...then we picnic-ed for a while...and went home and I took a long bath and then we watched a movie...the Notebook it was good...I remember reading the book...Monday I slept till 10:30 and then later that afternoon Jason and Jen Arias came over and we all sat around talking for hours and hours...it was wonderful...really wonderful...so that was my edge of your seat weekend...lol...I loved it very much...you know I have been thinking alot lately about the things I am thankful for...it has just been on my mind constantly, everyday...it is nice to think about...you know God is really pulling me up to him...drawing me closer and closer...weeding out the bad and replacing with good, with Him...I am so glad...I still have alot of bad to weed out...I do not want to stop working on it...though I get tired and frustrated...I want to keep fighting...keep seeking...He always provides strength and determination where I lack...and I lack alot...but He is FAITHFULL...always always always faithfull...I am just ready for more of what He has for me...I am going to stay in His word and in His presence as much as I can...I am going to dive deep and seek Him with all I have...I want to heal and grow and change as much as I can...I want to be as healed as I can be for my family and ministry...I know they will benefit greatly from it...speaking of family...God has promised me a husband and family that will be better than what I have dreamed of since I was a child...a family that has HIM at the center...I am excited...and yes I do feel like God can take care of that Himself and no I do not want or need to be set up...lol...yes there is much attitude in that statement...I cant help it...everytime I turn around someone is trying to set me up with someone...I do not want to be set up...I have never liked that...anyway just had to get that out real quick...ok so anyway...I am enjoying my present and looking forward to my future in Jesus...I was ready my bible last night I have the New Century Version...I love it...but came across this verse out of Ecclesiastes...(I couldnt find that version online and I left that bible at home so this is the closest I could find from the Message version)Ecc. 9:11-12 "I took another walk around the neighborhood and realized this on this earth as it is--The race is not always to the swift, Nor the battle to the strong, Nor satisfaction to the wise, Nor riches to the smart, Nor grace to the learned, Sooner or later bad luck hits us all. Noone can predict misfortune. Like a fish caught in a cruel net or birds in a trap, So men and women are caught by accidents evil and sudden."...food for thought.

New Resolve - I am Thankful!

Please dear Jesus let this determination stay...I have been the laziest bum the past couple weeks...havent cleaned my house, havent been eating good, havent exercised(okay that has been way more that a couple weeks)...but today I have a new resolve to do these things...mainly to do the Atkins diet...but I know that I will not follow through with this unless I get out of this lazy spell...I do this from time to time...its a cycle with me...it is OCD for a while...then LAZY for a while...yes it drives me crazy...so I am praying(and you pray too) that this new resolve sticks...okay aside from that...I have just woke up everyday Thankful...thankful to my Lord for everything...for the place I am in, for the blessings He has given, for the things I have learned, for the people He has placed in my life, for everything...it is such an awesome place to be...I mean right now I am so thankful there are tears stinging my eyes...I just dont know what else to say except to give God ALL the glory for all I am, all I do, and where I have come from...I mean when I think of what I was back then, I mean I could go into some pretty horrible detail but I wont...but on the whole...I was not a nice person, I was ugly to my friends...it was all about me...my way, what I want, how I want it, when I want it...and the thing is, that I was so blind to it all until I allowed God to show me and help me learn differently...now I do not desire to be that way any longer...now that is not to say that I dont make mistakes...and I make them often...but I dont desire to be that way...I want to be different...to love others more than myself and I am learning to do just that...God has given me a huge love for others and an appreciation for myself that I never had before...but it doesnt have to be all about me anymore or what I want...now I still struggle big time with selfishness...but I am now willing to look and go...okay what I just did was selfish and I need to ask forgiveness and make it right...and I was never willing to look at myself like that before and admit I when I am wrong...it is not easy but you know it is so worth it...becuase I know the people around me are certainly blessed by the changes in me...man to think what a miserable person I was to be around...well anyway...I am just thankful...so thankful...for so many things...little things and big things...like thankful that I have a job that pays my bills and allows us to have fun...like today we had a bar-b-que lunch becuase we did a 3 million dollar month...so we all went and hung out and ate bar-b-que and had a great time...we have been goofing all day...fun...I am thankful that I actually like my haircut...see little things like that...I am thankful that I am going to get to go on a cruise with my family...I have never been on a real vacation before much less a cruise...I am thankful that Daniel called me yesterday while he was sitting in the chaise lounge in the shallow end of the pool...I am thankful for sticky notes...I am thankful for the sunshine...I could go on and on and on and on...but I guess I need to go ahead and stop and get my work done and get out of here so I can go to Jada's birthday party...Thank you Jesus for all the wonderful things in my life...but thank you most of all for your incredible love and sacrifice...I am thankful!! 2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"