No words to describe

Today at work we got some incredible news...my bosses are having twins...after more than 5 years and I can't imagine how many heartaches and heartbreaks later...twins...they are going to have twins...so I ask right off that as you read this you would immediately pray...please that these babies would make it and be healthy...she is just far enough along to be mildly comfortable sharing the news...you know I am not a mother so I can not even begin to imagine the pain she has gone through...the pain they have both gone through...I didnt know that they were trying as hard as they have been or that they have had so much pain and things happen...I am just praising God for this blessing...if anyone who is in my Sunday school class reads this...remind me to share it as a God moment...because it truly truly is...she is going to be a mother...the look in her eyes said it all...she could hardly stand in the room with us becuase she wanted to cry so bad...and she doesnt cry in front of others at all...her eyes said it all...all that I didnt even know...I had no idea until today the pain that was there...I can not believe I didnt know it...didnt see it...I can not belive I haven't been praying...well I'm praying now...I guess I need to get off the other and just pray...you know it is so hard for us to look and see what God see's...that is one of my prayers for this year...I want to look at others and immediately see what God sees...not what Tabbie would see...because guess what...what Tabbie would see isnt always good...you know and you never know what someone has been through...you dont know why someone reacts or responds they way they do...God sees the heart...God sees the hurt inside, the needs, the wants, the desires, and even the reasons for their walls...and you know I'd be willing to be that ever single person we come across that we dont like for whatever reason...just has walls put up to protect themselves...and we may never ever know why...why cant we be willing to love them anyway...to know without having to see or be given anything that they are just like us...they are human, they make mistakes, they put wall up to protect themselves, they put up defenses to feel safe...why cant I be willing to look past that...why cant I be willing to ignore that...why cant I be willing to accept people as they are and simply love...why cant I love without having to have something in return...without having to have someone respond to me in a certain way...without having to have them give back to me in some way...do we always or ever give back to Jesus for the love He gives us...I was humbled last night...God spoke to me...why would the God of this universe speak to me...why...I am not worthy of that...I am not worthy of His love...I guess it's a good thing we dont have to be...He simply loves us...He simply sees past all the defenses and walls we put up...this year I want to see people like He sees them...this year I want to love freely without having to have anything in return...man thats gonna be hard considering I am one of the most selfish people on the planet...uuuggghhh...who do I always think of first...myself...uuuggghhh...boy when you get right down to the heart of me I am down right ugly...Father change me...change me this year...I seek to be different...to be more like you...to look and see more like you...to think more like you...help me Father...continue to speak to me...Father I ask you specifically...will you make me selfless...will you purify my heart and my mind...I ask in Jesus name...Thank you Father...thank you Jesus for loving though we are unworhty to be loved...thank you Father for speaking though we are unworthy of hearing your voice...thank you Father for all you are...I know I am only seeing a glimpse of who you are...for if I were to see the whole it would be too much for me and I would surely die right there...but I look forward to seeing and knowing the whole You when I come home to Heaven...I love you Father...I love you as much as my selfish human self can love you...Help me love you more...in Jesus name I ask and pray...AMEN!!