Old maid syndrome...ok this post is not going to be as wonderful as the last one sorry...I so have to do some venting before I explode...let me give a disclaimer first...I am slightly in despair...but its nothing that wont pass...I am having a pity moment...and just need to vent...it probably wont be pleasant or really true...lol...ok so another person younger than me just got engaged...last year at Becky's wedding she and I were the two cited to get married next...how 'bout she beat me...and I pretty much knew she would...although she is very much more whole in Christ than I am so it is really quite normal for her to find her prince charming and marry first...but it does not help me feel any less of an old maid...this will be the fourth wedding I will attend of someone that is younger than me...how 'bout that makes me want to be angrier at my mom for not creating a stable environment filled with God so that maybe by now I would have been whole and married...lol...blah blah blah...lol...I am telling you I am screaming on the inside...and how stupid is it that I just walked through the warehouse feeling the most unworthy, ugly, and self conscioncious than I have in a long time...the good thing is, is that I know somewhere deep down this is all completely insane...that someday my prince will come and I will have my moment in the glorious wedding spotlight...but these younger gals marrying off before me really makes me sad, impatient, and so very insecure...and I know because of something that happened the other night I have a very limited amount of people I can really talk to about this...and though that is okay...it makes it HARDER...and I know this is all dumb and I need to rise above and stand in faith...some days are harder than others...and its not that I just have to have a guy or just want to get married...no I want the real thing...and I am willing to wait for it...but my patience has worn thin...and I have struggled for a little while now to get back to the place I was in last summer...before I allowed my world to be shaken and my patience to fly out the window...again whos fault is it...MINE...yuck...and guess what I turned to today to give me comfort...chocolate...like that is going to make me feel any better about myself...with my already growing waisteline...could I please get a break here...although I do have a great new idea for getting myself out to exercise...I got it from the magazine Todays Christian Woman...books on tape...yes I love to read...and once I get in a good book I dont want to put it down...so if I get them on audio and only allow myself to listen while exercising that would give me great incentive to get out and walk at least...I was inspired by the story I read online in the magazine...I hope it works for me...I plan to shop this weekend for the supplies I'll need to get started...got to find a great book on audio to start with and get a portable cd player...yippe...good thing I just got a bonus check in the bank...blah...chocolate...it sure would help if it were good for me...hee hee...it would be greater if it were a weight loss supplement...yipee...on a lighter more happy note...my boss is having twins and she found out today the other baby IS a girl...so she will be having a boy and a girl...how incredible is that...considering this is her once chance to have children and she really wanted one of each...I'd say God is good...and that should be a testament to me to turn back to trusting him and stop bellyaching...I promise to try my hardest...to throw out an excuse...this has been a really crazy, mixed up, hard week...again whos fault...mine...but in my defense it has been a mess...and on top of that I am possibly coming down with strep...yipee...though I feel much better today than I did yesterday...oh today...now there is a whole hilarious stinky story...I thought my cats vet apt was today and it turns out its tomorrow...I just say that...he hates the car, the crate, and being in a new environment...and he cant eat before surgery...you do the math...poor guy...anyway I had better move past my bellyaching to get some invoicing done...as I am the only one here today to do it...my boss had to be kept over night for some tests on her and the babies to chart her progress more closely and get some more information on stuff I really dont have a clue about...pray for her...this is her dream...pray for me and my retartedness...I really need to put my faith back in my Father and stand in peace where I am...please pray...please please pray...anyway I do feel some better...yeah!! And I do know my God is good...no matter how stupid I am...HIS LOVE ENDURES FOREVER!! I am thankful!! Lata Gatas!!

I love Jesus yes I do I love Jesus how 'bout you?!?!?!?

Man this is my year of Victory but someone forgot to make it easy...what's up with that...I am fighting a battle...probably the toughest one yet...major major healing...but I am excited because I know once I beat this I will be stronger, better, more whole than EVER before...its incredible and incredibly exciting...wow I think I just figured out what I am going to talk about at the TOG meeting tonight...yipee...anyway God is moving...He is working...He is doing so much and pulling out so much hurt and damage from my heart...DID I SAY IT HURTS YET...wow...does it ever...let me say that one more again...IT HURTS...but did I also say...I AM EXCITED!!!!...man I AM EXCITED...I really really am...I already feel lighter than before and its only just begun...I cant really give away details because I dont have the words...its just a major healing from my past the things I went through as a child...and let me tell you if you think that the things you went through as a child dont affect you that they are just in the past...whoa...I'll be blunt...you are WRONG...you cant just walk away unscathed from that stuff...you can run and try to hide from it...but its there whether you are willing to accept it or not...and I promise if you face it though it is hard and it hurts...you will feel so incredible afterward...IT IS WORTH IT...SO WORTH IT...anyway that stuff will always affect you until you face it head on and give it to God peice by piece...that is what I have learned...I AM EXCITED...now ask me tomorrow if I am excited and I may tell you a different story...but today I am good...I am ready...I am excited...I am armored up...well anyway I must go because its FRIDAY and I really want to get out of here on time!!! Pray for me, for strength, for wisdom, for courage, for openness, for trust in God, for determination and endurance...to run this race to the finish...GAME ON!! I LOVE JESUS!!!

Ok I know Valentine's Day is done and gone...and lots of people want to just forget about it...but not me...now did I have some wonderful guy shower me with love and gifts...YES...but not in the way you think!!!! I spent my Valentine's evening with the love of my life ~ Jesus Christ my Savior!! We had prayer at the church and I was there on my face before God...praising Him and crying out to Him...why is that so awesome you say???...Well first of all because God is awesome and that's enough...but secondly because I was excited about spending my Valentine's Day with God...finally I have gotten completely past the need to have a guy in my life...and God keeps showing me how good it is to be where I am...and it took me a really long time to get here...a couple years ago I would have been busted over not having a date on Valentine's day...no not a date but a relationship...but now I can say with complete certaintity that I do not need that to be happy or complete or okay with myself...that is a hard place to get for a girl like me...and let me tell you that road wasnt easy...but...IT WAS WORTH IT...and I would not trade it for anything in the world...the next Valentine's day I spend with a guy I want it to be in God's timing and I want him to be my husband to be or my husband already...and I am completely secure that that will take place one day when the timing is right and both myself and my future husband are ready to take that step...you know what...God is good...let me say it this way...God is enough...I need nothing or noone else...and He has shown me that in a real way lately...I want people in my life...but I do not HAVE TO HAVE people in my life...and I think I will always have people in my life...but the point is...is that God is sufficient to cover all my needs and wants...I need to worry about nothing else...nothing else at all...and I am sooooo very very relieved about that!! Well anyway...I also had wonderful surprises from the people in my life on Valentine's Day...some people at work gave me stuff and my brothers gave me a charm and huge card and Neesie gave me this leather magazine tub I have been wanting for FOREVER and a coloring book I cant wait to color in and my favorite gum and a sweet card and my Dad gave me my favorite flowers...Carnations...and a sweet card...it was nice...I am thankful for all the things I recieved physically and spiritually this Valentine's Day!! God is good...all the time...all the time...God is good!!

It's me again...I know I could be getting good at this whole blog thing again huh...ha...last night's service was so incredible...I was so struggling...I am not exactly sure why...but I think I have it figured out...anyway...there was an altar call given in the middle of praise and worship...let me just say real quick I love how our church totally lets the Spirit lead and it's just fine to give an altar call in the middle of something if the Spirit moves...anyway so there was an altar call given for those who have parents who dont know the Lord...and let me tell you I am in youth on Wednesday nights...and I am 25...so I was not really keen on going on up to the altar in a youth service...call me proud or vain or whatever...but God toally catered to that want...I stood at my seat and just said God please see me standing here...I dont want to go up there but see me anyway...and up until that altar call I was just numb I wasnt feeling a thing...well at this point I am standing there crying and crying out to God to please see me...and He did...the next thing I know one of my friends was there praying for me and speaking into my life...that is the first time in a really really long time God used her to minister to me...and it was awesome...God spoke several things I needed to hear but didnt know I needed to hear...wow...I was weeping...it was great...I so needed that...and I wanted to continue to weep the whole rest of the service...and at the end of serice during that altar call and worship time one of the girls in the youth came up and hugged me...it was so wonderful words can not even express that she would come over to the other side of the room to reach out to me like that...and not forgetting another friend of mine that was standing right beside me all service that loved on me after I got prayed for in the beginning...this is a friend I have just started to embrace...she is definately a lover...and I think I actually like that about her...which is incredibly odd for me becuase I am not a toucher really...but she is alot like me and we like alot of the same things...well we are both very girly...I have such a girly side that I dont let out much...and alot of the times there is not someone there that is girly like me to share it with...so it will be nice to have that...I am looking forward to slowly seeing where this friendship will go...I am learning to not jump into friendships head first...becaue I hurt others that way and I get hurt as well...it is different taking things slow and getting to know someone like that...and its not even really in the physical realm but in my mind and heart that I have slowed things down...it is different...and I will admit that I am apprehensive...but we'll see where it goes...I do not know...and I do not want to plan it...lol...like I always do...anyway...I am just ever so thankful for the way God works...the way He knows me so much better than I know myself...and He knows exactly what I need before I ever even suspect...I am in awe...and last night too...I got to talk to my brother...and he was more open with me than he has been in a very long time...I just pray that I will know the correct place to stand with him...and the best way to love him and be an example to him and guide him...I am so thankful for my brothers...I have found a new awareness of the ways they bless my life lately...I have never had brother like this...that care about me and want to actually have a real relationship with me...it is very different but very wonderful too...I am loving it...God has given me back so much that I never got growing up...and you know I have only been a Daughter of the King for about 4 years...and He has done so much...I have fought really hard the battles He has placed before me and I am so glad I have been so willing to fight so hard...I hope I stay willing...anyway I realized again the other day how much he has given me through my second mom...alot of what I am able to give back to others I first got from her...she is the only one in my life that loves unconditionally...and I am so thankful...I have no idea how I could ever survive or live without her...she is amazing...and I do not give her the credit that I should...I do not give her the appreciation that I should...in fact most of the time my actions do not match my words at all...its like a trap I am in...and I know God is trying desperately to change that in me...if only I could grab a hold and get it...I hope that is one thing that will be done this year...and oh how I love music...mmmmm...okay well I must go and get this work day done...there is so much to do...until next time...God is AWESOME and He is all I will EVER need!! I love you my Father...I am so thankful for all that you do...I am sorry I do not show you more appreciation and love...I love you!!!

Well last night was prayer...man do I love prayer...but I was definately struggling some last night to just get lost in His presence...I hate when I struggle there...I was definately feeling bad about the amount of time I have spent reading my bible and spending time with God...I have not done that much lately at all...here's the funny thing...I know how awesome it is do be in the Word and spend time in God's presence...why on earth do I not make time for it...uuggghhh...there is just simply no excuse for it at all...I need to be doing it EVERY DAY...and there was a time not too long ago when I was doing it every day...but I have not been doing it ever day...maybe a couple days a week...yuck...what is up with that...I know what I am missing...I know that I could have so much more peace, confidence, joy, so much more good stuff...I have got to make that a priority...just sit down and make the time to get lost in the Word and His presence...and all else will fall into place...man I love my God so much...but I sure do a poor job showing Him on a daily basis...I am ashamed of how I have neglected Him...ok so today I am resolving to do better starting today...I will find time to read my bible and sit and visit with my Father today...ok so I havent been posting here much...it's been busy and I havent had alot to say...that is weird for me...maybe I havent taken the time to just write...anyway...we now have a place at the river...which is so exciting...it is so beautiful there...and peaceful...we were there this past weekend for a women's meeting...and that was fun...I can not wait for it to get warm so we can hang there more and really enjoy it...I hope it will be safe to swim around the pier...that will be so fun...cause we have cool floats and stuff...dude I am going to be dark this summer...hee hee...I can not wait...anyway that will be super fun...well my computer is acting crazy so I had better go...lata gatas!! God is good all the time, all the time God is good!!!

TGIF...yes as usual I am so glad it is Friday...and this weekend is BGMC weekend and I have found so much information on the country we are learning about and I am excited...I am thankful too for that excitement... and I really want BGMC this year to be light and fun and wonderful and not stressful and something I fret about...Father I need you in that...I have given this to you...BGMC is nothing without you...oh I am so excited...ideas just keep coming in...cool...well lets see the coolest most wonderful thing that has happened lately is the changes in my relationship to my brother Jared and my brother Daniel...Jared and I have made it to a whole new level of acceptance in our relationship and I never thought it would be like this...I am excited...and I cant wait to see it grow...please Father dont let either of us takes steps backwards...and Daniel and I have come back around...not full circle by any means...but things are better between us than they have been in a little while...so for that I am thankful...and I am so blessed to have brothers like them...I have never had brothers like them before...now mind you I love my older brothers...love them so much...but we do not really have a relationship...we barely even know each other...and that is terribly sad to me...and I hope and pray that one day that will change too...well that is really all I have time for right now I need to get back to work...it is Friday and the sooner quiting time gets here the better!!

I need a little moment to vent some of this fire in my belly…wow…God I don’t want to walk in sin with this…I know it would be easy to judge there…Father I need you to help me put this into perspective…its not a new battle…its not something I have come up with brand new…its an existing fight…not one that no one has ever noticed or tried to win…me and my narrow minded thinking…help me to see that, help me to not go overboard with this…help me to do with it what YOU would have me do with it…help me to have balance and know where my boundaries are…that way I do not hurt others…balance…control...not the bad kind…lol…Father I feel like there is much to learn here…help me see and be open and listen to You and obey you…right now this is consuming me…I am burning for it…I am passionate about it…and I don’t wan to loose that passion…but I want to be able to have a clear mind and put it into perspective…there are so many places I need balance…but I’m not going there today either…one day at a time…today Father help me to hear YOUR voice and know YOUR will and know YOUR way…help me to see and understand the things that YOU would have me see and understand in this…Father I need you and I need to be in prayer to you everyday…seeking guidance and wisdom for myself and others…help me to find the permanent discipline I need to stay in your WORD and to daily converse with You and be in constant communion with You…Father there are many desires…help me today to calm down and begin to find balance and perspective…I need you…In Jesus name I ask these things! Amen!

Good Morning...well this new year has started off kind of rough but strong...like there are hard things going on but I am standing stronger than ever before...it is quite interesting...I am not attacking people that are hurting me...I am actually loving them in spite of the things they do to me...it is hard...cause I want to be ugly to them...but at the same time the part of me that does not want to be ugly to them is stronger...so that is wonderful...that means the God in me is stronger than the flesh in that area right now...I am so very thankful to God for all that He gives...for all that He does...for all that He has made me...and for all that He is going to do in me this year...I know already this year is not going to be an easy year...but I want to do the things I need to do to draw closer to HIM...its all about HIM...noone else but HIM!!! My heart cries out to HIM, my heart yearns for HIM...at this point HE is all I am after...but there are still things that I desire as well...I just want HIM more...at least today that is where I am...man if I could just be more consistent in everthing I do and think and feel...that would be great...I know that I am more at peace when I am in HIS presence either seeking His face or His Spirit pouring through me to minister to someone else...I love to minister to others...and I am glad that I am finally to a point where I feel comfortable ministering to anyone...and I want to minister to anyone...and I am glad that He knows me better than I know myself...I am so thankful that He has all those things worked out and that He knows where I am going next and where He is taking me...now if I can just sit back and enjoy the ride it would be great...so many goals...He will help me mee them all if they are right for me though...my only desire the one that sums them all up would be to be better, to become more Christlike, that sums up all my goals in one...they all equal that...so that is good...be in prayer for me...I need strength, wisdom, and determination...I need to be willing to let go...and I am very reluctant to do that...always have been...and pray that I will be patient with myself and with God...my patientce runs out quickly these days...which is quite annoying...lol...but in all this I know that God's love is a healing balm...last night was prayer and I just cried out to HIM...I have cried alot lately more than I ever have in my life I think...almost daily...but last night I cried to Him...I cried so that He could have my tears...and it helped...His love flowed through me like a warm healing balm and I feel so much better today...even still facing the same circumstances as the days before...He has been my Helper, my Healer, my Friend, my Father, my EVERYTHING...and I am thankful...I am thankful for His sacrifice so that today I can feel His love and presence and strength...I am thankful that though I am not worthy He gives me everything I need freely anyway...I am thankful that I have chosen Him and He has chosen me...well that is all for now...I urge you that if you do not know Jesus you get to know Him soon...He will change your whole life and bring joy beyond any words...if you are looking for love and acceptance Jesus is the way...if you are looking for peace and guidance Jesus is the way...if you are looking for life and truth Jesus is the way...THE ONLY WAY...and His gift is free...it only takes you asking and believeing...I love you my Father...be with me today in all that I will face...help me to be the light in the darkness...In Jesus name I ask...Amen!

Good Afternoon...wow how bout this really has been a great week...no really in all circumstances but in God...though I am still not even close to being where I should be with Him...how incredible is it that He has blessed me anyway...He is just so good to me...and I NEVER deserve that...ooohhh Wednesday night in youth service(yes I really am too old to be in youth service but hey I dont care where I hear the word I just want to hear it)so anyway in youth Boo was preaching out of the "love chapter"...man I love that chapter...anyway he said try replacing the word love with God...and this is how it goes...
1 Corinthians 13
"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not God, I am only a resounding gong or clanging cymbol. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all myseteris and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not God, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not God, I gain nothing. God is patient, God is kind. He does not envy, He does not boast, He is not proud. He is not rude, He is not selfseeking, He is not easily angered, He keeps no record of wrongs. God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. He always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres. God never fails. But where there are prophesies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And know these three remain faith, hope and God. But the greatest of these is God."

Whoa...I thought that was awesome...God is awesome...He never fails...that's the bottom line!!

No words to describe

Today at work we got some incredible news...my bosses are having twins...after more than 5 years and I can't imagine how many heartaches and heartbreaks later...twins...they are going to have twins...so I ask right off that as you read this you would immediately pray...please that these babies would make it and be healthy...she is just far enough along to be mildly comfortable sharing the news...you know I am not a mother so I can not even begin to imagine the pain she has gone through...the pain they have both gone through...I didnt know that they were trying as hard as they have been or that they have had so much pain and things happen...I am just praising God for this blessing...if anyone who is in my Sunday school class reads this...remind me to share it as a God moment...because it truly truly is...she is going to be a mother...the look in her eyes said it all...she could hardly stand in the room with us becuase she wanted to cry so bad...and she doesnt cry in front of others at all...her eyes said it all...all that I didnt even know...I had no idea until today the pain that was there...I can not believe I didnt know it...didnt see it...I can not belive I haven't been praying...well I'm praying now...I guess I need to get off the other and just pray...you know it is so hard for us to look and see what God see's...that is one of my prayers for this year...I want to look at others and immediately see what God sees...not what Tabbie would see...because guess what...what Tabbie would see isnt always good...you know and you never know what someone has been through...you dont know why someone reacts or responds they way they do...God sees the heart...God sees the hurt inside, the needs, the wants, the desires, and even the reasons for their walls...and you know I'd be willing to be that ever single person we come across that we dont like for whatever reason...just has walls put up to protect themselves...and we may never ever know why...why cant we be willing to love them anyway...to know without having to see or be given anything that they are just like us...they are human, they make mistakes, they put wall up to protect themselves, they put up defenses to feel safe...why cant I be willing to look past that...why cant I be willing to ignore that...why cant I be willing to accept people as they are and simply love...why cant I love without having to have something in return...without having to have someone respond to me in a certain way...without having to have them give back to me in some way...do we always or ever give back to Jesus for the love He gives us...I was humbled last night...God spoke to me...why would the God of this universe speak to me...why...I am not worthy of that...I am not worthy of His love...I guess it's a good thing we dont have to be...He simply loves us...He simply sees past all the defenses and walls we put up...this year I want to see people like He sees them...this year I want to love freely without having to have anything in return...man thats gonna be hard considering I am one of the most selfish people on the planet...uuuggghhh...who do I always think of first...myself...uuuggghhh...boy when you get right down to the heart of me I am down right ugly...Father change me...change me this year...I seek to be different...to be more like you...to look and see more like you...to think more like you...help me Father...continue to speak to me...Father I ask you specifically...will you make me selfless...will you purify my heart and my mind...I ask in Jesus name...Thank you Father...thank you Jesus for loving though we are unworhty to be loved...thank you Father for speaking though we are unworthy of hearing your voice...thank you Father for all you are...I know I am only seeing a glimpse of who you are...for if I were to see the whole it would be too much for me and I would surely die right there...but I look forward to seeing and knowing the whole You when I come home to Heaven...I love you Father...I love you as much as my selfish human self can love you...Help me love you more...in Jesus name I ask and pray...AMEN!!

Well...I am sort of in a quiet mood today...just too exhausted to even talk really...my mind is only functioning when it has to which is alot today at work...isnt it funny how quickly we slip in and out of moods...anyway...you know there has been so much going on in me lately...so much work to be done...so much that needs to take place...so many walls I need to tear down...how hard it is sometimes...but never once have I thought it wasnt worth it...several times I have thought of giving up...but not becuase I thought it wasnt worth it...just because I wanted to be lazy and not fight...stupid flesh...stupid sin...stupid stupid EVE...ha ha...but such is life ya know...and we can either choose to fight or choose to quit...if we choose to quit then that's it...there's nothing more...not greener grass on the other side...its too sad to think of quitting...I dont want status quo...I want more...besides I am convinced that it takes alot more energy to run from God than to allow Him to work in your life...so really quitting isnt going to give you the rest you think it is...lets talk about relationships...man do I struggle there...soooo much...I dont think I have a single relationship that doesnt take lots of work and time and effort...why...well becuase it is pretty hard to keep a relationship if you dont put time and effort and work into it...and really could you imagine your life without relationships...I like having friends and family to talk to and share things with...so I think relationships are hard yes...but just as worth is as the fight to be more Christ like...after all isnt that fight a relationship too...its a relationship with God...so yes relationships are hard and take lots of work...but I have decided that they too are worth it...I still have so much to improve upon...so much...I need to be more consistent...need to be more thoughtful...need to learn when to shut up...need to learn to be more selfless...need to take chances more...need to have more grace...need to let go more...FOR SURE...ha...yeah...God is probably the only one who gets that with me...we all need to learn how to include others more...which in all essence should be common sense and common courtesy and just plain polite...but let me tell you...me especially...man I didnt know alot of this stuff...it didnt come natural to me...but I want to learn and that has made all the difference...I learned that clicks suck and they hurt people...I have learned that you can easily include someone simply by opening up a circle of people with your body and not turning your back to someone...I have learned not to talk about doing something that is an exclusive activity in front of someone that cant do the activity or hasnt been invited to do the activity...I have learned that it is okay to do somethings exclusively but you just dont discuss it publicly...it hurts people...I have both hurt others and been hurt by this...I have learned that you have to focus on the person you are talking to and listen to what they are saying...duh I know...but this is especially hard for me being choleric and selfish...I have learned that consistency is probably one of the most important things involved in trusting someone and gaining someones trust...I have learned honesty is always the best policy...I have learned that always answering the phone if you can or always returning a voicemail is highly important...even if you cant talk long...it simply lets somone know that you care enough to acknowledge their taking the time to call and their caring enought to do so...its the least you can do...and probably the hardest thing I am learning is that feelings are not everything...sometimes how you feel means didly squat and you have to rise above and follow through anyway...and have a good attitude while you are following through...oh yes that is a hard one...all these are things I am learning and trying to put into practice...gah...its hard...and I dont do as well with any of them as I would like...I need lots more training and help in this area...but my prayer is that one day it will be natural to me and just come easily to include and love others in this way...I think it is already easier today that it was when I first started learning and trying...willingness to try is the key...willingness to see and to learn and to try and the want to include others is big...it is my prayer for this year...it is one of my goals for this year...I am going to try my very best to not leave anyone out and to try in everyway to make sure others are included in activities and such...for I know the hurt and the pain of being left out and forgotten and cast aside...well I guess that is all for now I need to get back to work...I'll leave you with a verse...Matthew 7:12 "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you..."Father with your help I know I can accomplish these things...I love you and want to draw closer to you this year!!!

THINGS TO CLING TO IN 2006

1. God is for me!
2. God is for me!
3. God is for me!
4. God is for me!
5. God is for me!
Romans 8

6. Philippians 1:6 "Being confident of this, the he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

7. Romans 5:3-5 "We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us -- they help us learn to endure. And endurance develops strength of character in us and character strengthens our confident expectation of salvation. And this expectation will not disappoint us. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love."

Philippians 1:6
"Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

I wouldnt go as far as to say I am confident in that but I am trying to be...at this point it is the only hope I am standing on...in this battle I am in, I have my good moments...I do not feel like I am winning or gaining any ground yet...but surely I will get better...oh please Father let me get better...complete this work in me soon...this is the hardest thing I ever remember having to do...and I still dont think I am doing it...but at least I am praying about it and seeking and open to doing it somewhat...I am terrified...but I dont know what terrifies me more...doing it or failing trying to do it...aahhh...you know it only takes me a second to switch it off...and then I feel helpless again...once I switch it off I cant seem to unswitch...blah...I told God we'd do it one day at a time...I am lacking in patience though...I am failing everyday...I guess I am just so used to making a choice to do something and then just doing it and its done...this is so not like that at all...but to talk about it one would not understand the dificulty in what I need to do...I dont think there is a single person that understands...and that sort of makes is harder...but God understands I know...and I know He'll give me strength...but there is alot of work I need to do...God help me...the only thing I have been good at lately is crying out to you...but that is it...I know that is a start but eventually you have to move on from the start to keep going...I havent gotten past the start...give me determination and will and strenght and patience and hope...help me to see victories and hold on to them to keep me going...help me to really do this...really really do this...cause I truly do not know how...and I truly can not do it without you...Father I need you so much...I know I keep telling you that...I am holding to that...and to the knowing that you want me to need you because your strength is make perfect then...help me to let go...help me to LET GO...

Well here I am again...in this choose life or die spiritually place...I am gaining strength in the choosing life area...I spent some time talking to my Neesie yesterday and last night...and today Jen has really encouraged me too...so maybe I am headed back in the right direction...there are some incredibly hard things ahead of me...somethings I really dont want to face and fight...but I have to in order to keep living spiritually...I mean I can choose to stay here and merely exist, run away completely and die...or I can choose to take another step closer to God and to what He has created me to be...to have more freedom to LIVE...I do want that freedom...more freedom...and I know now that there is more freedom avaliable...and there are many areas in which I need freedom...and there is much work and fighting to be done...so to all who read this and are prayer warriors...now is the time to pray...pray for humbleness, strength, determination, strength, oh and did I say strength...I need God's strength...and pray that I will just let go...let go of control...pray...please pray...maybe I am on the road again...at least I hope...here's to another battle, another year, another chance, to LIFE, to FREEDOM, to VICTORY, to HOPE, to staying in God's will, to choosing to fight the good fight...I love you Father, be with me and be all these things to me...In JESUS name...Amen!

"By perseverance the snail reached the ark"

Don't ya think the snail had a slow go of it...and that there were times when he wanted to stop and rest...and there were times when he wanted to give up...and there were times when it seemed much more appealing to be something else besides the snail...boy can I relate to the snail...but he persevered...and so shall I...Father help me...that seems to be my usual plea lately...but I trust you and I love you...short update today but I gotta go!

A new day dawns...isnt it funny how that always happens...without fail the sun rises again and a new day is born...I am thankful for new days...what makes those new days so wonderful is the prospect of new things and new starts...I love New Years because it brings with it a new start...well we have that everyday...the bible says His mercies are new each day...I am thankful that today I realize I do not have to wait for a New Year to start fresh...I can start frest everyday...I know I mess up alot...alot alot...I fail all the time, I fall all the time...but everyday I can pick myself up and start again...because of His forgiveness...and I dont ask for His forgiveness often enough...its called pride...its a doozy...so today Father I ask you to forgive me...forgive me for trying to do it all on my own, forgive me for ignoring you, forgive me for allowing my flesh to win out over your Spirit in me, forgive me for my selfishness, forgive me for my stubborness, forgive me for my laziness, I am nothing without You and without Your forgiveness, strength, love, grace, and mercy. I need you in every part of my life, I need you every minute of my day, I need you in every decision I make, and I refuse you in alot of those. Forgive me and help my unbelief, help my stubbornness, help me to let go and let You. That is so very very hard for me. But I want it, I cant say that I want it with my whole heart yet, cause in my stomach there is a scared, timid, I cant sort of feeling...but I know that is also something you can help me with. I just need you my Father...I need you so much...and I love you with all you have given me to love with...you are my All in All. Help me to see clearly Your will in all the decisions I need to make, and help me to see clearly the goals you have for me for this coming New Year. Thank you Father for your faithfulness you never fail us, not ever!!
Psalm 7:8,9,10 "Judge me, O Lord, according to my righteousness, according to my integrity, O Most High. O righteous God, who searches minds and hearts...My shield is God Most High, who saves the upright in heart. God is a righteous judge,..."

Happy Friday!!
Thank you Jesus that it is finally Friday and I can sleep in tomorrow...I am pooped...there is so much going on in me...so much to change, to see, to learn, but in the middle of a conversation today I realized some really big things...dont you love when that happens you are talking and you say something and its like wow...I just realized that and it came out my mouth before I even knew that I knew it...lol...anyway...I realized God has begun placing in me a desire to step out on my own...like when one leaves home to go AWAY to college...I have never had that opportunity...to leave home and move away from all the places and people that always surround me...but I have begun to think about it...where as before the thought alone terrified me...I have never been secure enough in myself to do anything like that...not even to meet new people or talk to just anyone...for example in school(elementary, middle, high, college) I wasnt confident in anything about me, not in who I was, what I knew, what I wore, the way I looked, anything therefore I stayed in a shell of "security"...I made my own security...but it wasnt the right kind of security...I realized today where that comes from...it was because I never had any security as a child unless I made it...things were always chaos, always changing, always unsafe, always unpeaceful...there was no saftey, security, or peace in my life...I never went to camp, away field trips, I didnt go off to college...the thought of that alone terrified me...I never could just talk to just anybody, or get to know them, or make friends with them...and now I can and now I am feeling drawn to the prospect of...going off to life...I actually want an opportunity to do that to know I can stand on my own away from all the people and places I have always known and been...I think that God has begun this work because my future is near...and I dont exactly know how the opportunity is going to present itself or what the opportunity will be...but I think there will be one...I think it will terrify me at first but I want to do it...I'll have to fight and push through some insecurities and some fears...but I want to...and I think it will be amazing and challenging and wonderful...it's exciting to think that maybe this desire is one step closer to my future...it makes my heart race and my chest tighten...but it is also exhilariting to entertain the thought...wow...anyway...there is just so much going on in me...struggles, fears, failures, accomplishments...like something else I realized in a conversation I had yesterday...I managed to clearly hear no in a particular direction the relationship with a guy friend was going…I have been able to stand in that no with truth and integrity…and the guy respected my choice and we remain friends…that was a first for me almost in every way…a first to listen for the no, to hear the no, to choose the no, to stand in the no with truth, and for a guy to respect it…the last part could probably be the biggest shocker of all…no guy has ever respected a decision like that especially not being able to understand it fully…which many times made it harder to stand in the no…because he is a really great guy and proved it…lol…but I know the choice I made was right…and lots of people have challenged me on it because he’s a great guy and they want to see me date and have fun…but I’m not just wanting to date to be dating or having fun…I don’t want to play with my heart or any body else’s…I want a family and a future not instant gratification...and that too is growth for me though I feel like I have stood there for a little while...so I have failed at alot and yet accomplished alot...and through it all God is still loving me, forgiving me, showing me, carrying me, challenging me, correcting me, growing me, changing me, preparing me, creating me into beauty and what I am meant to be...it is not easy...in fact I cant remember things being easy for years now...but it is worth it and I would not go back and change any of it for anything and I would not walk away from it for anything...that is why I stood my ground with the guy...because in essence I would be walking away from where I have worked so hard to get...and yeah it would be fun and sweet and great and wonderful for a little while...then I would have to break a heart get a broken heart...fight through all that...then begin rebuilding all the things I have worked so hard on already...it like building a mansion that is just exactly right...burning it down and starting over again and again and again...why...why put me through that and why drag someone else's heart through the muck doing it...when its wrong its wrong no matter how respectful, sweet, generous, cute, great, wonderful the guy is...all I can say is I see I have come so far and overcome so much to get to this point...it has been so hard and many times I didnt think I could make it...but I did...and I dont want to go back to take it forgranted or lose it or turn my back on what I have done...or especially the God, the Father, the Healer, that brought me here...that rescued me, that died for me, that fought with me through all of this...I never want to turn my back on Him...I never want to be without Him...I dont think I could survive...I dont think I could breathe...God is amazing, and "still more awesome than I know"...and if you do not have a relationship with the living God...then let me tell you...you are missing out on the greatest love of your life, the greatest journey of your life...the greatest peace you'll ever experience...the greatest joy you'll ever experience...I mean you havent experienced joy or love or peace at all if you dont know Jesus as your Savior...and if you think you have then imagine how much more so you can when it comes from your Creator...when it comes from a God that thought of you and loved you before he even created the earth...when it comes from a God that gave is only Sons life for you...Jesus died on the cross so that you would be able to know God...so that you would be able to experience His love, peace, and joy...so that you can have everlasting life...a life that is more wonderful that anything you can dream of...its as easy as asking Jesus to be the Lord of your life...asking Jesus to live in your heart, admitting you are a sinner(we all are...every single person on earth), asking Jesus to forgive you of your sins, and believing He died for you...that all...all you have to do is believe and ask...and I promise the minute you do that whole heartedly you will immediately be flooded with peace and love and freedom like you have never experienced before!!! Just do it!!!!

Well Thanksgiving is over...this year was good...not great like last year but good...my mom and I hung out Wednesday evening and put up my new prelit Christmas tree...it looks great...and it has become Tater's new toy...oh joy...lol...then on Thanksgiving Day we went to my oldest brother's(William) in Leeds...we went expecting the worst...but it was really nice...all the drinkers showed up shortly before we left so it was really okay...mom and I played with Jacob and had a good time...and we ate and left basically...for my family that's really the best you can hope for...there was no talk of what we are thankful for or really no talk at all...which I find so extremely sad...I would love to sit down with my family and have things in common...and have positive things to talk about...but that is not the case...I am just thankful to have had an uneventful day...my brother Glenn was missing and we missed him...he was unable to make it becuase he is in jail right now...then mom and I went home she to her house me to mine...then on I went to visit with more family...went to Wiggins' and ate left over's and visited a bit...watched some TV and then back home for bed...Friday was nice...I slept in and left about 1:30 to go hang out with mom and Jacob...we had fun playing...I left late that evening and went back home...I spent the rest of the evening reading by the Christmas tree...a book I have had for who knows how long that I had never read...very unusual for me...then Saturday I slept in and then was able to just relax most of the day and read...it was nice...then I went to Wiggins and we decorate the Christmas tree and listened to hilarious Christmas music...and then we had egg nog and toasted to our family...tradition...I love tradition...and Neesie and Dad bought me ornaments for the three years I have been in the family and that was so awesome and sweet and I loved the ornaments...one of them said LOVE on it and that is what Neesie calls me it is my nickname...it was great...then we watched movies allllll night...and for me it literally was all night...and we decided that Neesie no longer is allowed to pick out movies...lol...good family times...but we watched Stealth and it was awesome...but no good Christmas movies...sniff sniff...but it's ok there is still time to watch some good ones...ok so let me just say that the following two movies are terrible...Millions and The 12 Dogs of Christmas...yeah I had never heard of them either...there's a reason for that...lol...sorry Neesie your movie picking priveledges have been permantely revoked...lol...Sunday was good...play practice went better I only chopped up one song bad...and even it was a little better...I am so nervous about the play I can't wait for it to be over...I know the kids are going to do great it is me I am worried about...uuuuggghhhh...tightness in the stomach...lol...Sunday afternoon I walked on the treadmill about 10 mins...but hey that's better than nothing...ate yummy smoked turkey and leftovers...then napped while everyone watched Bewitched...which is a great movie and I love it...then back to play practice...which went good and was over in time for me to slip into the sanctuary for the ending of the GAS night youth service...I was able to worship and then pray over someone very precious...it was great...then on to home where I finished my book and crashed...to wake up to crazy Tater biting my face this morning...he drove me crazy...bless his sweet little heart...I sure do love my kitty...this week is going to be crazy busy...working on decorations for the play...and Tuesday night is prayer night...yes!!!...I can not wait...and Saturday is dress rehearsal...and a Christmas party...and Sunday is the play...and I know the kids are going to do fabulous!!!...well that has been my holiday in detail...ha ha...looking forward to getting my Christmas shopping done so I can breathe easy...well off I go back to work...Happy Holidays everyone...hope your Thanksgiving was wonderful and reminded you of all you have to be Thankful for...I am Thankful for new life and that Jesus is my new life!!! Keep up the good fight...it is worth it!!! I love you all so very much!!

So I feel stronger today than I have in a long time...it's because I have spent three nights deep in God's Word and in prayer for myself and others...it is so amazing what diving in can do...I have felt so weak, so lost, so tired, so aimless, lately...I hate it so much...I miss so much the place I was in with God...my rug was ripped out from under me or more likely I stepped off the edge of it...and I plumetted way way down...not a fun place to be...but last night while journaling and seeking I was refilled with His strength and some determination...I am thankful...very thankful...I need Him so much...so much...I just kept/keep seeking...kept/keep fighting...its all I know to do...I kept/keep repeating the things I know to be true no matter if I believed them at the time...it's all I could do...I knew I didnt want to stay where I was...I clawed my way back up...or rather I am clawing my way back up...Father help me...when I get tired lift me up...when I am weak make me strong...when I am disobediant, correct me...when I am lost in the dark, light my path and give me clarity...I love you with all my heart...and I do not want to live even one day without you...help me find my way back completely! Oh and War Eagle!!!

Hi from me today!

Wow it has been a while since I have posted...I really was in a place where I had no idea what to say...and actually I didnt feel much like writing...which is really odd for me cause I love to write...anyway...things have been different lately...I have definately been struggling...I am still struggling...but God is here with me...ALWAYS...and that is so comforting to me...I need Him so much...and He never lets me down...I have taken a break from teaching on Wednesday nights...there is just so much I am struggling with right now and with play practice and no Sunday night services in December...Wednesday nights will be the only nights I'll get a service...and my heart has so not been there on Wednesday nights for a while...and I know those girls deserve more than what I was giving...in fact I dont think I had given much for a while...more that I was taking with the girls...anyway...but we havent had a service since I came out of Stars...so I have high hopes for this Wednesday...it did feel good to not have that commitment last Wednesday...I was thankful...anyway I have also started Physical Therapy for my neck, back, and hips...I have high hopes for this as well...I really need this to be a permanent fix to my problems...today however I have taken none of the meds(muscle relaxers or pain) I really do not like being dependant on meds like that...not at all...so far today I am okay...there is pain but it is not unbearable...so I am just going to not take the meds...work is the same...still trucking along in invoicing and I have actually had more time for MIS lately so that has been good...I enjoy MIS alot sometimes...but in any case I am here biding my time before I move on to Ministry...but I am doing well here...much better actually...I am getting things done and that is good...I am working hard...well anyway I just wanted to post a quick update...God is good...All the time...All the time...God is good!!!!

Here are pics of me and Tater my kitty!!!

Today I am hanging by a rope instead of just a thread! But I know even that could change in a breath depending on me. I am in a rather large struggle. Please pray that God would give me STRENGTH and WISDOM and that I would accept both and take advantage of them. Pray that I will stay honest and open and allow myself to be held accountable. Pray. Pray. Pray. Thanks!

Wahoo...just got back from walking with the ladies at lunch...we walked hard and I feel great...I am ready to do it again tomorrow...lets go...I want to be in shape and loose weight...I really feel great...I have lots of energy right now...well still reading in Job...I am loving it...it is good to know that he is so brutally honest with God...it is REFRESHING to me...and I'm loving that his friends are there and they are not allowing him to slip too far into self pity...they are fussing back and forth but they are there for him and trying to turn his eyes back to God...we'll see how it all turns out though...I know I have read this book before but I dont really remember it so its like all new to me...I like it...I like it alot...I like knowing there is someone who will show me the ugly when I cant see it and show me when I am wrong or going in the wrong direction...I always pray that I will be receptive to that...well anyway...I had better put all this energy to good use and get some work knocked out...lata!!

Being Stirred
God's Word stirs me...I've just fininshed reading Esther and started reading Job...and today I realized how much God's Word stirs me...makes me think and look at myself to see if I am in check with the things I need to be doing and correcting...both Esther and Job are pretty amazing examples to us...Esther risked her on life to save her people...little did she know the plan God had in store for her...through reading Esther I noticed all the things God put in place to save his people...not all easy things for Esther either...but necessary to get her to the place God needed her to save the people...it is just incredible to see...I see God's hand in my own life like that as well...not that I'll be queen and save an entire people..but God has had a hand in my whole life to bring me to where I am today and were I will be in the future...it is amazing...and Job...wow...I would only hope to be able to stand and worship and praise God like he does as things are taken away from him...he simply trusts not matter what...I have huge doubts in myself there...I mean if my entire family and fortune were taken away from me in one day...would I immediately turn and praise God...I pray I would...Job was incredibly faithful...incredibly sold out...incredibly willing to give it all back to God...sometimes I am not even willing to give God my day...I have only begun reading Job today...I have read it before but this time it I am looking within me to see if I have those same qualities...Christlike qualities...Christ was faithful even to death...would I be that faithful...I pray so...but again have some major doubts...not that I am asking to be tested at all...lol...just looking within to see how strong my faith is and allowing Job to encourage me there and learning from him...I love God's word...it stirs me!! Hope you'll let it stir you today!!!

Hola...ok well I went back on what I said...I got another cat...so far it has already been much better than the last time...my new kitty is a boy...he has a bobbed tail...he is orange...and his name is Tater...he is the sweetest and funniest kitty ever...I love him...I have had him since Tuesday afternoon...so already I've had him longer than the last one by a couple hours...ha...well this week has been good...I have been reading in the book of Esther...there are several things that stood out to me...first was that Esther was willing to give up her life for her people...the second was that the King couldnt sleep so he had the journals read to him...that was so totally God that he couldnt sleep and because of that he found out about Mordecai...and it was interesting that Haman did not get away with the evil he was planning...but it was turned back on him...and it was so God that turned it back...it was just cool to read the story and see how God was looking out and putting little things in place just in time to stop the evil from happening...so cool...you just never know when those little things are things that God has put there to keep you safe and protect you...wow...what a cool story...of God's faithfullness to us...and an encouraging story of how we can be used...like Mordecai told Esther in chapter 4 the end of verse 14 from the Message Bible..."Who knows? Maybe you were made queen for such a time as this." Who knows maybe we are where we are for such a time as this...wow...it would do me good at work to keep that in mind...really good...wow...what a revelation all of a sudden...thanks you Father...wow...you know God is so good...and my most favorite thing is to be used by Him...well bon voyage for now...got a wonderful weekend planned...Jen and Jason are coming over tonight...Mom is coming over tomorrow morning with Jacob my little fatboy...and Saturday night I'm headed to hang with my other family and Sunday is pastor appreciation YES...and Sunday night we are going to the movies as a family...I hope we get to see Flightplan...have a good one...lata gata!!!

Hi...Happy Tuesday...guess I'd better catch up on the weekend...I worked until 7:00pm Friday night...it was the last shipping day of the month and trucks were late...but I didnt have anything to do since Jen had company coming over so it didn't bother me at all to have to work that late...and Saturday I finally got to clean my apartment...wow...I am ever so thankful...I even reorganized my kitchen cabinets...aaahhhhhh....I feel soooo much better...my house is spotless...well except my guest bedroom...it needs some work...and I am quickly getting behind on laundry...but my house is clean...its clean its clean its clean...phew...it makes me wanna bake...how crazy is that...lol...I walked into my clean kitchen the other night and though...oh I really want to bake something...lol...ha...anyway then Saturday night Neesie and I played bejeweled forever...it was so much fun...Sunday we started the Christmas play in children's church and then went to Guntersville for a kids crusade...I could only go Sunday night because of work...but that's okay...I made my peace with it...surprisingly...it was difficult but I knew that God worked it out that way for a reason...because last night was the Women's Meeting and Miss Darlene asked me to share my testimony...I did and it went well I think...all I know is that I would share it again and again if it touches and changes lives...it was hard because that was the first time I had shared it in front of a big group like that(30)...but I am glad I did it and I would do it again in a heart beat...I mean really if what I went through can help give someone else hope and faith and help them to better understand how much God loves us...then I'll tell it everyday...it makes every single thing I went through worth it...every part of it...I do not regret anything...I would not change anything...I am only thankful God uses me and my life to touch others in such a way...I am so thankful to all of those who were able to be there last night...I was so affraid that I would have no safe friends there...and those that came touched my heart so very much I dont even have words to express...I needed that support and really I cant even express how much it meant...anyway...then we got to decorate cakes...that was so fun...and I loved watching everyone work and decorate their cake...Darlene really out did herself...it was alot of fun...you know I just have to say how incredible God is...I was really blessed by sharing my testimony last night...I know that He was in control and that He brought out the things that needed to be said...I couldnt even begin to tell all that He has done for me....it would take months years maybe...He has done so much...I could ask for none better than Him!!!

It has been a tumultuous week...kind of like a roller coaster for me...but the most awesome thing about it is that God taught me things through it and He never left my side...and I never left His...I am thankful that the week is coming to an end and hopeful that my plans for tonight and tomorrow will not get messed up...I just have to share the things that God is to me...the things He has been for me this week...My Father when I needed warms arms around me...My Comforter when I cried...My Peace when I was anxious...My Rock when all else around me seemed to be falling down...My Joy in the middle of my circumstances...Faithful when I was short of faithful to Him...My Best Friend when I cried out to Him He listened and He heard...My Victory over the battles I fought...My All in All...and that is the kind of Father/God He desires to always be to each of us...it is just a matter of us allowing Him to be those things...and that is probably the biggest miracle of all...I allowed Him to be those things...those places were the first places I turned...His Word, prayer, and I simply listened...I cried out to him even with the smallest of requests...and He answered...with stickers none the less...you see one day I just asked for a good day for joy...and all day He provided little blessings...all day...and shimmer stickers was one of the blessings...He's cool like that...anyway I just wanted to share that...You know God has done so much work in me...so much...I am to tell my testimony at our women's meeting Monday night...and for me to even attempt to tell them all that God has done for me it would take days...and I would still be leaving things out...I can not even begin to go there...He is just that awesome...and I am so thankful that He is working in me and changing me and teaching me and loving me and that He chose me...He chose you too...will you allow Him to do in you what He desires to...will you allow Him to bless you as he desires too...will you allow Him to use you as He desires to...the only thing you have to do is allow Him to do it...the places He has called me I know I can not do on my own...I know I am not equipt to do...but He is...He is the Lord of Lords...and all I have to do is simply allow Him to do...will you do the same????

Whoa the things that are going through me right now...a multitude of things...most I cant and wont put words to...so moving on...one of the things I have heard from God this week has to do with music...well namely one of my favorite country bands...Rascal Flatts...Jen let me borrow her new CD...oh my goodness...I love it...I love their music the way they sound everything...but here's the kicker...I listened to it all day Monday...and by the time I got home I was super bummed...and I was thinking...when am I going to fall in love and get married...blah blah blah...the thing is...it took my mind off God and put me in a mode where it was hard to focus on God and wait patiently for the things He has promised me...I dont need to be sitting around thinking oh poor pitiful me that hasnt happened to me yet or anything like that...God has spoken to me about music before...my Kelly Clarkson CD...love her...love her voice...love her music...but...it gives a different view of love than God wants me to have...so I dont listen to that one either...God hasnt said to me dont listen to secular music yet...but there are certain things he speaks to me about individual songs or groups and such...which could be His way of slowly weeding it all out...so anyway in my conversation with God Monday night during my journaling/devotion time...we got me back on track again...so that was a good thing...a really good thing...lol...because I DO want to wait patiently for the things God has for me and not jump the gun for the things I want...what I want is not good enough...God knows whats best...well anyway...I so feel like for the past couple of days I havent been explaining things well...like my words are not coming out right...I hope that is not the case here...I am so frustrated right now though...blah...anyway...God is teaching me so much...I just wish I could get a handle on it all...it seems a bit overwhelming at this moment...but I know this moment will pass...so I'm pressing on...so I'm going to go and keep pressing on...lata!

Fall Fever!!!!

Happy Fall Yall!!!!

I can not wait for the weather to change and cool off...and the leaves to changes colors...what photo opportunities...lol...and with my new borrowed toy...a SLR 35mm camera...and the dreams of a brand new one soon...I can't wait...I love warm clothes...scarves...gloves...jackets...coats...sweaters...love the crisp air...love it all...I'm tellin ya Fall Fever has officially set in...ok moving on from that...real quick cause I have a deadline to meet...this week has been pretty good so far...the weekend was great...JBQ was awesome...it was the best day...and I coached the achiever team and had the best time...I loved that time encouraging the kids...loved it...it was a great day...Sunday was great too...we sang and sang...cause this weekend we start the Christmas play...and I cant wait to see what it is this year...and I am only doing a short BGMC Service...and then we are starting the play...I had some really good devotion time last night...God spoke to me out of Psalms...and it was just what I am doing...so God was just encouraging me to keep it up...it was great...I havent been sleeping too great so pray for me there...well I gotta go...gotta get these invoices out by 11:00am...lata!

I am so glad today is Friday...another busy but wonderful weekend ahead...tonight going to my brother's football game...tomorrow our first Junior Bible Quiz match...wahoo I am so excited...then to my familys to chill...and Sunday off to church I go...and for lunch we are having roast...by request of me...yum...I am excited...I so can not wait for the weather to cool down...man I have fall fever like no body's business...I cant wait to start wearing warmer clothes...especially since I am gaining tons of weight again...blah...oh yeah Heather just sent me pics from Kentucky...wahoo...here they are...have a great weekend...I love Jesus...

This is our crew as the Incredibles...Scotty is the dad...Haley is the daughter...Marcie is the mom...I am the fast little boy...and Katie is the baby...and Jason and PT just think they are strong but I think Kelsie and Kayla can take 'em!!!
This is the kids choir the last night...look at all the kids...wahoo...it was a great year!!!

Wow last night was awesome...about a dozen teenagers asked Jesus into their heart...how awesome it that...and it was so awesome to see their friends stand behind them and encourage them...wow...I just want to cry...it was incredible...I went down to the front to pray...not because I knew anyone but because I was so happy and excited and I wanted to support their courage...man...how awesome...and I loved the praise and worship...loved it loved it loved it...and after church I went and hung out with my family...and for the first time in FOREVER...we all just hung out and chatted...all of us...Neesie, Dad, Me, Jared and Daniel...it was an awesome family moment...and we got a picutre of us lounging on the couch for our scrapbook...wahoo...tonight is my clean the house night...and I am actually excited...I am so ready to get my house clean again...and I want to pull out any Fall stuff I have like my door hanger...cause guess what...TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF AUTUMN...and we all know what that means...I LOVE FALL...lol...love it love it love it...I am really going to have to make more time at home to keep myhouse clean and enjoy it...yep yep...work is going good today...getting stuff done and that is always nice...I cannot wait till it cools down outside so I can go out at lunch and enjoy the FALL weather...man I can not wait...DID I MENTION I LOVE AUTUMN...lol...okay okay...I'll stop that now...anyway...tomorrow night is another Chelsea football game...I want Daniel to get to play...I like football...and I love being there to support my brother...and Saturday is Bible Quiz...I am so excited about Bible Quiz...I can not wait for Saturday...yehaw...I cant wait cant wait cant wait...well I had better get back to work...I am leaving you with a great picture of Danielle and Me taken last Saturday night at the Columbiana Youth Rally...I love black and white pictures!!!

I learned something about myself just today...in the middle of a conversation with Neesie...my eyes were opened to an insecurity I have...I didn't realize I had it until it came out of my mouth in that conversation...dont you love when that happens...well it kinds freaks me out...its like I say something and then I'm like wow...yeah that is it...and until I said it I had no idea...so that was pretty awesome...maybe now I can work on that insecurity and not be insecure there...we shall see...lots to work on these days...I keep myself busy like that...ha...well God and me...He is so faithful and allows me to see things just as I need to...He is such a great Father...wow...ok so today has been pretty good...getting my stuff done...and that feels great...and tonight is church...but before I am having dinner with Becky and Adam...which I am super excited about because today is her birthday and I have been really needing and wanting to spend some time with her...but I am not very good at managing my time...in fact I stink at it pretty badly...one of the things I am working on...lots to work on...but hey I am never bored...lol...well I guess I dont have much more to say...See ya on the flip side...uumm...meaning...lata!!

Good afternoon...well today is considerably better workwise than yesterday...I have managed to get my mind off having to have a reason for being here...I am simply here because that is where God has me at the moment...who am I to complain...is there not worse places I could be...uummm...yeah...not to mention...they are pretty good to me here...aside from the occasional bad day or someone being ugly or the fact that it is not ministry...this is a great job...and my bosses are wonderful...why am I complaing...really the only reason I was complaining is because it is not ministry...otherwise I dont have a problem being here...lol...anyway I am better today...even jovial...ha...do you like my word...I have been able to stand in faith so strong last night and today...and the situation that came about is a rough one...but I have so much faith and peace and calmness...it is still odd to me the calmness that comes upon me in times of crisis...but it is God and it is great when He floods me with that peace...and I am thankful for it and the faith that I have...I know God is going to reveal Himself in this situation...I know it without doubt...and I hope it all comes about quickly...I am look forward to watching Him work in lives...He really is an incredible God...He really is more than the human mind can fathom...His goodness towards us makes absolutely no sense to us...but the beauty of it is that it doesnt have to make sense...it just is...and the fact that we do not understand it doesnt change the fact that it there abundantly...that is pretty cool...cause if the world stopped because I didnt understand it then hey...this would be one still earth...lol...there are so many things that I do not understand...but I know that I do not have to understand them in order to have the faith that God has given me...otherwise I wouldnt have that faith right now...I know I know...I am not making much sense...these are just things that I am realizing as I am typing...anyway...I am thankful that the day has improved over yesterday...last night I even got out and walked about 8 laps on the track...and I am going to do that again tonight...I am gradually moving back up in to my bigger clothes...uuuggghhh...so not fun...so I am definately wanting to walk again as much as I can force myself to...I just want to not have a weight problem...but since that is not the case...I need to really be motivate to work hard on it...I need to really stay on top of the whole exercise thing...I havent gotten there yet...but maybe I will...well I had better go and run downstairs to get tickets...let my afternoon begin...bye for now!

Hi...back at work again today...oh the joys...right?...NO...I am so struggling here...but it is always like that when I come back off a ministry trip...I dont see the importance of patio furniture in the grand scheme of things...I see the importance of people...but I dont get much time with the people...I have to stay busy busy...but you know I need to stop belly aching and just be content...I am fine doing the work today...but I am not content...thats alright though...well the weekend was good...Homecoming gameas fun Friday night...Chelsea won...yeah for them...then Neesie and I layed on my bed and watched a movie on the laptop...it was fun...Saturday we had breakfast and I mowed with Dad...let me just tell you...I had the best time mowing...I really do love to mow...it was fun...then we had an awesome lunch that Neesie made...it was yummy...then Neesie and I started playing dominoes then I had to get ready for the Youth Rally...the rally was good...no many came...but it was still good...then Danielle and I went and got some Taco Bell and went back to the apt and ate the I took her home...it was great to get to spend some time with her...I have seen her since before I left for KY...it was really awesome...then I went home to start breakfast casseroles for Sunday morning...Sunday was really good...I made a Maple Pancake Bake for Sunday school...children's church was good...I was stretched again...I had to talk to a puppet...I am not great at it but I did okay...at least I remember to look at the puppet this time instead of the puppeteer..lol...so that was a stretch...we did the new gorilla song we learned in KY and JR KOR kids came in for the first part of the service...I think they had a great time...after church Neesie and I worked on our scrap book after lunch which is looking great if I do say so myself...then on to drama practice...that went really well...Marcie had to come in a get us when service started cause we were still practicing...it was GAS night...which means the youth do service...it was great...really great...I love to hear the youth praise team they are awesome...I love to hear Carrie and Boo sing and loved that at the end Kara and Katie sang and led worship...they both love to sing so much and sing wonderfully...it was awesome...and I love to hear Boo preach...he is awesome and is anointed...and fun...I really look forward to GAS nights...after church I went and hung out with the Jones'...we watched this really cool hunting talk show...I liked it...but I am such a girl...everytime someone would shoot something I'd go awww...duh...that is what hunting is about Tabbie...but still it is hard to see something get shot and not react...God made women like that...I shall not deny my girly side...lol...it made me a little sad...though I am not against hunting...I like to eat deer meat(now that I am used to it)...anyway then I showed Haley and PT Katie Harris' Xanga site and showed them how to get on it...that was fun...and PT and I decided to do a JBQ Xanga site...I created it eariler...I am super excited about it...and this weekend is our first JBQ match...I am so excited...I cant wait...I love bible quiz...both JR and SR...I love it...and this weekend I am going to get a picture of our bible quiz teams for the Xanga site...wahoo...I really am excited about that...lol...well that is an update on my weekend...today has been good...I am just struggling with a few things...mainly work...but it is nothing major...I know it will pass...but let me just say I cant wait for the day I get to quit my secular job and focus on family and ministry...I cant wait...I lived my dream last week...and I didnt want to come back from it...every kids crusade is like that...especially the ones where I dont have to work during the day...lol...that is what make Kentucky so great for me...I get time off of work so I can focuse my mind totally on ministry and the people around me...it is wonderful...ok Jen is gone to visit her parents this week...I'll miss her and IMing her...it is sad not seeing that little thing flash at the bottom...I hope she is having a great time though...and Memphis...I have never been there but i like Tennessee...I want to go to Gatlinburg this fall...even only to drive up to see the beauty and drive back home...I need to find me someone who is game to do that...hint hint Becky...my only friend that doesnt think that is stupid and will spend a whole day with me in a car...speaking of this week is Becky's birthday...she is getting old...lol...not...I cant wait to go get her something...I love birthdays...it is a great time to say...I love you and am thankful for you...I really dont spend as much time as I should with her...so I am slightly clueless as to what to get her for her birthday...what she needs, wants, likes, etc...makes me disappointed in myself for not spending more time with her...so Becky if you read this...I love you and I am sorry I dont come see you more...bad me...I hope that I can come up with something you will love for your birthday though...I want you to know I love you and appreciate you...okay well...that is all for now...until next time...I love you all so very very much...I'll be here seeking God and His will and His wisdom...God is Good all the time...all the time God is Good!!!

Not a single comment while I was gone...makes me sad...quick update...Kentucky was awesome...I was not ready to come back...to business and work...seriously it was perfect...we slept in and relaxed all day...worked hard from 5-9...came home ate and visited...then to bed...it was just amazing...I loved it...I was stretched during services...danced in the gorillas and a character...but I didnt fret too much and just did it...it was great...the responses were great...it was just incredible...I am so thankful I got to go again this year...I look forward to next year...and hope I get to go then too...anyway that is my update...lata!

Ok my friends...the week is coming to an end...my attitude is slightly better...I have been able to get done the things that were detremental for my leaving tomorrow morning for Kentucky...I managed to get my attitude under control this morning when a co-worker smarted off about the amount of time I take off...I said nothing and walked out...I wanted to tell her that though it was none of her business...I have been here five years and get 3 weeks vacation...I used 5 days for camp...4 days for cruise...and am using 4 days for Kentucky...not to mention the extended hours I have been working since getting back from camp in June or the fact that I'll be working some while in Kentucky...I managed thus far to say none of those things...but to relenquish my attitute toward her and my small fear that she is going to ruffle feathers over it, to God...I know that it is because of Him that I am able and allowed to do all the wonderful things I get to do...and if it is His will that I am able to continue to do these things then there is nothing that the little busybody here can say to change that...this coworker has always driven me crazy...but I asked God today to help me to see her as He sees her...and it helped some...I still need to work on that and I asked for grace for her and it helped too...I still need to work there as well...but I am trying and seeing these things as they happen now where as before I never saw them until much later after I had alread sinned greatly toward the other person...so I have grown...but I want to grow more...so today is better than the others...I came in task oriented and did not even turn my computer on until I absolutely had to...and I got things done...hhhmmm...I need to remember that...I did manage to get packed last night...and the guys in my life would be extremely proud of me...I pack for a week in ONE suitcase...and it is not even my biggest suitcase...so go me...now the challenge will be to get all my stuff back in that one suitcase at the end of the week...then and only then can I be considered a true "manly" packer...ha...so you guys if you read this...you need to brag appropriately...lol...so I got packed last night...then sat on my bed and worked on invoices and watched TV...that is the longest amount of time I have spent in front of the TV in a good long while...I watched two episodes of Scrubs...I usually dont watch that one but I knew Jay Leno and Conan would come on that channel later and I didnt want to have to get up and mess up all my work to change the channel...crazy I know...anyway...2 episodes of scrubs...part of an episode of ER(was on the phone through some of it)...then guess what...the news came on...so I HAD to get up and change the channel cause I hate watching the news...I read bits and pieces online but I cant sit and watch all that sad stuff and hear it over and over in the same hour...so I watched two episodes of Andy Griffith...man what a show...I really love it...you dont have to worry about hearing things you shouldn't be listening to or seeing things you shouldn't be watching...and it teaches good morals...by that time I was finally done with my invoices and extremely exhausted and sleepy so I cleaned it all up...and decided NOT to move on to my second stack of invoices...and went to bed...phew what and evening huh...I did however, like watching TV while I worked...matching invoices is not a job you have to think a whole lot about...so it made it pass quicker...it is very monotonous and boring but hey somebody's gotta do it...anyway that was my evening...I got up this morning and got ready for work...finished packing the things I couldnt pack last night and a few others I forgot...like my coloring book and crayons...that would have been terrible to forget those...phew...it was a close one...then I loaded down my car and headed to work...with a million and one things on my brain to get done...but here I sit at 11:41 with most all of it done...THANK YOU JESUS...YOU ARE THE MAN...now the biggest thing I need to get done is some serious praying...I have slacked on my devotion time the past couple days...got lost in the stress...and I wonder why I wasnt handling it very well...humans...you'd think we'd learn...but no we are idiots...well at least I am...but anyway...I need to find some time and get in my prayer journal and go to town on some things...I have read a couple chapters in Jeremiah today...the Word is so refreshing...even in Jeremiah...I just love God's Word...anyway so I am getting things done and the more I get done the better I feel...ok so Kentucky...we leave tomorrow morning at 7:00AM...yikes...can we say coffee please...lol...I am ready...ready to dive into ministry for 4 days...ready to work, play, hang out, eat, pray, worship, minister, pray, ready ready ready...I'll be doing a character...which is taking me OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE...but that is okay...I am ready...I am doing Kara's character and she does such a good job...I dont think I'll even come close to doing as good a job as she does...but at least I have something great to imitate!!!...that is very helpful for me...very...I hope it goes well...I cant wait to be there and see all the people and get started...ok well I had better get on to lunch...I may or may not update while in Kentucky...I dont want to spend alot of time one the computer while I am there...I want to enjoy the people I am with and nap time...lol...so I'll holla when I get back...pray for us...we want to see kids lives changed, healed, and we want them to know how much God loves them...love you guys...I will miss you all!!!!

Stress and Bad Days

ok so I have been having numerous bad days...uuuuugggghhhh...I hate it...and I know I could choose differently but its like I cant somehow...which is stupid because I have Christ living in me...there is nothing I cant do...work has been horrible...and so stressful...and I have been so incredibly busy after work too...it makes it hard to keep a good attitude...but I need to do better...and its like what I hate the most is my family...namely Neesie gets the brunt of it...its because I am comfortable with her being myself and letting my true self show...but I dont want to be ugly to her just because I am in a bad mood...cause that is when I am most choleric...most of the time I have good control over that...but let me get in a bad mood and especially one not under God...and whoa...that is what I was yesterday...bless her heart...she just wanted to make me feel better...but in a mood like I was in I dont tolerate that well...and bless her heart...I feel bad...so this is a public apology...I am sorry for my cruddy mood and that I allowed noone to be able to cheer me up...thanks for trying Neesie and Jen...I am sorry Neesie that my ugly choleric side came out and that you were affected by it...I am sorry God for the attitude of my heart...and the words that came out of my mouth...I am asking you all to forgive me...I could give excuse after excuse but the bottom line is I need to do better...I need to do alot better...I truly disagree right now with what my booklet said about me secretly enjoying being busy...maybe a little busy but not this busy I need down time...aaaahhhh...I have no idea how I am going to get all the things done I need to get done before we leave on Saturday...I know it will get done somehow but I dont know how I am going to keep my sanity through it...but I will do that too...okay so this post is crazy...I am trying really hard to be in a good mood and to be my normal self...but I am still struggling a bit with that...and that funny thing is...is that I know that I need to rise above all this...like it says in Jeremiah 12:5..."If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses?"...I sure am letting this world wear me out...and I dont like that at all...stress stinks...but its just stress...and on the whole what does it matter...my God loves me...He uses me to love others...and I am okay...and today I am going to try to keep that in my head...wish me luck..lol...I'll need it...Help me Father...I need you!!!

Joe Normal

26 % Nerd, 21% Geek, 26% Dork

For The Record:A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.

A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.

A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.

You scored less than half in all three, earning you the title of: Joe Normal. This is not to say that you don't have some Nerd, Geek or Dork inside of you--we all do, and you can see the percentages you have right above. This is just to say that none of those qualities stand out so much as to define you. Sure, you enjoy an episode of Star Trek now and again, and yeah, you kinda enjoyed a few classes back in the day. And, once in a while, you stumble while walking down the street even though there was nothing there to cause you to trip. But, for the most part, you look and act fairly typically, and aren't much of an outcast. I'd say there's a fair chance someone asked you to take this test. In any event, fairly normal. Congratulations! If you enjoyed this test, I would love the feedback!

Thanks Again! -- THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:


You scored higher than 7% on nerdiness


You scored higher than 20% on geekosity


You scored higher than 33% on dork points

I have no words really to describe what I feel today...I know God is near...I am thankful...had the best weekend ever...mom came by Friday night and I got to hang out with her and my nephew...wow he has gotten so big...he is just a big kid...he is two and bigger than any of the four and five year olds I know...wow...but he is funny...and it was so fun to hang with them for a little bit...then I hung out with Carrie and Boo the rest of the night...Saturday Nessie, Dad, Daniel and I went out in the boat and we had a good time...Daniel had a skiing accident that about freaked me out but I went directly into rescue mode so I didnt freak out...and he is alright...he has a gash on his head just above his righ eyebrow...but he is okay that God...then Dad and I went shopping for Neesie's birthday and had fun...it was great to have Daddy-Daughter time...I loved it...Sunday morning I did BGMC service and it went better than it has gone in a long time...and I know it was because of my attitude and my heart...it was great...then the kids that participated in Ten Dollar Sundays got to throw water balloons at PT, Marcie, and me...wahoo...that was a hoot...then we had Neesie's birthday lunch and it was awesome...Jared cooked the steaks perfectly...and we had cake and she opened our gifts...what fun...then I napped the rest of the afternoon...wahoo..it was great...then Neesie and I wrote the human video for drama practice that starts this Sunday...it is going to be a fun vidoe...then we watch a little TV and Daniel came in and then we went to bed...Monday we got up cleaned and got ready for company...the Jones', Arias', and Riggins' came over and we colored, ate, and played Shanghi...we played Shanghi for four hours...wow that is the longest game ever...and of course PT won...lol...it was alot of fun...we laughed alot...then Neesie, Daniel, and I sat around and talked for a bit then I went home...I had incredible bible study and prayer time last night...man...I read for a while...then I journeled...then I started praying and it was so awesome...I was praying very specific things for people...it was totally a God thing...I slept with the fan on and the windows open upstairs...it was great...I loved it...I am going to do that again tonight...work is going good today...I have been trying to catch up on my reading in Jeremiah while I work today as well...I have several chapters to go...after work I am going by moms to visit for a bit and then home to do laundry and start packing for Kentucky...how awesome...a four day work week and then I head off to Kentucky for a Kids Crusade and four days off work...I cant wait...Kentucky is going to be awesome I just know it...I thank you Jesus for what you are going to do there this year...well that is a pretty stinkin detailed summary of what my weekend was...lol...not that you asked...anyway I wish I could express what I feel today...I just know God is so near...and I am thankful...and I want Him to be near...I am peaceful, content, joyful, really words just aren't coming close to describing it...it is awesome...God is awesome...He is awesome even when I am going through hard times...I am thankful...He is growing me in so many ways...I am thankful...well I guess I had better end this novel and get on about my day here at work...I need to spin out a report and go to the post office before starting on invoices for the day...hope your day is going well...remember God is good...all the time...and all the time...God is good...I am in love with my God!!! Lata!

The nicest most wonderful Neighbor

Ok so I have the most wonderful neighbor in the world...look at the wonderful stoop art she left me this morning!!! How sweet is she...she is the nicest...always talks to me when we happen to see each other...honks and waves at me if she passes me in town...takes care of my rose bush and dries out my welcome mat after it rains...she has invited me over for spagetti but I couldnt go...when Katrina was here the other night and I had my door open she poked her head in and we chatted a bit...she is the coolest...always friendly...always ready to help...when I was leaving for camp she helped me carry my luggage out to the car...she really just blessed my day today with this aweseome message that I saw right as I walked out of my door...when we were outside chatting the other night in the storm she was telling me she had bought sidewalk chalk at a yard sale and was ready to use it...and I told her I couldnt wait to come home and see her artwork all over the sidewalk...and how sweet was her firt artwork!!! Anyway this was just too sweet this morning and I wanted to share!!! Oh and today is the first day of September and how wonderful did it feel outside this morning...gave me another onslought of Fall Fever!!!! I cant wait for FALL!!!!! Thank you Jesus for Fall...and for my great neighbor!!! I love you!!!