Thursday, February 16, 2006
Ok I know Valentine's Day is done and gone...and lots of people want to just forget about it...but not me...now did I have some wonderful guy shower me with love and gifts...YES...but not in the way you think!!!! I spent my Valentine's evening with the love of my life ~ Jesus Christ my Savior!! We had prayer at the church and I was there on my face before God...praising Him and crying out to Him...why is that so awesome you say???...Well first of all because God is awesome and that's enough...but secondly because I was excited about spending my Valentine's Day with God...finally I have gotten completely past the need to have a guy in my life...and God keeps showing me how good it is to be where I am...and it took me a really long time to get here...a couple years ago I would have been busted over not having a date on Valentine's day...no not a date but a relationship...but now I can say with complete certaintity that I do not need that to be happy or complete or okay with myself...that is a hard place to get for a girl like me...and let me tell you that road wasnt easy...but...IT WAS WORTH IT...and I would not trade it for anything in the world...the next Valentine's day I spend with a guy I want it to be in God's timing and I want him to be my husband to be or my husband already...and I am completely secure that that will take place one day when the timing is right and both myself and my future husband are ready to take that step...you know what...God is good...let me say it this way...God is enough...I need nothing or noone else...and He has shown me that in a real way lately...I want people in my life...but I do not HAVE TO HAVE people in my life...and I think I will always have people in my life...but the point is...is that God is sufficient to cover all my needs and wants...I need to worry about nothing else...nothing else at all...and I am sooooo very very relieved about that!! Well anyway...I also had wonderful surprises from the people in my life on Valentine's Day...some people at work gave me stuff and my brothers gave me a charm and huge card and Neesie gave me this leather magazine tub I have been wanting for FOREVER and a coloring book I cant wait to color in and my favorite gum and a sweet card and my Dad gave me my favorite flowers...Carnations...and a sweet card...it was nice...I am thankful for all the things I recieved physically and spiritually this Valentine's Day!! God is good...all the time...all the time...God is good!!
Thursday, February 09, 2006
It's me again...I know I could be getting good at this whole blog thing again huh...ha...last night's service was so incredible...I was so struggling...I am not exactly sure why...but I think I have it figured out...anyway...there was an altar call given in the middle of praise and worship...let me just say real quick I love how our church totally lets the Spirit lead and it's just fine to give an altar call in the middle of something if the Spirit moves...anyway so there was an altar call given for those who have parents who dont know the Lord...and let me tell you I am in youth on Wednesday nights...and I am 25...so I was not really keen on going on up to the altar in a youth service...call me proud or vain or whatever...but God toally catered to that want...I stood at my seat and just said God please see me standing here...I dont want to go up there but see me anyway...and up until that altar call I was just numb I wasnt feeling a thing...well at this point I am standing there crying and crying out to God to please see me...and He did...the next thing I know one of my friends was there praying for me and speaking into my life...that is the first time in a really really long time God used her to minister to me...and it was awesome...God spoke several things I needed to hear but didnt know I needed to hear...wow...I was weeping...it was great...I so needed that...and I wanted to continue to weep the whole rest of the service...and at the end of serice during that altar call and worship time one of the girls in the youth came up and hugged me...it was so wonderful words can not even express that she would come over to the other side of the room to reach out to me like that...and not forgetting another friend of mine that was standing right beside me all service that loved on me after I got prayed for in the beginning...this is a friend I have just started to embrace...she is definately a lover...and I think I actually like that about her...which is incredibly odd for me becuase I am not a toucher really...but she is alot like me and we like alot of the same things...well we are both very girly...I have such a girly side that I dont let out much...and alot of the times there is not someone there that is girly like me to share it with...so it will be nice to have that...I am looking forward to slowly seeing where this friendship will go...I am learning to not jump into friendships head first...becaue I hurt others that way and I get hurt as well...it is different taking things slow and getting to know someone like that...and its not even really in the physical realm but in my mind and heart that I have slowed things down...it is different...and I will admit that I am apprehensive...but we'll see where it goes...I do not know...and I do not want to plan it...lol...like I always do...anyway...I am just ever so thankful for the way God works...the way He knows me so much better than I know myself...and He knows exactly what I need before I ever even suspect...I am in awe...and last night too...I got to talk to my brother...and he was more open with me than he has been in a very long time...I just pray that I will know the correct place to stand with him...and the best way to love him and be an example to him and guide him...I am so thankful for my brothers...I have found a new awareness of the ways they bless my life lately...I have never had brother like this...that care about me and want to actually have a real relationship with me...it is very different but very wonderful too...I am loving it...God has given me back so much that I never got growing up...and you know I have only been a Daughter of the King for about 4 years...and He has done so much...I have fought really hard the battles He has placed before me and I am so glad I have been so willing to fight so hard...I hope I stay willing...anyway I realized again the other day how much he has given me through my second mom...alot of what I am able to give back to others I first got from her...she is the only one in my life that loves unconditionally...and I am so thankful...I have no idea how I could ever survive or live without her...she is amazing...and I do not give her the credit that I should...I do not give her the appreciation that I should...in fact most of the time my actions do not match my words at all...its like a trap I am in...and I know God is trying desperately to change that in me...if only I could grab a hold and get it...I hope that is one thing that will be done this year...and oh how I love music...mmmmm...okay well I must go and get this work day done...there is so much to do...until next time...God is AWESOME and He is all I will EVER need!! I love you my Father...I am so thankful for all that you do...I am sorry I do not show you more appreciation and love...I love you!!!
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Well last night was prayer...man do I love prayer...but I was definately struggling some last night to just get lost in His presence...I hate when I struggle there...I was definately feeling bad about the amount of time I have spent reading my bible and spending time with God...I have not done that much lately at all...here's the funny thing...I know how awesome it is do be in the Word and spend time in God's presence...why on earth do I not make time for it...uuggghhh...there is just simply no excuse for it at all...I need to be doing it EVERY DAY...and there was a time not too long ago when I was doing it every day...but I have not been doing it ever day...maybe a couple days a week...yuck...what is up with that...I know what I am missing...I know that I could have so much more peace, confidence, joy, so much more good stuff...I have got to make that a priority...just sit down and make the time to get lost in the Word and His presence...and all else will fall into place...man I love my God so much...but I sure do a poor job showing Him on a daily basis...I am ashamed of how I have neglected Him...ok so today I am resolving to do better starting today...I will find time to read my bible and sit and visit with my Father today...ok so I havent been posting here much...it's been busy and I havent had alot to say...that is weird for me...maybe I havent taken the time to just write...anyway...we now have a place at the river...which is so exciting...it is so beautiful there...and peaceful...we were there this past weekend for a women's meeting...and that was fun...I can not wait for it to get warm so we can hang there more and really enjoy it...I hope it will be safe to swim around the pier...that will be so fun...cause we have cool floats and stuff...dude I am going to be dark this summer...hee hee...I can not wait...anyway that will be super fun...well my computer is acting crazy so I had better go...lata gatas!! God is good all the time, all the time God is good!!!
Friday, February 03, 2006
TGIF...yes as usual I am so glad it is Friday...and this weekend is BGMC weekend and I have found so much information on the country we are learning about and I am excited...I am thankful too for that excitement... and I really want BGMC this year to be light and fun and wonderful and not stressful and something I fret about...Father I need you in that...I have given this to you...BGMC is nothing without you...oh I am so excited...ideas just keep coming in...cool...well lets see the coolest most wonderful thing that has happened lately is the changes in my relationship to my brother Jared and my brother Daniel...Jared and I have made it to a whole new level of acceptance in our relationship and I never thought it would be like this...I am excited...and I cant wait to see it grow...please Father dont let either of us takes steps backwards...and Daniel and I have come back around...not full circle by any means...but things are better between us than they have been in a little while...so for that I am thankful...and I am so blessed to have brothers like them...I have never had brothers like them before...now mind you I love my older brothers...love them so much...but we do not really have a relationship...we barely even know each other...and that is terribly sad to me...and I hope and pray that one day that will change too...well that is really all I have time for right now I need to get back to work...it is Friday and the sooner quiting time gets here the better!!