Saturday, August 27, 2011

Birthday...

And the day dawns BEAUTIFUL

And at first I can't understand why it's not cloudy, rainy, and gloomy...

So that my emotions my tears and the clouds in my heart and eyes blend into the background...


And then I remember...

A fact that I have hated since June 19th...


Life moves on.


Life moves on...

In spite of You being gone.

In spite of Our lives changing FOREVER.

In spite of The Heartache we ALL feel.


Life moves on...

The sun comes out to push away the moon as a new day dawns...

The days pass by over and over again...

The hurt remains...Missing You remains...but time passes...

Days turn to weeks & weeks to months...


Until...

It is Your birthday

And once again I just want time to stop for a moment...

Stop so that we can remember vividly...

Stop so that we can feel you close...

Stop so that no more time passes making it more and more real...

Stop so that maybe just maybe we can All wake up from this bad dream...


But...

It isn't a dream.

And time doesn't Stop.

Yet...

We do remember vividly.

We do feel you close.

We are okay.

But...

We miss You.

We want to celebrate You.

We want Another Birthday.

We want this to be different.


Tonight Your birthday will have passed but the moon will come back out to remind us that...


YOU LOVE(D) US TO THE MOON AND BACK......................



Happy Birthday my sweet Mom-in-law. Miss You and Love YOU to the moon and back.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Heavy heart...


Tonight I come with mixed emotions.

Today I spent all day at the church celebrating incredible young ladies in Girl's Ministries and their amazing accomplishments. It was a beautiful day of celebrating and loving on amazing girls!!! I am very proud of them and very honored to be joining them on a peace of their life's journey.

Yet my heart is very heavy this evening as well. As tomorrow our girl (my lil sister in law) begins her first day of high school. She does so without her mama. She'll wake up without her mom's help, get ready, leave, experience her first day of high school, the high school her mom graduated from, and she'll come home...and her mama won't be sitting on the porch waiting for her when she gets off the bus and she won't get to sit and share her day with her mom. My heart is breaking all over again. I hurts so bad for her. I want so badly to take the pain away or at least to ease it some. But truly there is no way to do that. All I can do right now is just lift her before the Lord and beg Him to hold her so tight and protect her and love her and lead her and guide her and bring her whatever comfort and peace He can. This hurts and I hate it so much. Another first without my precious mother in law...but worse than that, another first without her mama. Another first that my Hubby and his brother and her daddy and all our family do everything they possibly can to ease the pain we all feel so deeply.

Mama Darlene, we miss you so much. I know that you are with us and watching over us. I know how incredibly proud you would be of all of us...YOUR First Born as he started Bible College two weeks ago, Your Second Born as he adopted our niece, YOUR Baby Girl as she begins high school, even me as I begin my second year of Bible College. You loved us all so very much and not having you here and not having your love and support so deeply impacts our lives. Oh how we miss you so so much.

Father I give it all to you. Everything that I cannot fix and all the pain that I cannot take away. All the moments that re-break my heart and deeply move me to seek you with all of my heart on behalf of those I love with the heart YOU have given me to love them with. Oh Father we need you. Father we need you so much and we want you in our lives. Father I ask you for protection, YOUR Supernatural protection, for you grace, mercy, favor, and PEACE, YOUR comfort, understanding, and for You to reveal your purpose and calling for our lives. Oh Father I love you so much and I know you love us all with and everlasting love and I am so Thankful and grateful for that love!!! I am so Thankful to YOU for our families, they are truly precious and dear to us. Thank YOU for their love and support. Thank YOU mostly for YOUR love and support for YOUR plan and purpose. In Jesus name. Amen.

Monday, August 08, 2011

Precious Messages...

This morning I woke early...around Five am.


I began thinking about my precious mother in law. We just miss her so so much.


I looked the facebook messages that we shared. I had forgotten just how much she really loved me. As I read through those messages I was once again blessed entirely. I felt connected to her once again.


I remembered when she shared with me the song she wanted to dance to with Hubby at the reception. She called herself my “New Mom”. Which told me that she just pulled me right into the family with no hesitation.


I remembered how strong and encouraging she was when the cancer came back and how glad she was that Seth had me to help him through. I was glad too. She would tell me what she needed me to pray for most and I would pray specifically for those things.


I sent her a pink fluffy house coat and some bible verses and she thanked me for them and said she was going to take the bible verses to every treatment. It was nice to get to do something to bless her.


She encouraged me one time when I was having a rough time...”Take it from me LIFE is to short to dwell on bad thoughts So have faith in the good ones and in the Lord God Almighty and the bad ones don't seem so bad Love you MOM.” Yes this was her encouragement to me in the middle of her battling cancer. She was so amazing.


I was reminded when she took me to the Mardi Gras parade. The first one I had ever been too. It was cold but she took us anyway and made sure we had a great time. She was precious. I miss her.


She checked on me after I passed out while running and told me not take care of myself and not to push it.


When work got really really bad she said...”it will all come together , stressing will not do u no good, you are a good person and things will come to u in 3 fold, faith and prayer my daughter is what it takes ..love you”


On our first anniversary she said...”. I know this year has really passed us by...But it seems that you have been apart of us for a looooong time...I am so very thankful for you and all you do for my son... I cant imagine life with out you...I love you...MOM” And I couldn't imagine my life without her, but now we have to and it makes me so sad.


I took so much for granted even when she got sick and we tried so hard not to take anything for granted. I miss her so much. It was wonderful to read through the messages and remember the connection that we did have. It felt so good to feel connected to her again.


Thank you Father for letting me find these messages. I cherish them.


I am planning to print out these messages so that I can read them and remember her and feel connected with her and share her love with our children one day.

Tuesday, August 02, 2011

Date Day :-)

Hubby and I had a Date Day today. I just LOVE making memories with this man!! Hubby planned it on his own and kept it all a surprise...I love when he does that!! Today was perfect timing for several reasons...

1. I have been moody lately and have ruined our last two attempts at having some fun together.

2. Hubby starts his first day of class today and I start back in three weeks.

3. As a stay at home wife I don't get out of the house quite as much as I used to so it was nice just to be out.

Enjoy some pictures from our day.












It was a very fun day and now Hubby is in his first class at Bible College!! I am beyond excited and happy!! It feels like a beautiful beginning and like my dreams are coming true before my eyes!