Saturday, June 28, 2014

Saturday Randoms

Happy Saturday!!

>We picked up our girl Ronni today and she will be here with us until we all go to Mobile Thursday!!
>Both LouLou and Hubs are napping right now...and Tater too
>I am making yummy fried chicken tonight - I'm actually getting pretty good at cooking some things
>I am so excited to have LouLou here this will be such a nice change
>Snoring is one of my favorite's very peaceful to me
>Hubs is asleep and I haven't changed the TV from the soccer game...I must be getting used to all the sports in our life!
>Tomorrow will be our 6th week without children's church due to the sanctuary renovation...I am so ready for children's church...but the break has been really nice too...but I MISS MY KIDS AND TEACHING THEM!
>I am so in need of a pedicure
>I am seriously considering cutting my hair off again
>I am wearing both of my wedding rings again...I have not been able to do this for a while because my fingers are quite short and I had gained quite a bit of weight
>I have lost about 25lbs since we moved back to Alabama
>I am currently at a stand still on the weight loss though
>We have some new neighbors...they seem quite a bit so makes me want to never have neighbors when we buy a house
>I need my home to be my safe and peaceful place...crazy neighbors hinder that a bit
>I have been slowly going through storage boxes and it has been fun going through old pictures and seeing my life's journey through pics!
>LouLou is awake...time to post and go

Friday, June 27, 2014


We have a deep, desperate need for salvation, and we require someone bold to tell us the truth. Truth is love.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014


There are moments when I just want to scream - NO MORE NO MORE NO MORE, I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE!!

Tonight is one of those moments when I just feel that my heart and head have had enough and I just want to scream!

However it is also times like this that God shows me what He has done in me and how far HE has brought me and it is moments like these that He says...ahem, remember Me, I am still here, you wanna tell me all about it?

Oh Father, you see and you know all...I am giving it all to you and asking for YOUR WISDOM and YOUR WILL. I know that YOU see the Big picture and I know that I can trust YOU completely.
Thank you Lord! I know that you will never give me more than I can handle and you will never leave me or forsake me and You are my defender. Thank You. In Jesus name. Amen.

Life is not a cake walk but God has given us the tools to walk this road. Sometimes it is easy going and sometimes we find ourselves on a more difficult and tricky path...but if we lean NOT on our own understanding but in all our ways seek HIM - HE WILL DIRECT OUR PATH!

Father I just want to seek you and lean on you and follow the exact path that You have. In Jesus name. Amen


God sent His Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. Galatians 4:4-5.

Monday, June 23, 2014

Mondays and new revelations

The weekend rolled around and we found our Saturday morning to be the good kind of busy. Hubby went off to the church to cut grass (his favorite thing to do) and I was off to brunch with a friend to catch up. After a very lovely brunch I found myself having a much needed phone date with my best friend and I found myself crying as I unloaded weeks worth of pent up tears and realizations.  I am so blessed to have a friend who can and will hold me up when I am down and who allows me to do the same for her.

It seems that God knew exactly what both of us needed on this Saturday morning as her schedule had been rearranged and she found herself at home sitting on her porch listening to a weeping me. And God knew I needed my friend to listen and encourage me as I had a fall apart moment that had been sneaking up on me for weeks.

God is faithful friends, always faithful.

There are things that creep up on us that can only be shared with best friends who have proven trust worthy and loving in the worst of your life's moments. And Saturday was one of those moments. I didn't feel the desire to release what I was feeling all over my husband who at this point gets the brunt of my emotions and struggles, no, God knew that my friend was the one who was to get that moment with me. I am thankful that my Hubby go that break! He is such a wonderful man and he supports me completely but he definitely deserves a break from my femaleness! He doesn't have to get it all but I am thankful he doesn't mind being there for me when I need him.

So in the course of my weeping I realized that I have reached a few understandings and turning points. I realize that I am in the most difficult part of transition for me. The part where I am more tempted to retreat inside myself and never come out and also the part where I am missing being with people who know and love me, to which I can only have those kinds of relationships if I choose to come outside of myself and build them.  You see the dilemma.

You see I function so much better when I have relationships in my life that are safe and loving. However those relationships take time and effort. And I find myself struggling to pull outside myself to make the effort yet those relationships are what help me to be outside myself comfortably. Oh what a cycle right!

I know that I am capable of escaping myself and building those relationships as I am missing those very relationships from our last home.

So as my sweet friend who I am missing quite acutely sat on her front porch "getting some color" on her legs, I talked and cried out this struggle within me. And she so sweetly listened and encouraged me and loved me and let me dump out my emotions and pent up tears multiple times withing the span of the hour plus conversation.

Ahhhh...I love being loved like that. I am so thankful that during my last transition God helped me pull outside of myself and make the effort as scary as it was to build a relationship with this incredible woman. And I am thankful that God helped her see something in me that she liked as well and that she made the effort to build relationship with me and I am thankful that the miles that separate us have only drawn us closer to each other.

So in this most difficult part of the transition I have been able to identify what I must do and I have been able to overcome my desire to retreat into myself several times. Saturday morning brunch for example, inviting someone over, and pulling myself from the safety of my home on several occasions even when it felt like that might actually kill me.



I am thankful for the lifelong relationships that God has allowed me to have. I know that I am extremely blessed to have the few I do have in my life as I know it is extremely rare to have those types of safe, strong, loving, encouraging, life long friendships in life.

So today, on this Monday I feel a bit stronger. I feel a bit better. I still miss the loving support from the relationships I had in Springfield and I miss being loved by many and seeing those I love on a daily or weekly basis. But I have hope in my heart that those relationships are here and available for me and I know that I can cultivate and build them but I must pull outside of myself, trust God, and give it the time that it takes.

I do not desire to rush into superficial relationships and I do not desire perfect relationships, I just desire the relationships that God has planned in advance for me and I am more ready today to pull outside of myself than I was last week.

Transition is not easy for with it come new everything but that is also what is exciting about it too.

I cannot wait to see what God has in store as I know He called us here and this is where He wants us to be. He has a purpose and a plan and I trust Him completely.

Here's to what is ahead. Though I cannot see it and do not know who, what, or when exactly I know it will be good and hard and imperfect and amazing.

Lord I give it all to you and I TRUST YOU. In Jesus name. Amen.

Thursday, June 19, 2014


Like the family of Jesus, you are not forgotten. He has plans and purpose for your life. He looks your way.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

You have a family. You have a story. Jesus did too. #FamilyOfJesus

You have a family. You have a story. Jesus did too. #FamilyOfJesus

Monday, June 16, 2014

Kicked in the Gut

As a teacher and pastor there are moments that you pray will never happen for your students. There are situations that you believe completely they will overcome and you pray fervently they will overcome. There are hours upon hours of mentoring and praying and teaching and challenging and checking on, etc that go into loving someone.

I count myself completely honored that God would allow me to do such things for students and young ladies. It is my heart, it is why I was born, it is why I breath and why my heart beats. It is my calling. I will do it as long as God allows me to.

In all that hope and prayer and belief and mentoring there is still free will and choice.

That's the hard part.

Allowing that freedom and choice. Oh boy how hard it must be for God himself to give all of his children that choice everyday when all He wants to do is love us and give us the very best.

On with my kick in the gut...

One of my students, one of my loves, part of my heart made an announcement that just knocked the wind out of me. I don't exactly know how to respond yet all I know is that I am a bit disappointed and heart broken but mostly I just want her to know that she is LOVED and ACCEPTED no matter what. I don't exactly know how to do that just yet or if she will even receive it. But with all my heart I want her to know that there is NOTHING that can separate us from God's love and because He loves me I love her unconditionally.

I do feel like I have been kicked in the gut as I feel that she is running from the Lord and His truth and His plan. I feel like she is just trying to escape her circumstances but in all the wrong ways. I see it because it is exactly what I did when I was her age. I ran, I tried anything to escape. The difference is that she knows truth, she has been given tools and sadly she is choosing the enemy's way out and it breaks my heart.

However I know with all of my heart that God can turn any circumstance into good and that He is a God of Redemption. I just did not want her journey to be even harder than it already has been.

Oh my heart hurts and loves so much all at the same time.

Love never fails. Love never fails. Love never fails. I believe that with all of my heart.

Lord show me how to love like you love. Show me what to do and how to move forward. Give me your wisdom. Lord I need you. In Jesus name. Amen.

Saturday, June 07, 2014

When Life Slows You Down

Today I am missing the fullness and busyness of life as it was.

I am missing once again being surrounded by people I love and who love me in return.

I know that these things take time and it is definitely one of the hardest parts of transition for me.

There are so many things that I love about the place that we are in though and for a moment I want to focus on those:
1. We get time with our families on a consistent basis. We are a part of the everyday moments and special moments and that definitely makes my heart happy.
2. We are getting to build new relationships and build a church from the bottom up and that is very exciting to us. We love that we know that we will get to be here for the long haul and watch our kiddos grow up and become workers and then graduate and go off to college and get married and have children, etc.
3. We are growing and evolving so much and drawing even closer to God than ever before.
4. Our ministry and leadership is evolving and it is absolutely amazing to see.
5. My husband is absolutely blossoming and it is so very amazing to see.
6. We are experiencing God's faithfulness in ways that we would not have otherwise.

I know that we are just exactly where we are supposed to be and that we absolutely followed God here and that He is most certainly in this transition. It has been an easy transition in so many ways.

But today I am missing the fullness and busyness of life as it was. Today I am missing the MO peeps that I came to love with a love that I did not even know I had. Today I miss my kids - ALL of their sweet faces and sweet hearts. Today I miss the family units. Today I miss the parents. Today I miss the halls, the skyroom, the fungeon, my office, the grounds that made up Praise Assembly. Today I miss my friends and those who loved me and accepted me and knew me. Today I miss my little yellow house. Today I miss my neighbors. Today I miss Old Navy and the sweet friends that we made there. Today I miss CBC days and the friends and memories made there. Today I miss the streets of Springfield and the familiar places. Today I miss Culvers custard, Old Chicago Pizza, Nearly Famous Deli, the park where I had great time with my girls and great walks, the softball park, our two apartments, Battlefield Mall, Qudoba, the creek, Branson, our small couples group and all it's craziness, Silver Dollar City, 65 and I44, Glenstone, ABC Books, Kearney, Kansas, I miss so much. I miss the faces in the hall and the hugs.

I feel so behind here, I feel so out of touch with love, hugs, ministry, mentoring, people. I know it takes time and it's not something to be rushed. I don't really want to live my life waiting for what's to come instead of enjoying the moment but it is hard.

So today I am excited for kids camp tomorrow and praying with all of my heart that relationships will be cultivated and deepen. I am praying for a refreshing time for our kids as well as for me. I am praying for the beginning of something truly truly great. I am praying for a time to regroup and come back stronger than ever, ready to go go go.

Today I am excited for the future because I know that God has an amazing one planned for us. Today I am excited for the opportunities that I know nothing about yet. Today I am excited for the busyness and fullness that is to come. Today I will revel in the calm and quite and I will fill my heart and soul with the Savior that never lets me down and I will build my faith and expectation. Today I will love the place that I am in and appreciate it for exactly what it is.

Today is:
1. A calm Saturday morning. Hubby is still in bed snoring, Tater is sitting next to me in his favorite spot in front of the window napping.
2. We are in a rental house that meets our needs in a small community that we have fallen in love with that is near the church and hubby's job.
3. The laundry is done and there are a few dinner dishes left over to wash.
4. I am mostly organize and ready to pack for kids camp. My first Alabama kids camp in 4 years
5. We are meeting friends from MO today and I get to see two of the girls I mentored and fell head over heels in love with. It makes me sad because I'll only get to see them for a few hours and I know I'll have to say goodbye again, but I am so ready to see them and hug them.
6. Our needs are met and then some.
7. We have visited ALL of our families recently.
8. We have friends coming over next weekend for hubby's birthday.
9. We are in the process of praying for and planning a family.
10. God is so incredibly faithful. Faithful beyond what we could imagine.

So there are times that life slows you down and you find yourself looking around at seemingly less that what you had before, but truthfully our lives are just as full and becoming fuller as we build new relationships and as we dream for future things to come. And these slower moments are meant for rest and rebuilding and for drawing closer to the God who is beyond what one could ask or dream.

I am okay. I am content. I have joy. And I am blessed beyond anything that I could imagine.

Lord, have Your way in my heart and life. I know that one day soon the busyness will return and I will long for these quieter times. So help me to be content and full of joy in the present and to not live for the future only. Bless our time at kids camp and let them be all that you desire for them to be. Bless these slower days and help me to make the best of each one. In Jesus name. Amen.

Wednesday, June 04, 2014

Letting Go

Letting go is one of the hardest things to do. Letting go hurts. Letting go is part of life.

There are moments when I'm scared that I have let go. There are moments that I can't even imagine letting go. There are moments when I am strong enough to let go. There are moments when I am too weak to give the freedom for others to let go.

Yep, letting go is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

Yet I am reminded that God is Faithful. He will take care of those I have to let go....HE IS TAKING CARE OF those that I have to let go. He is taking care of me in the letting go.

I am forever grateful for the time I had to love them and be with them, I am forever grateful for the relationships that I gained and will always have.

I am forever grateful that God loves them.

Thank You God for being faithful. Thank you for loving them. Thank you for loving me.