Kicked in the Gut

As a teacher and pastor there are moments that you pray will never happen for your students. There are situations that you believe completely they will overcome and you pray fervently they will overcome. There are hours upon hours of mentoring and praying and teaching and challenging and checking on, etc that go into loving someone.

I count myself completely honored that God would allow me to do such things for students and young ladies. It is my heart, it is why I was born, it is why I breath and why my heart beats. It is my calling. I will do it as long as God allows me to.

In all that hope and prayer and belief and mentoring there is still free will and choice.

That's the hard part.

Allowing that freedom and choice. Oh boy how hard it must be for God himself to give all of his children that choice everyday when all He wants to do is love us and give us the very best.

On with my kick in the gut...

One of my students, one of my loves, part of my heart made an announcement that just knocked the wind out of me. I don't exactly know how to respond yet all I know is that I am a bit disappointed and heart broken but mostly I just want her to know that she is LOVED and ACCEPTED no matter what. I don't exactly know how to do that just yet or if she will even receive it. But with all my heart I want her to know that there is NOTHING that can separate us from God's love and because He loves me I love her unconditionally.

I do feel like I have been kicked in the gut as I feel that she is running from the Lord and His truth and His plan. I feel like she is just trying to escape her circumstances but in all the wrong ways. I see it because it is exactly what I did when I was her age. I ran, I tried anything to escape. The difference is that she knows truth, she has been given tools and sadly she is choosing the enemy's way out and it breaks my heart.

However I know with all of my heart that God can turn any circumstance into good and that He is a God of Redemption. I just did not want her journey to be even harder than it already has been.

Oh my heart hurts and loves so much all at the same time.

Love never fails. Love never fails. Love never fails. I believe that with all of my heart.

Lord show me how to love like you love. Show me what to do and how to move forward. Give me your wisdom. Lord I need you. In Jesus name. Amen.