Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Hello is Wednesday...I am super excited...we are having a Missionettes party tonight...and it is going to be too fun...we are doing a person scavenger hunt, having popcorn, and cake...and we'll all be together...then at the end we will take our new girls back to class and talk a little bit about what we do...anyway it will be know I really dont have much to say has been a busy boss and I got the laptop ready for me to take to Kentucky so I can work some there...not much...I'll only be doing my daily report...and hopefully that will not take long...and if it is not possible for me to do it there all I have to do is call and tell them and I wont have to do it...anyway I am excited about Kentucky...I cant wait...I so need to practice both of the Gorilla dances...I am so not a good dancer...Amber I need is hilarious...even my brother Daniel now dances better than I do...and he was so bad before...I dont know what happened but I need that to happen to will be sad going to Kentucky without Daniel this year...I will miss him so much...last year when we went...he and I had such a strong we were twins...we could draw strength from each other...that connection has been lost for now...and that makes me want to cry...but I have all confidence that we will have it back...I know that God put Daniel and I together for a reason...we are siblings...and we are both going into Children's Ministry...and I just know that God is going to bring back that bond between us...and one day our families will be close and support each will be awesome...I can not wait...anyway...I had better to run to post office...and maybe stop by for some lunch somewhere...I'm famished...sorry for the short post...lata!

Thursday, August 25, 2005

God's Word

I am being touched so much by God's word lately...I love it...Jen and I are reading in Jeremiah and it has really been good...we are trying to read on a schedule so yesterday I read some in Proverbs...I read Proverbs 24 because it was the was really good...made me think alot about myself and parts reminded me of what some around me are dealing with and was sooo cool...soooo alive and God's Word cool like that...I mean think about was written FOREVER ago...but we read it today and it just fits perfectly...and you can read the same thing on a different day and it can speak something totally different to you...Hebrews 4:12 12"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." is living and active!...I love it...last night I read Haggai at the guiding of one of my friends...and it spoke so much to me about the mess I continually get myself into with my money...Haggai 1:5-6
"Take a good, hard look at your life.
Think it over.
6You have spent a lot of money,
but you haven't much to show for it.
You keep filling your plates,
but you never get filled up.
You keep drinking and drinking and drinking,
but you're always thirsty.
You put on layer after layer of clothes,
but you can't get warm.

I am not even taking care of my NEEDS at this foolish am I...but then he encourages that once you see and seek to change and do the things He asks of you to do...
18""Now think ahead from this same date--this twenty-fourth day of the ninth month. Think ahead from when the Temple rebuilding was launched. 19Has anything in your fields--vine, fig tree, pomegranate, olive tree--failed to flourish? From now on you can count on a blessing.'" ...God will bless us when we do what He asks of us...that is so ecouraging to me...and I am ready to do better...Lord help me!!...and you know what He already has...I got two very unexpected blessings recently and I know it is God's way of honoring my obediance to Him...its sort of like my new blog friend Ashley said today summarizing something she read in a book I gotta read... ......"Why is it so easy for us to have faith in believe in someone that died 2,000 years ago...we are so sure of the fact that he is our salvation....our father...yet we find it so hard to believe that this same Father actually has delivered us from the power of sin and we dont have to struggle with things like we do.....forgiveness comes by the same grace that my delieverance does....i just have to believe and have faith that it is finished...Christ said it was when He died on the cross...IT IS FINISHED!!!!"...I mean really...why dont I have the faith I that was good...thank you Ashley for sharing are awesome...even still God spoke to me through an article I read today about a woman who got herself in a mess hiking..."Another lesson I learned is that we can't continue down a wrong path and remain untouched by the consequences we create. Even as I continued to make bad decisions, I prayed, "Lord, show me the right way." But he already had! I knew what I should have done, I just didn't do it. When we make a conscious choice against God, we're seldom hit with lightning; usually we just get to hang out in our circumstance, which is more than most of us can bear."...whoa...I hope all this is making does in my head...I just hope I am writing it down so others can understand...bottom line...God is so good...all He asks of us is tho be obediant and follow Him...and if you think about that...all He wants to accomplish by asking us doing that is to take care of us...He's not a dictator just telling us what to do...He is our DADDY...we should be obediant because He is doing what is best for us...He knows...we do not...for example...say you have a child or are babysitting a child...they are headed toward a busy road chasing a run grab them...they dont understand all they wanted was their ball...why are you taking them from their ball???...but what they dont see is you see the bigger see the road and the danger...the child does not it is with God and us...He sees the bigger picture we do not...whoa I could write forever...but I have so much work to has truly been a busy week...but absolutely worth it...I hope this post made up for skipping yesterday...I was so zoned out...well I love you all...I love Jesus...until next time...Seeking Him!!!

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

God's Trademark!!

Jeremiah 8:9
...Look at them!
They know everything
but God's Word.
Do you call that

I know nothing if I dont know God's Word...when I read this today it stuck out to me...I am extremely lacking in this area...but not only knowing God's Word but knowing Him...

Jeremiah 9:24
If you brag, brag of this and this only:
That you understand and know me.
I'm God and I act in loyal love.
I do what's right and fair
and delight in those who do the same things.
These are my trademarks.

I want to be God's awesome to be a trademark of the King...that is my goal and what God is working me toward!!!

Had an awesome talk with Marcie last night...I learned so much from it...and I so enjoyed the time spent with her tremendously...I dont get that time as often as I used to...due to us both having busy when I get the time I am very grateful...the above verse reminds me of Marcie...I definately think she is one of God's trademarks and I love her for it!!! I have a few people in my life that I would consider God's trademarks and I look up to them and learn from them!!!

The crusade is going great...tonight is our last night...makes me so sad...the highlight of last night was this:
Before service started I was talking to the kids and the boys were saying how the "monkeys" were scary and they didn't like them...and I was like...No way...dude those gorillas are so cool...I mean they are the coolest ever...they love kids and they really like to dance...can you guys dance...there were three boys standing there...and they were like yeah we like to dance...and they showed me how they can dance...then I was know what I bet the gorillas would love to dance with you guys, yall wanna dance with them...they were like yeah!! was so I got to do a gorilla last night so I went over and danced with was so awesome!!!!

Well I cant wait to get back to the church tonight...guess I'll go and get to invoicing some more and maybe the afternoon will just fly by!!!

Until next time...Seeking Him...desiring to be His trademark!!!

Monday, August 22, 2005

Hey guys...thanks for putting up with my gloomy post...this one is better...the weekend was good...Friday night went to the book store and hung out while waiting on the family to go to the movies...we went to see Dukes of Hazzard for Daniel's birthday...what a disgusting movie...there were more gd's that I could count in the first 10 mins alone...and Jessica Simpson was just plain slutty...she did nothing through out the whole movie but loudly use her body which was barely covered to get men to do what she wanted...oh that sends a great message to our young ladies...there was drinking, sex, and cursing through out the whole thing...I would not see it again...then Saturday we had our small women's group meeting and swam and chatted and ate all was wonderful...and much needed...Sunday Children's Church was great and then we packed up to head to Clanton to do a Kids was awesome...though I was scatterbrained and forgot that I was supposed to do certain it really was awesome and Daniel did a character and he did so good...I was very was a great night...I think there were kids there that asked Jesus into their heart for the first time...and you cant top that...but I did also get to sing and worship twice in the same incredible it was...and I get to tonight and tomorrow night...I love it so much...I love it love it love it...I guess it's that I am actually using my gift to draw others into least I hope I draw them and not interrupt I just feel so much joy and so complete when I sing...anyway I can not wait to get back there has been okay...though crusades make it hard to come to a secular job and work...I want to be ministry focused all day every day...ONE day that will happen...I have no doubt...I am enjoying what I have now while I have it...well anyway I had better get back to work...not much more to say...Thank you Father for the opportunity to show/tell kids how much you love them...for the opportunity to lead them into worship as I worship you...for your amazing love and presence...may you join us again tonight and fill that place with your Spirit...change hearts and lives tonight....annoint the service and have your way in it...I pray all distractions would be gone tonight...I pray that the kids would be focused on what you want to do in their hearts and lives...I pray they would be open to you and sensitive to your our ministry team to work together and be unified and kind to one another...may we be nothing more than willing vessels for you to use tonight...thank you again for this incredible opportunity...I love you with all my heart and I want the children to know your love for them...In Jesus name I pray...Amen!

Friday, August 19, 2005

Kind of a rough day for me...dealing with some hard things...I am exhausted...emotional too...though I have not cried at all today...still emotional...dont know if that makes does to me...I am slow...quiet...I dont have alot of words in my responses to people...I dont want to run...I am being bullheaded both with God and the enemy...I am easily irritated...but not irritable...some here at work are really bothering me...the ones that usually would not...I have a sinking feeling in my right before the roller coaster starts to move...its a meloncholy day I think...though my Choleric is never far away...
Ecclesiastes 3:3-7
...a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,
my God is good...He is loving, kind, and faithful...He gives strength, peace and hope...He is and gives LOVE...until next time...Seeking Him...struggling through!

Thursday, August 18, 2005

I'll run with the horses!

You know working on yourself is hard and ugly...there are big things ahead of me that I see I need to work on...and they are ugly...there are things I dont see is hard...and the Meloncholy in me wants to turn it inward and feel bad for myself...the God in me wants me to simply take it and fight against is and change it and grow...easier said than done that is for sure...and you can bet the ole devil is right there he wants me to change these things he has spent years perfecting...I am reading out of several very good books...they both came from our sunday school is the Spirit Controled was the last book we went through in class and I never actually read it all they way through anyway I have been reading parts of it and it has been really encouraging to me...I know I have many weaknesses in my personality but God can give me strength in those areas...and the book is helping me to see that...the other book is Running with the Horses which we just stared last Sunday in Sunday school...Jen directed me back to it this morning and I reread some of the paper PT gave us...and is a quote from the book..."It is easier to relax in the embracing arms of The Average, Easier, but not better, Easier, but not more significant. Easier, but not fulfilling. I called you to a life of purpose far beyond what you think yourself capabale of living and promised you adequate strength to fulfil your destiny. Now at the first sign of difficulty you are ready to quit. If you are fatigued by this run of themill crowd of apathetic mediocrities, what will you do when the real race starts, the race iwth the swift and determined horses of excellence? What is it you really want "Tabbie", do you want to shuffle along with this crowd, or run with the horses?" WANT TO RUN WITH THE HORSES...I think that is the conclusion that God has been bringing me to through out my Christian walk...the book is a study on Jeremiah...and based off the analogyand it goes on to say this..."It is unlikely, I think, that Jeremiah was spontaneous or quick in his reply to God's question. He weighed the options. He counted the cost. He tossed and turned in hesistation. The response when it came was not verbal but biographical. His life became his answer, "I'll run with the horses".' I think I was quite a bit quicker to respond...but that was all God...God has set me on a path of healing, growth, that is much quicker than I ever thought...but there is a is a Promise...and He is working me toward that Promise as fast as I'll let Him...(I'm stubborn but when I do get determined I go for it)..."I called you to live at your best, to pursue righteousness, to sustain a drive toward excellence."...more from the book God to Jeremiah I believe...Isnt that what God has called all His children to?...A DRIVE TOWARD EXCELLENCE...PURSUIT OF RIGHTEOUSNESS...hard doesnt even begin to describe the journey...but I can sum it all up in two words...WORTH IT...more worth it than anything in life you will ever do...more worth it because everything and everyone around you benefits from that journey...your life changes, your goals change, your heart changes, or at least it should...we are not born with the right doesnt just takes work and lots of takes determination, it takes pain, suffering, and trials, it takes tears, PRAYER, and PRAISE...another thing that spoke to me was something my friend Jodi shared with me last night..."Praise confuses the enemy of our soul, praise while the enemy is bearing down"...Praising while we are being attacked...throws off our awesome is that...hey why not try it ya know...I know I am going am ready to fight through this stuff I am facing...I know that all through out my life I will have battles...but I am ready to fight...Father I pray for Your strength...I pray that my eyes would be open to look at myself...I pray that you would walk with me...I know You will and You are...I want to continue on toward the goal of Running with the Horses...I want to continue on this journey...give me strentgh and patience when it is hard...encouragement when I am down...and direction when I am confused...I love you with all my heart...YOU ARE MY DESIRE...thank you for loving me and saving me and changing me...continue your work...In Jesus name I pray...Amen...well me Amigas...I must work...until next time...SEEKING HIM & FIGHTING THROUGH!!

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Busiest Day EVER!

Aaahhh finally time for my release...I am so is 5 and I should be leaving for church but I wanted to post before I left...I have had the busiest most stressful day ever...was yelled at twice first thing this morning...and the bottom fell out for the first hour of work...people yelling and screaming and flailing all about...well mainly only one...she is most definately former boss...naming no names here...she has been out of control all day...but the worst and only part I was involved in was this morning...I was glad it was over...I didnt have time to be dealing with it...tomorrow is looking to be just as busy and stressful as today minus the yelling I hope...but God has given me little gifts through out the day...the guys finished shipping before 4...I had correct change in my ashtray...I found the pinks easy...and Deana picked up lunch for us today...see little blessings that I am thankful for...phew...I am still going full is hard to slow my mind, body, and heart down after a frantic day like today...but God is good...tonight is church and we are going to just hang out with the girls since we only have 3 more classes with them counting tonight...aahhh...I think two of our girls are moving up...but we will gain some will be hard to see the girls leave though...I love them...but I still see them in Children's Church...but it just seems that they begin pulling away once they leave Stars class...anyway tonight we are just playing will be fun...I'm bringing Care Bear Uno, Guess Who, Life, and Bop It...I love Bop It...I played it the other night before I went to sleep and beat it...yes you can beat just play the single player one and keep going until it stops...and I have done it like 4 times now...I am so going to have to get the Bop-it extreme...oohhh...better go put that on my Christmas list...brb...ok done...ha...yes I have started my Christmas list because when my moms ask me what I want I have usually already forgotten the things I thought about so I am making a list already so I dont forget...well God has so cool and has been answering my mini prayers...its neat like I ask that He would help me to hear my alarm when it goes off the first time instead of hearing it the 5th time...and He has...I asked for some other little things that He answered too...I am is neat...I love it...last night prayer was so awesome...I love to just get in and pray pray pray...I always end up flat on my face just crying out in the is incredible...I love it...and I love when we all come together at the end in the circle to agree and pray together...we do that right before services at Kids Crusades too and I love it...oh oh oh speaking of Kids Crusades we have one next week...oh man I am Super Psyched...I cant wait...I love them so much...this one is in Clanton and I can drive there right after that makes it perfect...and with the guys getting done with shipping earlier it is great...well I really need to run so I can go home change and round up all the games and head to the church and hang out with the Bible Quizzers cause tonight is the first night of Bible Quiz practice...and there may be some food left if I get there in time...wahoo...I love Bible Quiz...I can not wait for our first match...oh and Daniel's first football game of the season is this Friday night and then we are going to go see Duke's of Hazard for his birthday...I hope it is good...oh and Saturday I get to go swimming and I am super excited...I hope it doesnt rain...ok ok ok...I really gotta go...after church I'm going to Carrie and Boo's to watch Brat Camp...if you havent watched that watch is awesome to see teens lives begin to change and them begin to heal and over come things...well alright...until next time...SEEKING HIM!

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

It's a long one!

Wow what a day so far...been husselin since I got to work...but it has paid off...last night I went to my mom's and watched home videos...oh my gosh it was so funny...when I first bought my mom her video camera two Christmas' ago Becky and I did and intro on was so stinking hilarious...we sang Felise Navidad and then changed it to Police Stole my Car...ha...oh my gosh I was so fat was so funny to watch...and then we taped holidays with my family...and awwww we had such an AWESOME Thanksgiving last year...I cooked and everyone came to my apt to eat Mom, Glenn, William, Brandie, and Jacob...and we all had the best time...we ate and played with Jacob and it was just the best it had been in so long...I so am praying I can make a tradition out of that...Christmas was good too William played with Jacob's toys instead of opening his presents we all turn childlike when we get is anyway that was fun to watch except it made me super sick to my getting car we had to turn it off because of that and because it was getting there is more to watch...I cant wait...anyway then I went to Jen and Jason's and laughed so hard at and with Jen...Jen you are a mess I'll tell ya that...and I love ya...then I got home and was sooooo hungry cause I was finally feeling better from homemovie sickness(ha) and so I made the only think I could find...first I had scrambled eggs with Katchup then I was still hungry and so I had oatmeal...I so need to take some time and buy some groceries...but I am never home to use them so most of the time it is a waste to go buy need some good ideas to fix some really yummy quick non parishables...and by the way Easy-Mac is so not a non parishable...I tried to make some of that before the oatmeal and how about the noodles so would not even come close to getting soft then I looked at the date on the box and it said November 2004...EEEEWWWW...I know...but hey I thought that Easy-Mac didnt spoil...WRONG...ah ha...bachelorettehood at it's that was the extent of my I was going to bed around midnight I prayed that I would hear the alarm and get up and I did...wahoo...Thank You Jesus...anyway so here I am at work as usual taking my miniscule break to blog...I love to blog...its a great release and a great way for your friends and family to know what goes on with I know most of the time my blog isnt this light...but dont worry I am about to dive into the God stuff...God is really showing me right now several big things I need to work on...there are so many many things I need to change and give to is hard...real hard...but I am excited about it too...because I know that it is going to benefit my future and my children in such a positive way...they will not have to deal with or fight through the crud that I have had to...and that is awesome...there are some things right now that I am unclear about exactly what God wants me to do...but I am trying to just be still in those areas and listen...I dont know that I am doing a very good job of that at all...but I am trying at least...I am super excited about the book we are starting in Sunday school...I think it is going to be challenging and is call Running with the Horses by Eugene someone...the guy who wrote the Message Bible...which by the way I have added to my Christmas list...but it is a study on the book of Jeremiah or based on that book...but anyway I am excited and I have started reading Jeremiah...which is how I came about putting that on my Christmas list...because I was struggling reading Jeremiah in NIV so I looked it up on and started reading it from the Message translation...much easier but it used the word sex and whore alot...freaked me out a little but I kept reading anyway God is just really weeding out some things in me...some major things and showing me that I have caused alot of the things I have been hurt by...see how selfish am I that I am just now seeing I have been some of the cause...way to go better late than never right...and I am just praying that God will continue to show me and keep me open to it...I am so so looking forward to prayer is such an awesome time...and I just plan to get lost in get out there the needs that I know God can know that NOTHING is too big for God...not one thing is EVER going to be more that HE can handle...that just excites me...I really need to grab hold of that knowledge and hold on to it forever...I need to trust Him so much more than I so many areas of my life...but today I am just simple excited...excited about the battles I am fighting...excited that I know Jesus is my Victory -- Jehovah Nissi -- excited that I have been promised a family that is beyond my dreams and wishes...excited that God is in control of my life(that is as long as I let Him be)...excited that He loves me more than I can fathom...excited that He has given me a profound love for Him and all people that I have never experienced before...excited that He has given me friends and family to support me and walk me through the hard times...excited that He saved me from the pit of Hell 4 years what an INCREDIBLE, AWESOME, MIGHTY, STUPENDOUS(Carrie's word), HOLY, LOVING, FAITHFUL, WONDERFUL, WORTHY, God we have...and to think that I have only allowed Him to barely show me what He can do and what He has for me and how much He loves stinks to be born of that is what God is doing in me...Sunday was so awesome in so many ways...the highlight was Sunday morning worship/prayer in Children's Church...when I am singing to God I feel like I can just reach out and touch Him and that He is just listening to me praise Him and worship Him...and when I am praying with the kids I am the most complete...I love Children's Church...I love everything about it...I love walking in the door and seeing the kids all there chatting and I love when they hug me and greet me...I love looking at the outline to see the order of things and what PT has planned...I love rabbit...I love when Marcie does object lessons the passion you see all over her when she talks to the kids...I love the gorilla's especially when we have short ones(that was for all us short gorillas out there-we're cool) I love PT's magic tricks and how he interacts with rabbit...they have such a chemistry...I love that he got me out of my box and made me start singing...I love it so much now...I love to see the kids dancing and worshiping and playing games...I love puppet songs...I love sword drills...I love Object lessons, I love our round tables...I just love it all so much...well this is one of those days where I could just write all day but I am sure by now this post is a novel so I'll go ahead and go...I need to get back to work...its Data Entry time to just had to make a funny...I am going to give a shout out to Neesie...I love are more precious to me than I am able to show...and a shout out to Dad(I'm not sure if he reads this though)...I love you and and so incredibly thankful to have you as my Dad...I miss you...okay and last but NEVER least a shout out to salvation, my future, my Best Friend, my All in All, You are everything I'll ever need and life is complete because of You...I love You with all my heart...
11GOD's Message came to me: "What do you see, Jeremiah?"
I said, "A walking stick--that's all."
12And GOD said, "Good eyes! I'm sticking with you.
I'll make every word I give you come true."

God thank You for sticking with me all the way...alright I am leaving you guys what that cool verse...until next time...Seeking Him!!

Monday, August 15, 2005

Great Day!!

Today is a great day...I started out with prayer even before getting out of bed...mind you I was praying that God would lay out the clothes I was going to wear to work for me...ha...anyway but I prayed in the car on the way to work and it was good...the whole weekend was just good...Denise and I started our scrapbook and it is looking great...we went to Tannehill...I found the perfect shirt to give to Daniel for his birthday and I think he really loves it...Sunday was awesome...Sunday school was so was challenging and awesome...Children's Church was incredible...everything went great...Marcie did an awesome object lesson...worship was so wonderful...and praying with the kids was so was just awesome...I think we had a fairly good turn out for Junior Bible Quiz...I am so excited about Bible Quiz I can't wait for it to start...I wish I could practice with the kids..but they practice while I am at work :(...but that is okay...and last night's service was great then we did Daniel's birthday after church...anyway it was a really good weekend and I loved it...and I feel great today...I am thankful...well for some reason I am not chatting here in my blog that is a quick update on my weekend...all I can say is God is really working in me right now...there are some big things He is wanting to do and I want to do ultimate goal is to be more like Him and be healed and changed so that I can raise healthy, secure, happy I am working hard to do that with God and praying that my future husband is doing the same thing...I want us to be healed Godly partners and parents...I am willing to wait for that...I am's all about God...His timing and will is perfect and I trust Him...until next time...Seeking Him!

Friday, August 12, 2005

Quiet Day

I really have nothing to say on here today...weird for me...but it is one of my quiet I just wanted to give a shout out to Jen cause she gave one to me on her blog a day or so ago...Jen I love are are an answer to prayer for me...thank you for being you...I love you bunches...kiss and hug all the kids for me...I'll see you Sunday...enjoy your weekend with the whole bed to got the whole bed to got the whole be to everyone else I'll write again on Monday maybe I'll have something to Him!!

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Back on top!

Wow what a roller coaster of a week...but its okay...I really feel like this week has just been growth for me...there are areas I really am working hard on...and the fact that I was attacked so badly yesterday just means I am doing something right huh...though I do not like how choleric I was yesterday...sort of a throw care out the window say whatever kind of mode...and that is dangerous for me...but last night at church was so fun and after church was just what I needed with Neesie...we had a great is good to be back on top today though...I feel strong and ready to continue on...I have a craving for God and His will and His word...and I love that...I love to be hungry for Him...well something yesterday got me to thinking about being single...and I really do like it...though I cant wiat to meet my husband and start a family one cool is it that I am pretty much free to do as I like...I really do like that freedom...and I think I use it for God's kingdom pretty wisely...I was aslo thinking yesterday about being real...I used to not be real...but I am all about being real lately and others being real with me...when it happens I am really thoughts are all over the place...sorry...I cant wait for Bible Quiz to start...I miss it know I am just so happy when I am serving God...I am the most complete when God is using me to touch someone's life...which He has allowed this week a couple times...I am just so complete when that happens...and I am most happy when I am doing ministry...whatever it may be...Children's Church, Bible Quiz, Drama(about to get started again), Stars(it has been different this year than any other but I am looking forward to a new year and what it will bring- so so not looking forward to Rachel moving up though-but cant wait to see who new is coming in), praying with people, encouraging people, loving people, ministry is definately my purpose...isnt it everyone's?...maybe not the exact same way...but I would be willing to bet that most people would be most happy when they are making someone else happy by loving them, helping them, listening to them, caring for them, encouraging them, it is what we are here for...God said the greatest of these is love...its all about Him loving us, us loving Him, and through that us loving each other and others...why do we struggle with this so much...I know I did that just put some things into perspective for me...I have been ugly in my thoughts toward some...ouch...I just got repremanded...that's okay...I am in the wrong...I need to forgive and move on...that is hard for me sometimes...I so just want to just continue to get better...I want to think of others before I think of myself...I want to stop living based on my feelings...I want to love people with God's love...I want to stop being on again off again...I want to always be honest...I want to always include people-all people-no matter how they have treated me...I want to just continue to grow...I want to grow closer to God...I want to spend more time with people I miss...I want to learn to balance my time better...I want to stop having lazy spells...I want to stay organized and Monkish...well to an extent...though I feel so much better when I stay on top of things...I want to exercise and do it on a regular basis and stop letting things throw me off track and it takes me weeks to get back to it...I want to spend my money more wisely...I want to be more consistent...I want to just be better...though I am thankful that I am at least where I am at...I am thankful I am not what I used to be...I am thankful that I love more than I used too...I am thankful that I am more consistent than I used to be...well okay I think today I could write forever...and its okay cause this is who I am and I am thankful for who I am...I love to write...I love to get my feelings and thoughts out on paper on typed out makes me feel better and I have nothing to hide...I am just real...I am just me...I am not ashamed...guilt and shame are lies from satan...tomorrow my boss and I are going to eat ribs...I cant wait...there is this wonderful little shack right down the road that makes the best bar b que I have ever had...but we havent tried their ribs yet...tomorrow we will...I bet they will be great...this weekend we are celebrating my brother's birthday...I cant wait...I love that we celebrate birthdays as a family...I cant wait to go get him a gift...I love buying things for people...I love giving gifts...I love helping people...I love serving people...I love helping people...I love my church...I love my families...I love my friends...I love my neighbor-she takes care of my rose plant and is too sweet...I love my car-it has been a good car and I am sad that I will be trading it in within the next year or so to get something else-I want to keep it but cant afford two cars(ins, gas, tags, maint...etc) is a cute little car...nothing fancy...just cute and me...and it gets me to where I need...I am looking at getting a minivan or an SUV with minivan seating brother freaks out everytime I mention getting a minivan because I am not married...but it has nothing to do with that...I need it cause I work with the Children's Ministry and it would be so helpful to haul kids to and fro...and if some guy doesnt want to date or marry me because I have a minivan then he needs to go on about his business anyway...its a car...not important...a minivan does not have to come standard with middle age and kids is practical and I have always bought practical buying my Malie over my dream car-a 68 camaro...but I am thankful I did...that is not a practical Malie is a great car...Malie is short for Malibu...that's how I name my cars...well this has been a really long post and like I said earlier I could probably write forever...but I guess I will stop and move on about my day...until next time...Seeking Him!!!

Wednesday, August 10, 2005


Just wanted to update and say I am feeling much better...much stronger...just needed a good vent to let it all out...God is good...all the time...all the time...God is good...I will not be giving up or running...God is my Rock...My Strength...My what a roller coaster of a day...well the whole week really...but that is okay...anyway this is a quick update...until next time...fighting through and seeking Him!!


Ok fair warning...this is going to be real...if you dont want to read real...then dont!

You ever have one of those days when you just feel like a failure...ok so that is my day's not like I dont know it is an attack from satan...I do know that...its like I see the things I have been working so hard on and I have failed at them again...even the part where I not supposed to beat myself up about but just recognize those things I failed at and deal with it and move on...well here is me failing at not beating myself up for today I feel like a great big failure...and I want to run like hell from it all...but I know I'd be running straight to hell...I told you this was going to be real...I am not hiding or sugarcoating anything...I am in a choleric mode right now...and no I'm not sorry for it...what is the point of hiding stuff anyway...does it really make it better no...I am who I am...I am human...I make mistakes...I want to run from the hard...and sometimes I do run from it...though up until today I thought I did a pretty good job of not running...but I am rethinking that whole thing too...I know that I wont run for long...because my heart is to seek God and His will and to be who He made me to be...what I am right now is NOT what He made me to be...I am definately walking in my flesh right now...I have made it past the break down point and moved right into shear anger...I am in fact so angry right now I could destroy something...I am fighting though...I do NOT want satan to win this battle...and ultimately he wont...because I am sold out to Jesus and He is my Victory...I am just having a bit of a hard time standing on that knowledge right now...I am ticked off, dog tired, and ready to attack...this is exactly what I do NOT want to be...I am tired of hurting those around me with my controling, ugly, self...and I am trying to change but seem to be spinning my wheels...God I need you to show me...I need to see where I have gained ground...cause right now I cant see that...I need You to knock this out of me...I am choleric so you know the hit has to be hard and right in the face...okay so this is so not a positive post so I am going to go but I needed to vent...and so I did...this is just me in a real, weak moment...yes I am all about being real right now...well I'm done...a true testament to my ugly side right here...pray for me if you read this...I need God to pull me up out of my own junk! Until next time...FIGHTING THROUGH!!!!!!

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Better Day! was a much better day than yesterday...I am thankful...I went home yesterday and went straight to bed and slept from 6:15pm to awesome is that...I sooo needed it after the wild weekend we had...but what an awesome weekend it was...I loved it so makes me want to be in full time ministry now...but I know I just need to be patient and content where I am...but I will tell you at times it gets hard for me...I am content but I am anxious for the promises God had made me...but I know His timing is better than mine...and it is not like He doesn't use me all the let me just tell you there is NOTHING better than being used by God to touch someone else's life...I love when I can encourage someone and lift their spirits and help makes me complete...God has used me a couple times this week like that and I love it...I love love love touching others lives and sharing His love with them...I love it more than I love anything except Jesus...well anyway I get to go help the Jones' tonight and I am excited...cause first of all I miss them all so much...I miss spending time with them so much...and I soooooo just love to help...I just really do love to I can not wait...I wanted to help so bad last night but I was not even functional at all...but that is okay...I am tonight...God has been so good to me lately...Sunday after church I was really bummed out...and Sunday night God just loved on me and I just cried...I just needed to was sort of was like I just cried on His shoulder...He is an awesome Father...and awesome God and I will never serve another...I have no idea how I lived without Him...through what I lived through...anyway He is just awesome...and always provides what I need when I need it...I still have a long way to go and things I know need to change...but I am ready...I want to change and that is the first step...I am ready to be more like Him...well I actually finished my invoices early this I guess I am going to go because I have wonderful things to do this evening...until next time...Seeking Him with ALL my heart!!!!!

Monday, August 08, 2005


I am recovering from an awesome exhausting weekend...Slack Attack was awesome...we played so hard Friday night...we had huge inflatables and video was so much fun...then we swam most of the day Saturday...phew...I am just now catching my breath...but the super sad thing is that I had no batteries for my camera...I could have gotten some great pictures too...I am going to have to prepare better...last week was such a blur though...but you know I love my life...I love God...I love ministry...I love kids...I love people...I am thankful for where God has me...well this is going to be short because I am so tired and not very talkative I'm going to go...I'll write more later. Here are a few pics Danielle sent to fun! Danielle and meJulie and meMe, Carina, and AmberBrandon, Kara, Jennifer, Courtney, and me

Me and Danielle ha ha Good times!

Friday, August 05, 2005

Short and not sweet

Whoa am I cranky today...I woke up so tired...I went to bed at 10:00 which is normal for me and I slept I have no idea why I am tired and cranky...but I will be alright...I am sooooooo looking forward to tonight...I went to WalMart at lunch and got an air matress so I wouldnt have to sleep on that hard floor...wahoo...anyway I am praying the rest of this day flies by...I know I am slammed and being pulled in way too many directions...but it's all good...I love my Jesus and He loves me...what more could I ask for...well guess I had better go and get back to work...oh and God spoke to me last night and comforted me about BGMC service on Sunday and I feel better and am actually getting excited about it...Thank you Jesus...on and today is my brother Daniel's birthday...I am so glad he was born 17 years ago...I love him...Happy Birthday to you Daniel...well I am off for a wild weekend with my kids...until next time...Seeking Him!!

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Desiring HIs Presence!

Good Day to everyone!!! I feel very good today...God is just showing me places He has grown me and ways I have changed and places He wants to change and ways He wants me to change...and I feel strong and ready...I feel good...I am determined today and that is one of my favorite things to be as long as it is determined for God...this weekend is Slack Attack for the Kids and Youth at our church I am super excited...I am praying that God will move in a mighty way...I can not wait to see what He is going to do...I can not wait to spend time with Marcie and the kids and the youth...we are going to have a great time...we are having video games, DDR, inflatables and amazing transforming services...I cant wait...I have missed the kids so much...I have missed Children's Church...I feel so not at home when I miss them...I am doing BGMC service this Sunday...I am nervous...the services are challenging to plan to pull off for definately makes me appreciate what PT does every week and makes me appreciate and confirms in me my calling to walk along side my future husband in if you are reading this pray that services go well tomorrow night and Sunday morning...we are talking about Thailand Sunday morning and I am excited because we have missionaries in Thailand that we know and they have an Xanga site and that is going to be helpful and cool to use Sunday morning...ok a little late but just covered my day in prayer...whew...I so need to do that before my day actually gets started...but better late than is one of those days that I just want to be in His presence...I just want to love on Him and let Him love on me...I just want to worship and praise and sink into the Spirit...and I am going to as much as possible today while working...oh speaking of working I had better get busy I am behind today as it is...but I love my Jesus and I am thankful that He gives me good days in and amongst the "growth" days (growth days is what I am calling bad days)...oh and Carrie gave me gaucho pants so I wore them today, because I wouldn't usually wear something this trendy and wild but she gave them to me so I am wearing them and they are comfortable...I am getting used to them...I may actually really like them...I know I like that they are sooooo thank you Carrie for getting me out of my box are my fashion guru...well until next time...Seeking Him!

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

New Creation!

2 Corinthians 5:17 17Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

Yes indeed! The new is coming!!
Wow God is good...I know I am almost a completely different person than I used to be...God has changed me so much...I could list so many things...there is still much to be changed...but I now look forward to the changing...because I know it draws me closer...I am so much more comfortable in my own skin now...I know that hard times bring learning and growth so I do not have the same attitude about trials anymore...I have a confidence I never had before...I am able to flow in different types of crowds truly is amazing how God has changed me and my life...I am so refreshed by it...I know that those who knew me before God can see the difference in me just by looking at me...I dress different, carry myself different, what they see in my eyes is different, the way I talk is different, the way I act and respond is is awesome...and exciting because I hope that 2 years from now I will be more different from today even...because I am changing I noticed something last night that was different in me a way I responded to something and a couple weeks ago I responded was was is ALL God...I know that without Him I would not be new or changed or anywhere close to what and who I am now...and without the people He placed in my life I would not be the same either...I am thankful...God is good to me and He has given me great family and friends to share my journey with...He has provided everything I ever needed to change and grow and LIVE...finally awesome is He...SO AWESOME...I could go on and on but I could never list all the wonderful things God has done for I'll stop now and get back to working...this week has been good Monday and Tuesday was the Annual Sales meeting and it was so quiet and peaceful here...last night we had a dinner party at the country club and it was nice...I realized among other things that I really like dressing up and having a nice fancy dinner...look out future husband...ha...anyway good week so far...ready for class tonight...cant wait to see my girls and everyone...maybe I'll get quiet time in the sanctuary tonight too...I love that...until next time...seeking Him!

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Hey Hey Hey!!
Today has started out being a good day...even with the lack of sleep I got last night...I was so tired but couldn't I read and know there are things that I have wanted to do and write and photography...I wonder what it would take for me to do those things...I wonder how I can get there...I am going to definately pray about that...and if it is God's will then something will happen...last nights women's meeting was so great...Lynn demonstrated hand tinting photos and showed us around her dark was sweet the way Denise made sure I could see and would put me in front...I was really quiet about my desire to do photography...I guess because I didnt think anyone would really take me seriously...anway it was very cool to see and participate in hand tinting a photo...I love to color so it was so fun...I really think I could love it...praying about it...anyway...God is moving in me...I am ready to be changed for the better...I am going after it full speed ahead...pray for me...last night on the way home Jen and I were chatting and I was thinking how I cant wait to experience the things God has promised will be so exciting and will be awesome to see His plan come into play...can't wait...well I guess I do not have alot to say I am going to go ahead and go cause I really can not think of much else to say...until next time...Seeking Him!

Monday, August 01, 2005

Selfish, Selfish, Selfish

Intriguing title huh...well God has been speaking to me about my selfishness...I have today committed to the journey to SELFLESSNESS...not it wont be easy...but I want it so badly...there are so many negative things that stem from selfishness...things that affect those around me greatly...I am tired of being selfish...I am tired of hurting those around me by being causes me to be ugly, ungrateful, inconsiderate, annoying, bossy, to name a few...all in all it is just an ugly thing to be...Bro David spoke on Gratitude yesterday...and I knew immediately I had been ungrateful to God and several others in my life...I knew immediately it stems from my selfishness...I have actually known for a while that I am selfish and wanted to work on it...but not quite the way I know and want to work on it now...I know that God can change this in me...I know that He has changed so much of the ugly in me...and I am looking forward to arriving at my goal...but I have no thoughts of it being easy...but I know it will be worth it...especially to all those around if you read this please be praying for know God has been good to me...selfishness aside...He has provided me with family, friends, church, a home, a car, a job...and even when I mess up royally He takes care of me anyway...even when I am unfaithful and not obediant...there He is loving me, ever faithful to know we just could not ask for a better Father than that...I only seek to be more like Him...and I aim to seek Him with all that is in me and get closer to arriving there...closer to Him...pray for me please...well...on a different the days have gone by I have come more and more to realize how wonderful my vacation truly was...mind you it was not what I thought it would be...and that is mostly my fault...but it was wonderful nevertheless...I always set things up in my mind as to what I want them to be...and when they do not turn out exactly like I planned in my head I get disappointed...but that is not to say they arent still wonderful...I am just now realizing this...could be the Meloncholy in me...who knows...anyway I am so thankful for such an amazing and wonderful vacation...there are things I wish I could go back and change(mainly my attitude through out the trip and my actions)...but I can learn from that and move on...I have already been forgiven for the most part...but I just want to thank God for the vacation, Dad, and Neesie...without them there would have been no vacation like Thank you guys...I truly had a wonderful time...forgive my shortcomings, I know they were loud and many...I just ask you to forgive me...I have so many more pictures maybe I can post some more later...hope you enjoyed what did get posted...well today has been a glorious day at work...everyone is in a meeting at the retail store so it has been super quiet here and I have loved it...I have gotten almost all my work done...and tonight I am going to the Women's Meeting and I am super excited...Miss Lynn is going to show us how to hand tint photographs...I have always wanted to do photography...I love taking my mind has drifted toward taking a class or two...we shall see though...well I had better run get some lunch and get back and check on the guys in the warehouse...until next time...orivrar...heha...Seeking Him!