Thursday, August 18, 2005
I'll run with the horses!
You know working on yourself is hard and ugly...there are big things ahead of me that I see I need to work on...and they are ugly...there are things I dont see too...it is hard...so hard...and the Meloncholy in me wants to turn it inward and feel bad for myself...the God in me wants me to simply take it and fight against is and change it and grow...easier said than done that is for sure...and you can bet the ole devil is right there attacking...like he wants me to change these things he has spent years perfecting...I am reading out of several very good books...they both came from our sunday school class...one is the Spirit Controled Temperment...it was the last book we went through in class and I never actually read it all they way through anyway I have been reading parts of it and it has been really encouraging to me...I know I have many weaknesses in my personality but God can give me strength in those areas...and the book is helping me to see that...the other book is Running with the Horses which we just stared last Sunday in Sunday school...Jen directed me back to it this morning and I reread some of the paper PT gave us...and wow...here is a quote from the book..."It is easier to relax in the embracing arms of The Average, Easier, but not better, Easier, but not more significant. Easier, but not fulfilling. I called you to a life of purpose far beyond what you think yourself capabale of living and promised you adequate strength to fulfil your destiny. Now at the first sign of difficulty you are ready to quit. If you are fatigued by this run of themill crowd of apathetic mediocrities, what will you do when the real race starts, the race iwth the swift and determined horses of excellence? What is it you really want "Tabbie", do you want to shuffle along with this crowd, or run with the horses?"...wow...I WANT TO RUN WITH THE HORSES...I think that is the conclusion that God has been bringing me to through out my Christian walk...the book is a study on Jeremiah...and based off the analogyand it goes on to say this..."It is unlikely, I think, that Jeremiah was spontaneous or quick in his reply to God's question. He weighed the options. He counted the cost. He tossed and turned in hesistation. The response when it came was not verbal but biographical. His life became his answer, "I'll run with the horses".' I think I was quite a bit quicker to respond...but that was all God...God has set me on a path of healing, growth, that is much quicker than I ever thought...but there is a reason...no...there is a Promise...and He is working me toward that Promise as fast as I'll let Him...(I'm stubborn but when I do get determined I go for it)..."I called you to live at your best, to pursue righteousness, to sustain a drive toward excellence."...more from the book God to Jeremiah I believe...Isnt that what God has called all His children to?...A DRIVE TOWARD EXCELLENCE...PURSUIT OF RIGHTEOUSNESS...hard doesnt even begin to describe the journey...but I can sum it all up in two words...WORTH IT...more worth it than anything in life you will ever do...more worth it because everything and everyone around you benefits from that journey...your life changes, your goals change, your heart changes, or at least it should...we are not born with the right stuff...it doesnt just happen...it takes work and lots of it...it takes determination, it takes pain, suffering, and trials, it takes tears, PRAYER, and PRAISE...another thing that spoke to me was something my friend Jodi shared with me last night..."Praise confuses the enemy of our soul, praise while the enemy is bearing down"...Praising while we are being attacked...throws off our attacker...how awesome is that...hey why not try it ya know...I know I am going to...wow...I am ready to fight through this stuff I am facing...I know that all through out my life I will have battles...but I am ready to fight...Father I pray for Your strength...I pray that my eyes would be open to look at myself...I pray that you would walk with me...I know You will and You are...I want to continue on toward the goal of Running with the Horses...I want to continue on this journey...give me strentgh and patience when it is hard...encouragement when I am down...and direction when I am confused...I love you with all my heart...YOU ARE MY DESIRE...thank you for loving me and saving me and changing me...continue your work...In Jesus name I pray...Amen...well me Amigas...I must work...until next time...SEEKING HIM & FIGHTING THROUGH!!