Friday, April 22, 2005
I am better today than yesterday and was better yesterday than the day before. You know seriously I never would have thought this would have affected me so much. I thought I had let go of him along time ago. But I learned that there was still a hope in me that my “dad” would want and love me one day. I mourn the family that never was, the hope my brothers and sisters and I lost, the condition of their lives and his life before he died. I have no peace about where he will spend his eternity. There was no fruit of salvation nor is their fruit of salvation in the rest of the family. I don’t feel like I lost a dad, I have my dad, but I did loose the hope. I met two sisters I didn’t know I had; they also didn’t have their dad love them. I spoke to the oldest Misty at the viewing Tuesday night, she is 32, she said “he knew where I lived, and how many kids I have, and he never came to see me”…I said he wasn’t a go getter, he never has been very involved in the lives of his children. Seeing him in the coffin was the first time she’d ever laid eyes on him. That broke my heart. She and my other sister were left out of the obituary and funeral, that broke my heart, but I was glad they were not there to know that. Tracey the other sister works down from my apt at the gas station and I have seen here countless times over the past several years and never knew she was my sister. She and my full brother Glenn got the short gene from Runt (my “dad”). They also look alike in the face. I sat down and cried for us all last night and prayed that they would come to know our Father in heaven. I prayed that nature would spark their interest in god!! I haven’t yet prayed for what I need to do as far as these new sisters are concerned as well as my other half brother and sister. I hope to get to that point soon. Maybe I am scared of what god will say he wants me to do. Because part of me doesn’t want any part of the family I have spent so much time separating from but part of me loves my sibling so much even though I don’t know them well. You know through out this entire thing most of my feelings have been conflicting and mixed up. It has been so much harder than I ever imagined it would be. I am exhausted and worn down, but I love my god and I am so very thankful for the places he has brought me from and the ways he has healed me and the forgiveness he brought before runt died! I have peace in the things I have done.
I am also so very thankful to my church family! God has put incredible people in my life to pray and love and support me. I am so thankful for you all! It means so very much to me to know people love me enough to pray, and keep me in their thoughts. It touches my heart so much there are no words to describe. I’ve gotten emails, e-cards, phone calls, cards, plants, and so much love and each and every one of those things has affirmed gods love deeper in me. There are just no words to say thank you to all who have supported me. No words. Just know that I am thankful for you and your love and support and definitely your prayers. I am thankful for you all! I love you all!
Friday, April 15, 2005
My calling is sure; my challenge is big; my vision is clear; my desire is strong; my influence is eternal; my impact is critical; my values are solid; my faith is tough; my mission is urgent; my purpose is unmistakable; my direction is forward; my heart is genuine; my strength is supernatural; my reward is promised; and my God is real.
In a wourld of cynicism, I offer hope. In a world of confusion, I offer truth. In a world of immorality, I offer values. In a world of neglect, I offer attention. In a world of abuse, I offer safety. In a world of ridicule, I offer affirmation. In a world of division, I offer reconciliation. In a world of bitterness, I offer forgiveness. In a world of sin, I offer salvation. In a world of hate, I offer God's love.
I refuse to be dismayed, disengaged, disgruntled, discouraged, or distracted. Neither will I look back, stand back, fall back, go back, or sit back. I do not need applause, flattery, adulation, prestige, stature, or veneration. I do not have time for business as usual, mediocre standards, small thinking, outdated methods, normal expectations, average results, ordinary ideas, petty disputes, or low vision. I will not give up, give in, bail out, lie down, turn over, quit or surrender.
I will pray when things look bad. I will pray when things look good. I will move forward when others stand still. I will trust God when obstacles arise. I will work when the task is overwhelming. I will get up when I fall down.
My calling is to reach boys and girls for God. It is too serious to be taken lightly, too urgent to be postponed, too vital to be ignored, too relevant to be overlooked, too significant to be trivialized, too eternal to be fleeting, and too passionate to be quenched.
I know my mission, I know my challenge, I also know my limitations, my weaknesses, my fears, and my problems. And I know my God. Let others get the praise. Let the church get the blessing. Let God get the glory.
I am a minister. I minister to children. This is who I am. This is what I do.
Monday, April 11, 2005
Please don't forget to leave your comments when you read this. It's no fun to have a blog with no comments from your friends!! I love you all!!
Thursday, April 07, 2005
well this could be fun!! I have never had a blog but it seems pretty cool. Seems like a place to just spill whatever thoughts come across your brain and your friends and anyone else who finds you can comment. So here goes...are you scared yet, lol...
Let's see, I am tired of being sick that is for sure, first being sick at stomach and now this whole chest and throat thing. Yuck!! Pray I get well and stay well!!
You know I have been thinking about how incredible God is and you know it might be pretty cool to just share how awesome He is to you and what He has done in you lately!! So leave me a comment and let me know what He's been doing in your life!!
Lately He has just really helped me see how far I have come and that I never want to go back!! Read my testimony on the New Life Women's Website @ www.newlifewomensministry.com under Life Lessons page! Anyway I am thankful for my God, who loves me and provides for me all the things I need and then some!! I am thankful for the family and friends He has given me and for the places He has brought me from and the places He has promised me He will take me!! I love my God!!
I am looking forward to hearing what God is doing in your life!!