Friday, April 22, 2005

My biological father died...

William "Runt" Langston Verbena resident William "Runt" Langston, 51, of Verbena died Saturday, April 16, 2005, in a local hospital. He was born Oct. 14, 1953, in Chilton County.He is survived by his mother, Rosie "Peggy" Dotson; his children, Jeremy, Stacey, William, Glenn and Tabitha; his brother, Roger; his sisters, Betty, Bonnie and Kathy; nieces; nephews; aunts; uncles; and many friends. Service will be today, April 20 at 11 a.m. at Bolton-Letlow Chapel, the Rev. Joe presiding. Burial will follow at New Hope Cemetery in Jemison, Bolton-Letlow Funeral Home directing.

I am better today than yesterday and was better yesterday than the day before. You know seriously I never would have thought this would have affected me so much. I thought I had let go of him along time ago. But I learned that there was still a hope in me that my “dad” would want and love me one day. I mourn the family that never was, the hope my brothers and sisters and I lost, the condition of their lives and his life before he died. I have no peace about where he will spend his eternity. There was no fruit of salvation nor is their fruit of salvation in the rest of the family. I don’t feel like I lost a dad, I have my dad, but I did loose the hope. I met two sisters I didn’t know I had; they also didn’t have their dad love them. I spoke to the oldest Misty at the viewing Tuesday night, she is 32, she said “he knew where I lived, and how many kids I have, and he never came to see me”…I said he wasn’t a go getter, he never has been very involved in the lives of his children. Seeing him in the coffin was the first time she’d ever laid eyes on him. That broke my heart. She and my other sister were left out of the obituary and funeral, that broke my heart, but I was glad they were not there to know that. Tracey the other sister works down from my apt at the gas station and I have seen here countless times over the past several years and never knew she was my sister. She and my full brother Glenn got the short gene from Runt (my “dad”). They also look alike in the face. I sat down and cried for us all last night and prayed that they would come to know our Father in heaven. I prayed that nature would spark their interest in god!! I haven’t yet prayed for what I need to do as far as these new sisters are concerned as well as my other half brother and sister. I hope to get to that point soon. Maybe I am scared of what god will say he wants me to do. Because part of me doesn’t want any part of the family I have spent so much time separating from but part of me loves my sibling so much even though I don’t know them well. You know through out this entire thing most of my feelings have been conflicting and mixed up. It has been so much harder than I ever imagined it would be. I am exhausted and worn down, but I love my god and I am so very thankful for the places he has brought me from and the ways he has healed me and the forgiveness he brought before runt died! I have peace in the things I have done.

I am also so very thankful to my church family! God has put incredible people in my life to pray and love and support me. I am so thankful for you all! It means so very much to me to know people love me enough to pray, and keep me in their thoughts. It touches my heart so much there are no words to describe. I’ve gotten emails, e-cards, phone calls, cards, plants, and so much love and each and every one of those things has affirmed gods love deeper in me. There are just no words to say thank you to all who have supported me. No words. Just know that I am thankful for you and your love and support and definitely your prayers. I am thankful for you all! I love you all!

3 comments:

Amber Sheree said...

Girl I love you so much. God promised us he would be a father to the fatherless. Whether it's a physical dad, or a spiritual parent. I know that God has been my spiritual dad to me and your father. But isn't it amazing how he also gives us (as Boo says it) Jesus with some skin on. I know that you are so greatful for Randy, just as I am Uncle Tim. Not that either one could ever take the place of our real dads because blood is thicker than water, but we know that they love us and have our best spiritual intrest in mind. Isn't it amazing how God places people in our church that not just take care of us, but teach us that things don't have to be the way we grew up. I love you so much, and I am so proud of everything you are and have become. You are stedfast in everything you beleive and you are an amazing woman with a huge impact on others. Thank you for always being there. And for showing me it can be done. See you at Fine arts tonight. Byah

Becky said...

I understand you don't want to have a part or even deal with all that comes with your family. We all have that in some form or fashion. Belive me I have inherited plenty of disfunctional family. But God knew the family he would give you and exactly how you would feel right now just at the thought of God calling you to minister to your family. I don't know what God wants you to do but I know you well enough to know you will be open to it. Think how strong God has built you. You know as well as I when you are up you might as well be on the look out for whats coming up next to challenge us. Gods not going to send something easy to do that can be done on your own. God knows who can reach them or make an impact for someone else to reach them later. You might be that person. Remember one thing. Or this is advice if you will, Don't get discouraged! Think of this as a battlefield and its you and God vs reaching the lives of your entire family. sounds depressing already, lol. But you will plant seeds and make an impact. But you may not see the results of your fruits in all the people your heart longs to reach. But always know you have planted. And if nothing comes of it- know one day you can stand before the Lord and tell him you gave it your all. We cant produce the fruit anyway. Its not up to us. We are just the mail service for the Lord, lol. We get the message and deliver it. Its up to them to open it and read it or consider it junk mail and toss it to the way side. Just keep those thoughts in mind. That is how the devil will discourage you and I wanted to be a reminder and encourager to you. I am very proud of how you dealt with this week. stepping up to bat to deal with your family. Emily Dickinson wrote: "I dwell in possibility" She may not have been referring to God, but as I read that I thought, God is the God of possiblity. We all know the verse of ..with God all things are possible. It gets ran into the ground since I was in childrens church. But having that verse in your heart and being able to stand on it means the devil has no ground. As you dwell in God realize you are dwelling in possiblity. How awesome of a statement is that!!!! It really excites me! Tab, you have learned to love God, who loves you. Who has taught you to love yourself which is huge. Now you get to extend that love to others....and if that means your family than don't be scared or worried. Be excited and on those days you get down know I am here and so is all the other people who love you.

Wendy said...

You are so precious to me and to all those who really get to know you. God will use this all not only to make you stronger in Him, but He will also teach you to use these experiences in your ministry.

Don't give up! I know you are emotionally drained right now, but you have many people who love you who will hold you up so that God can continue to use you.

I love you.