Monday, January 09, 2006

Well...I am sort of in a quiet mood today...just too exhausted to even talk really...my mind is only functioning when it has to which is alot today at work...isnt it funny how quickly we slip in and out of moods...anyway...you know there has been so much going on in me lately...so much work to be done...so much that needs to take place...so many walls I need to tear down...how hard it is sometimes...but never once have I thought it wasnt worth it...several times I have thought of giving up...but not becuase I thought it wasnt worth it...just because I wanted to be lazy and not fight...stupid flesh...stupid sin...stupid stupid EVE...ha ha...but such is life ya know...and we can either choose to fight or choose to quit...if we choose to quit then that's it...there's nothing more...not greener grass on the other side...its too sad to think of quitting...I dont want status quo...I want more...besides I am convinced that it takes alot more energy to run from God than to allow Him to work in your life...so really quitting isnt going to give you the rest you think it is...lets talk about relationships...man do I struggle there...soooo much...I dont think I have a single relationship that doesnt take lots of work and time and effort...why...well becuase it is pretty hard to keep a relationship if you dont put time and effort and work into it...and really could you imagine your life without relationships...I like having friends and family to talk to and share things with...so I think relationships are hard yes...but just as worth is as the fight to be more Christ like...after all isnt that fight a relationship too...its a relationship with God...so yes relationships are hard and take lots of work...but I have decided that they too are worth it...I still have so much to improve upon...so much...I need to be more consistent...need to be more thoughtful...need to learn when to shut up...need to learn to be more selfless...need to take chances more...need to have more grace...need to let go more...FOR SURE...ha...yeah...God is probably the only one who gets that with me...we all need to learn how to include others more...which in all essence should be common sense and common courtesy and just plain polite...but let me tell you...me especially...man I didnt know alot of this stuff...it didnt come natural to me...but I want to learn and that has made all the difference...I learned that clicks suck and they hurt people...I have learned that you can easily include someone simply by opening up a circle of people with your body and not turning your back to someone...I have learned not to talk about doing something that is an exclusive activity in front of someone that cant do the activity or hasnt been invited to do the activity...I have learned that it is okay to do somethings exclusively but you just dont discuss it publicly...it hurts people...I have both hurt others and been hurt by this...I have learned that you have to focus on the person you are talking to and listen to what they are saying...duh I know...but this is especially hard for me being choleric and selfish...I have learned that consistency is probably one of the most important things involved in trusting someone and gaining someones trust...I have learned honesty is always the best policy...I have learned that always answering the phone if you can or always returning a voicemail is highly important...even if you cant talk long...it simply lets somone know that you care enough to acknowledge their taking the time to call and their caring enought to do so...its the least you can do...and probably the hardest thing I am learning is that feelings are not everything...sometimes how you feel means didly squat and you have to rise above and follow through anyway...and have a good attitude while you are following through...oh yes that is a hard one...all these are things I am learning and trying to put into practice...gah...its hard...and I dont do as well with any of them as I would like...I need lots more training and help in this area...but my prayer is that one day it will be natural to me and just come easily to include and love others in this way...I think it is already easier today that it was when I first started learning and trying...willingness to try is the key...willingness to see and to learn and to try and the want to include others is big...it is my prayer for this year...it is one of my goals for this year...I am going to try my very best to not leave anyone out and to try in everyway to make sure others are included in activities and such...for I know the hurt and the pain of being left out and forgotten and cast aside...well I guess that is all for now I need to get back to work...I'll leave you with a verse...Matthew 7:12 "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you..."Father with your help I know I can accomplish these things...I love you and want to draw closer to you this year!!!

1 comment:

neesie said...

Love,

Deep thoughts, higher mountains...
learning to include is such a gift and for many a very difficult/impossible mountain to climb. I am thankful God is working in you in this way. We all need to be includers and lovers of people. God first loved us so we could love. Love involves many things and most of them don't come natural for us. We are too selfish and self seeking. I am thankful that you are open to God and you want to keep trying and growing. There will be many times along the way that you want to give up. I am glad that you can see the grass i not greener on the my way side of life.
I am praying for the walls.
Love you bunches!