I so just needed a safe place to vent. My feeling were just hurt by someone I wouldnt have expected it from. I was laughed at as I walked into a room. Then put down for being freaked out at the thought of being left at work alone at night. Which I think for a woman is a legitimate thing to be freaked out about. I dont think the person intended to hurt my feelings and probably doesnt even know they did. I want so badly to go tell them. But at the same time I guess I need to just let it go. Although I know if they come up to my office I will be hard pressed not to tell them that I did not appreciate what they did and said. Phewy on them. I think I have been hyper sensitive here at work. I am not handling things like I desire to. I seem to loose it quite easily lately. I get stressed out easily. I want to be calm and collected and trust and shine. I have not succeeded in that lately. I really hate that too!! I guess I am not trying hard enough. Father help me today to not allow things to get to me and make me loose my cool. Help me to stay calm and just know that its not big deal and its alright. Help me to be sweet to the one who has hurt my feelings. Help me not to take on this attitude of it has to be this way or else. That is the wrong attitude to have even if it is about being left alone at work. Search my heart today O God and weed out the ugly and replace it with your good. Help me to have your attitude about things and be led by YOUR Spirit. I want to shine for YOU while I am here and be an example of what peace and love is. I need you today and everyday!! I love you and long to be more like you. Help me fulfill the purpose you have called me to here at Summer Classics. I love you with all my heart! I ask these things in Jesus name. Amen!!

Old maid syndrome...ok this post is not going to be as wonderful as the last one sorry...I so have to do some venting before I explode...let me give a disclaimer first...I am slightly in despair...but its nothing that wont pass...I am having a pity moment...and just need to vent...it probably wont be pleasant or really true...lol...ok so another person younger than me just got engaged...last year at Becky's wedding she and I were the two cited to get married next...how 'bout she beat me...and I pretty much knew she would...although she is very much more whole in Christ than I am so it is really quite normal for her to find her prince charming and marry first...but it does not help me feel any less of an old maid...this will be the fourth wedding I will attend of someone that is younger than me...how 'bout that makes me want to be angrier at my mom for not creating a stable environment filled with God so that maybe by now I would have been whole and married...lol...blah blah blah...lol...I am telling you I am screaming on the inside...and how stupid is it that I just walked through the warehouse feeling the most unworthy, ugly, and self conscioncious than I have in a long time...the good thing is, is that I know somewhere deep down this is all completely insane...that someday my prince will come and I will have my moment in the glorious wedding spotlight...but these younger gals marrying off before me really makes me sad, impatient, and so very insecure...and I know because of something that happened the other night I have a very limited amount of people I can really talk to about this...and though that is okay...it makes it HARDER...and I know this is all dumb and I need to rise above and stand in faith...some days are harder than others...and its not that I just have to have a guy or just want to get married...no I want the real thing...and I am willing to wait for it...but my patience has worn thin...and I have struggled for a little while now to get back to the place I was in last summer...before I allowed my world to be shaken and my patience to fly out the window...again whos fault is it...MINE...yuck...and guess what I turned to today to give me comfort...chocolate...like that is going to make me feel any better about myself...with my already growing waisteline...could I please get a break here...although I do have a great new idea for getting myself out to exercise...I got it from the magazine Todays Christian Woman...books on tape...yes I love to read...and once I get in a good book I dont want to put it down...so if I get them on audio and only allow myself to listen while exercising that would give me great incentive to get out and walk at least...I was inspired by the story I read online in the magazine...I hope it works for me...I plan to shop this weekend for the supplies I'll need to get started...got to find a great book on audio to start with and get a portable cd player...yippe...good thing I just got a bonus check in the bank...blah...chocolate...it sure would help if it were good for me...hee hee...it would be greater if it were a weight loss supplement...yipee...on a lighter more happy note...my boss is having twins and she found out today the other baby IS a girl...so she will be having a boy and a girl...how incredible is that...considering this is her once chance to have children and she really wanted one of each...I'd say God is good...and that should be a testament to me to turn back to trusting him and stop bellyaching...I promise to try my hardest...to throw out an excuse...this has been a really crazy, mixed up, hard week...again whos fault...mine...but in my defense it has been a mess...and on top of that I am possibly coming down with strep...yipee...though I feel much better today than I did yesterday...oh today...now there is a whole hilarious stinky story...I thought my cats vet apt was today and it turns out its tomorrow...I just say that...he hates the car, the crate, and being in a new environment...and he cant eat before surgery...you do the math...poor guy...anyway I had better move past my bellyaching to get some invoicing done...as I am the only one here today to do it...my boss had to be kept over night for some tests on her and the babies to chart her progress more closely and get some more information on stuff I really dont have a clue about...pray for her...this is her dream...pray for me and my retartedness...I really need to put my faith back in my Father and stand in peace where I am...please pray...please please pray...anyway I do feel some better...yeah!! And I do know my God is good...no matter how stupid I am...HIS LOVE ENDURES FOREVER!! I am thankful!! Lata Gatas!!

I love Jesus yes I do I love Jesus how 'bout you?!?!?!?

Man this is my year of Victory but someone forgot to make it easy...what's up with that...I am fighting a battle...probably the toughest one yet...major major healing...but I am excited because I know once I beat this I will be stronger, better, more whole than EVER before...its incredible and incredibly exciting...wow I think I just figured out what I am going to talk about at the TOG meeting tonight...yipee...anyway God is moving...He is working...He is doing so much and pulling out so much hurt and damage from my heart...DID I SAY IT HURTS YET...wow...does it ever...let me say that one more again...IT HURTS...but did I also say...I AM EXCITED!!!!...man I AM EXCITED...I really really am...I already feel lighter than before and its only just begun...I cant really give away details because I dont have the words...its just a major healing from my past the things I went through as a child...and let me tell you if you think that the things you went through as a child dont affect you that they are just in the past...whoa...I'll be blunt...you are WRONG...you cant just walk away unscathed from that stuff...you can run and try to hide from it...but its there whether you are willing to accept it or not...and I promise if you face it though it is hard and it hurts...you will feel so incredible afterward...IT IS WORTH IT...SO WORTH IT...anyway that stuff will always affect you until you face it head on and give it to God peice by piece...that is what I have learned...I AM EXCITED...now ask me tomorrow if I am excited and I may tell you a different story...but today I am good...I am ready...I am excited...I am armored up...well anyway I must go because its FRIDAY and I really want to get out of here on time!!! Pray for me, for strength, for wisdom, for courage, for openness, for trust in God, for determination and endurance...to run this race to the finish...GAME ON!! I LOVE JESUS!!!