Tuesday, June 27, 2006

My battle cry - The sword of the Lord and ME!!!

Things are going good with me. I am winning battles and tearing down walls in my heart I did not even really know were there. It’s amazing how much your past can imprison you. But Jesus is my Victory and we are winning. I know this year will be life changing for me if I win the battles set before me. And I am fighting will all my might!! I know a lot of this has to be done before I can take the next step in my life; which is hopefully marriage!!? But we’ll see if that’s the next step or not! I know eventually that will happen but I don’t want it before the right time that is for sure!! Mom and Glenn are responding to me so much better than ever before. I am so thankful!! They are loving me in the small ways that they can and it’s nice that they are even trying. Mom actually seems to care about me again. I feel like I have been a good example to them and that they are learning from me and how I am loving them. And that makes me feel like I am actually doing something for the kingdom and for them. Because for so long I have just felt like I haven’t done anything or been any good for them or shown them God very much. But I feel a bit differently now. I am thankful. And honestly its nice to actually have Mom tell me she loves me without me forcing her to; and to have her ask about me once in a while. It’s been so foreign for so long. So anyway the more I learn to receive the love God has for me the better I am and the more I can love them and my future family. That is the battle I am in now. Learning to open up and fully receive love from God and those He has placed in my life as living examples. It’s super hard but I am fighting for it!! So pray for me. This is possibly the hardest thing I have ever had to face. Even harder than dealing with the sexual abuse from my past, shockingly enough! So my battle cry is - The sword of the Lord and Me!! Together we will win!! Jehovah Nissi - Lord you reign in Victory!! Thank you Jesus!!

2 comments:

neesie said...

You are winning and God is healing you and you are capable now of passing that healing on to your family. Pretty cool the way God works! They have always learned from you. The difference now is that you have so much more health to give. God is in the business of restoration. You have always had a mom that loves you. I am glad that she can now express it. She is beginning to step out of her self and selfishness because you have shown her how. Acutally Bro. David taught on that last night. He said selfishness destroyes not the person who is selfish but the people around them. You are showing her a new way and she is recieving and changing and more capable of reaching out to touch you back. God is faithful... And we are so very thankful! I love you and am proud of you!

Tabbie:) said...

Neesie,
Thanks for being proud of me and for standing int he gap for me and for loving me and for being my Mamma Neesie, for including me in the family. I know it hasnt been easy. But know that I am thankful for everything!! And I love you guys with all my heart! I am so blessed to have two families!! I love you!!