Tuesday, June 27, 2006
My battle cry - The sword of the Lord and ME!!!
Things are going good with me. I am winning battles and tearing down walls in my heart I did not even really know were there. It’s amazing how much your past can imprison you. But Jesus is my Victory and we are winning. I know this year will be life changing for me if I win the battles set before me. And I am fighting will all my might!! I know a lot of this has to be done before I can take the next step in my life; which is hopefully marriage!!? But we’ll see if that’s the next step or not! I know eventually that will happen but I don’t want it before the right time that is for sure!! Mom and Glenn are responding to me so much better than ever before. I am so thankful!! They are loving me in the small ways that they can and it’s nice that they are even trying. Mom actually seems to care about me again. I feel like I have been a good example to them and that they are learning from me and how I am loving them. And that makes me feel like I am actually doing something for the kingdom and for them. Because for so long I have just felt like I haven’t done anything or been any good for them or shown them God very much. But I feel a bit differently now. I am thankful. And honestly its nice to actually have Mom tell me she loves me without me forcing her to; and to have her ask about me once in a while. It’s been so foreign for so long. So anyway the more I learn to receive the love God has for me the better I am and the more I can love them and my future family. That is the battle I am in now. Learning to open up and fully receive love from God and those He has placed in my life as living examples. It’s super hard but I am fighting for it!! So pray for me. This is possibly the hardest thing I have ever had to face. Even harder than dealing with the sexual abuse from my past, shockingly enough! So my battle cry is - The sword of the Lord and Me!! Together we will win!! Jehovah Nissi - Lord you reign in Victory!! Thank you Jesus!!