Thursday, July 06, 2006

Staying on the front lines...

I really hate that my strength seems to disappear so easlily...seems like one day things are great and the next I have relapsed into old habits...habits that I am fighting with all my might to break...makes me angry...but whats the point in being angry...gets me nowhere...owell...I am just going to pick myself back up...dust off and stay on the front lines...ever wonder when...when will I win...when will I be done...sometimes I think I am glad I will never been done cause then where would I be...but in the midst of battle I wonder when will it all be over...I should take a hint...when I am feeling my strongest...I am probably being prepared for battle...I should see it coming by now...sometimes I am so fired up and ready to charge...and sometimes I am so torn down I cant hold my head up...I hate those times...I like feeling strong...I like charging...I dont like being torn down...but it is all part of it...part of growth...through it all...through even the hardest times...when I dont feel like I can hold my head up...when I have fallen yet again...the one thing that remains strong is my love for my Father...it shocked me last night...when I was struggling to worship him...I didnt have the strength to raise my hands to him...but in my heart I was screaming I love you I love you I love you to my Father...it was reverberating from my very depths from my soul I was loving Him...and the amazing thing is He loves me so much more...and I know He is here with me...cheering me on...I just hate to fall down...I hate that I have to regroup and seemingly start over...it makes me want to get discouraged and think I am never going to beat this thing...but I refuse to think like that...I refuse to allow myself to go there and believe that...Jesus is my Victory...and I know He wants me to win even more than I want me to win...so therefore I just have to keep my eyes and ears open...keep seeking deeper and deeper to find the answers and the strength I need to win...I am STAYING on the front lines...I will not run for cover...I will STAND and FIGHT...Jesus is my Refuge and I have no need to run and hide...Jesus I need you today and everyday...thank you for walking beside me and being my Soulmate, my Victory, my Refuge, my EVERYTHING...I need you and I want to fight this battle WITH YOU...I do not want to go it alone...I know that leads nowhere...I need to hear you and listen to you and obey you...help me Holy Spirit...be my Helper always...Father I love you with all my soul...my depths cry out with love for you...I know you have given me that love and I am thankful...thank you for making me strong and determined...thank you for making me who I am...help me to see myself as you see me and not as my eyes would see me...help me to look beyond what is seen to the unseen and hold tight till I can see it...You are my Source of LIFE...I need you to come to my Rescue...You are ever Faithful...and I hope to be more like you every day...help me to keep fighting! In Jesus name I pray...amen. At the front lines I stand. Pray!

2 comments:

neesie said...

I think that you are right. God does prepare you for the battle. He has given you victories to encourage and uplift you. I went back and read the last two comments that you made and God gives you great successes before He allows the fall. But it is only a fall...stand up, brush your knees off, hold your head up high and go forth. You are God's princess. His jewel and prized possession. You are ours too! Treasured beyond understanding.
Love you

Tabbie:) said...

Thanks...I love you!! You are such a rock in my life!!