Tuesday, May 10, 2005

I need a break!

Do you ever just need a break from yourself??? Sounds crazy I know...that is where I am at...I keep looking at the world around me and thinking man I just need a break from all this...but really I need a break from me. The world around me is just as it always is...what has changed then...what makes me feel like I need to get away...ME...my attitude toward those things around me...my behavior...my responses to the things around me...my way of looking at the things around me...I have lost what gentleness I had...which was not alot to start with let me tell you...I feel the yuckiness creeping up on me...maybe it has already been here and I am just now seeing it...Thank you Father for letting me see it...help me to see clearer what in me has changed what in me has turned away from you...You are so faithful...and I am NOT...but you are there being good to me though I am not being faithful to you...why?...I dont think my human mind can ever understand that question...just help me to know that you are faithful even when I dont understand why...help me to recieve your love and forgiveness...without having to know why...Forgive me Father...I have turned away from you in many areas I am seeing...I know there are many more...Forgive me and help me turn back full force and learn from my mistakes and turn away from them...I dont just want to see I want to change...I know it gets better and better every time...I have seen more quickly this time havent I...that is You...that is Your work, not my own...Thank you Lord for the work you are doing in me...for the continual work you are always doing in me...Philippians 1:6 "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."...that is what you are doing in my life...You are so good to me Father...and I am so undeserving of Your goodness, love, and faithfullness...but you still give it freely anyway...Romans 3:23 "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God"...I am not alone...Romans 5:8 "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners Christ died for us."...there is hope...Wow! what and AWESOME Father we have...what wonderful promises to fall back into...I am not hopeless...I am not hated...I am not rejected...I am not perfect...But I am FORGIVEN...I am LOVED...HE IS FAITHFUL...and for that I am thankful!!!...Lord, continue your work in me, continue to open my eyes to see where I have been wrong. Help me correct my wrongs and learn from them. Help me to recieve your forgiveness and love. Help me to continue to be humbled and broken. I am thankful Lord for your faithfulness, forgiveness, and love. You are the love of my life, you are the hope that I cling to. I pray I will continue to see. Help me to see and be open to correction. You are so gentle in your rebuking. Hebrews 12:9-10 "Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers diciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God diciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness." Thank you Father for your dicipline and for your Word that guides me! I love you. In Jesus name! Amen!


Anonymous said...


It sounds like to me you are on a journey that is amazing! When we realize we have no where to turn but to face ourself... that is a great feat... you are on your way to being able to let God take the yuckiness completely! I am so proud of you ! Just keep looking at yourself that is the key! God will give you wisdom! Recognize it as wisdom and kisten to it...through his word and through other people! You are truely a diamond brought out of the rough! I Love you!


Wendy said...

You are growing so much and I think you are just having some "growing pains". You should be encouraged in that. You wouldn't be having these feelings if God wasn't working in you...and that's so exciting! It'll be worth it in the end.

Love you!

Tabbie:) said...

I love you both so much thank you for your comments!! Love you love you love you!!!