So I have had one of the hardest weeks I have had in I cant even tell you how long...
Heart Break after Heart Break
And today I was standing in the back of Children's Church watching these kids that I love so much during worship - we were singing "Becasuse of who You are" and suddenly I re-understood - My praise to God has nothing to do with my situation whether it is good or bad at the time - I praise and worship God because He IS good in EVERY situation - good or bad.
We have so become a society of feelings - I dont feel like doing this or I dont feel that - I dont feel loved, I dont feel safe, I dont feel like I can trust, I dont feel like I should, feel feel feel feel feel - well let me tell you feelings lie and feelings are a major way that the enemy uses us in his destruction. It is not about what we feel it is about the Truth we know.
Truth comes from our loving Heavenly Father. In the words of Barlow Girl at Winter Jam '08 "I believe in love even when I do not feel it, I believe in the Sun even when it is not shinning, and I believe in God even when I cannot hear him."
It is not about us or what we feel it is about truth and doing what God tells us to do. He has written us a book to help us so there is no excuses any more. Not feelings, not lack of knowledge, our only excuse is ourselves.
We allow the lies in our lives to control us and keep us in the same place. We allow the feelings and events that take place to hold us back. Its a choice, we can either allow the lies and the feelings to hold us back or we can actually seek God with all of our hearts and actually devote time to Him and His Word and grow and change no matter how hard and we can actually choose to love and trust even when we have been absolutely CRUSHED over and over and over again.
What if Jesus had decided - nope I have been hurt to much and I cant trust any of these people, so nope I am not going to do what the Heavenly Father created me to do. Nope it hurts too bad and I dont know how and I dont understand why the things that have happened have happened so I am just done. Well wouldnt we all be up the creek. Where would we be? Well where are those going to be that God has planned for us to minister to and be a light to, where are they going to be when we decide it is too hard to change or too hard to trust or too hard to move past the hurt that has been caused to do what God has created us to do? Where are they going to be?
You know what its not about me. We no longer have a choice what we do with our lives. When we give our lives to Christ - who does it belong to? It does not belong to you anymore.
So honestly who cares that my heart was broken and I mean literally shattered multiple times this past week. Who cares how hard I cried or that NOONE saw me when I hurt or that NOONE but one could even help me carry my burden. Who cares that those I love the most hurt me the most. Who cares that the week and everything in it was a struggle and bad thing after bad thing happened that was beyond my control. Who cares that I was exhausted beyond words but still had to give because I have always been the strong one and people can not handle my weakness. Who cares. None of that matters one bit.
I will continue to love and continue to trust and continue to change and grow. I will not allow any of this to hold me back. Because I gave my life to Christ and He has called me to LOVE, to TRUST, to HOPE, to change, to heal and to grow and minister in spite of my self and my circumstance and the condition of my feelings or heart. Christ is not asking us to do anything that He himself has not already done.
It's time to stop making excuses. It's time to stop knowing what needs to be done but not doing it. It's time actually be in love with God instead of this world. Its time to stop allowing our insecurities and issues be our excuses and GROW UP in Christ. Like it cant be done. Come on now. Who are we kidding? NOONE but ourselves. It is time.
COMFORT IS NOT AN OPTION. Who cares if you feel like it or not - make time for Quiet time with the Lord - read His word He spent years writting, pray and ask Him for the things you need, and LISTEN, He has things to tell you. Who cares if it makes you uncomfortable or if you have to give up time on the internet, or with friends, or in front of the TV, or if you have to give up sleep. Who cares.
I will not allow any excuses. I will not allow this past week of hurt and pain to do anything but shove me toward God and change and grow and become more of who He created me to be. You know that everytime you go through something God can teach you something from it.
So how about looking at hardships as getting closer to God and actually looking for the learning in it. You know what life is deep, not shallow. Get out of the shallow. God wants to be in everything. You know what I would even venture to say if you feel super spiritual then you are more than likely on a better path than everything being shallow. God wants to be in everything and be your everything. So I dont care who thinks I am "super spiritual", I would rather be that than shut God out cause that is what the World is comfortable with.
I am not sorry if I said something in this blog that makes you uncomfortable or mad. You might just want to look at and closely examine what did make you uncomfortable or mad. It's probably something you need to work on.
Get up, Get going. ITS TIME TO STOP MAKING EXCUSES. BROKEN HEARTS, PAIN, BROKEN TRUST, FEELINGS - THESE ARE ONLY EXCUSES THAT YOUR ENEMY IS USING TO HOLD YOU BACK - ARE YOU GOING TO ALLOW THAT? ARE YOU GOING TO CONTINUE TO ALLOW THAT?
I AM NOT!
Yes I am exhausted
Yes I am tired of everything in my life being a battle
Yes I am hurt
Yes my heart has been broken
BUT I WILL ALLOW GOD TO GROW ME AND CHANGE ME AND I WILL NOT ALLOW THESE THING TO BE EXCUSES OR TOOLS THAT THEN ENEMY USES.
I cover this blog in Jesus name. Amen!