Thursday, June 23, 2005
Sleep I need real sleep!!
Sleeeeppppp...oh my goodness...I have not been able to sleep good in a while...except for Monday...but I can sleep...I have to take Tylenol PM and I so do not like being dependant on that to help me sleep...aaaaahhhh!!! Anyhoo...so many things have been going through my head lately...but most of all I am just so enjoying the place I am in with God...I feel different than I ever have before...I am completely sold out...my only down fall is that I have got to make more time to spend in His presence and in His word...I am learning and growing so much though...He has given me so much love for people...all people...I am so excited about it...but I still make mistakes everyday...I hate that...I had to eat crow yesterday but you know what I am cool with that...I was ugly to someone and I went directly and apologized...that is totally new for me...previously I would not have apologized...you see I said truth but it was the manner in which I said it and the fact that who am I to tell that person that...but previously I would not have apologized I would have given that person looks every time I saw them to drive my point in more...so it was growth for me...I am excited by it...not that eating crow is fun...ever...but...it is humbling, and makes you think twice about doing it again...so anyway I am just super excited about where God has brought me and where He is taking me...I tried the other day to explain to a coworker the promises God has given me...but I dont know if I did a good job of explaining...but she asked "what if you dont get married"...I said, but I will..."how do you know" she said...I said "God told me I would and He's not going to tell me something and not do it"...she was like yeah I guess real quietly...but it was cool because I believe that with all my heart...I do not doubt the things God has told me...in fact I am pretty excited about the promises He has made to me...I cant wait to see them come to pass...He is awesome and He has a plan for my life...I mean wow...how incredibly awesome is that...the creator of this universe has a plan for me...I am excited...I know that He wants to use me to minister to all kinds of people...my calling is children and I cry when I think of that, but I know He also wants to use me to minister to people of all ages...anyway words just dont seem to be enough to describe all He is doing and planning and preparing...I feel like my heart could explode though, with love, joy and excitement...like I want nothing but to minister in any way God wants to use me...I am not struggling here at work really anymore but like I know that on the whole in the grand scheme of things paper pushing is not what its about...its about loving people...so ocassionally like yesterday it is hard to just sit at my desk and "push papers" instead of love people...I definatley had trouble controlling my visiting yesterday...but its okay...I want to love people not push papers...I am just ready to minister full time...I am ready to get up in the morning and focus on how I can minister to others...its like I would so do that here but I have to sit at this stupid desk and do stuff instead...but I like this new position I have becuase I am productive and I feel like I actually earn my paycheck now...anyway so many things going on in me right now...oh and I am so excited about the cruise with my family coming up...wow...I can not wait...I realized yesterday that I am going to experience thing God created for the first time...I have never been to another country, I have never been on a cruise, I have never been on a boat in the ocean, I have never done this or that and I am going to be so excited, and then I realized how happy that is going to make God who created all this beauty for us to enjoy...I can not wait to sit out on the deck and night and just get lost in His sky with my family He has given me, I can not wait to see a new country and see beautiful beaches, to see and endless ocean, I can not wait to dress up for a fancy dinner, I could go on and on but I'll stop...I am just excited and I can not wait for the God time and the family time...I am expecting it to be incredible!!! Well I could write and write today I have so much spilling out but I need to get some work done so I'd better go...lata...pressing on!!