God is Awesome!

Hey guys it's Wednesday...hump day...the middle of the week...that means only two more days until a three day weekend...how awesome is that!!! Woohoo!! I am so going to sleep as much as possible of course...actually I think I have a pretty full weekend planned as usual and then I just found out today that I am going to Huntsville next week...I am going to be working my hiney off doing some inventory...let me tell you this is like doing an inventory on J & J Junk store except the junk happens to come from England and France and stuff and of course some high end patio furniture like Summer Classics...anyway I went to Jen & Jason's and hung out last night...I just love them to death...they are so real and down to earth...its like you can just be who you are and its okay...I love hanging with them...not to mention their awesome kids...they have the most beautiful kids in the world and they are super fun...but we talked until late(I felt bad cause Jason had to get up early this morning) but it was so great...we talked about some really deep things but it was great and I loved it...I am thankful that they moved back here for sure...and they live right down the road from me and that is awesome too...today has been a good day so far...I got all my invoicing done and went to lunch with David and Anita at our new Huddle House in Montevallo...good stuff...though my order wasn't exactly right...it was still good stuff...I am hoping that since we are so close to our goal for this month I wont have to work late and I can get to the church early and have my quiet time in the sanctuary like I was getting before...I enjoyed that sooooo much...we shall see how the afternoon progresses I guess...let me just tell you God is awesome...I am so just not believing where I am at now as compared to where I came from...God is good yall(that sounded country I know-but who cares I just am who I am and who I am is ok!)...I am thankful for where I have come to in my life that I am now okay without having to be dating a guy...though many people dont get that about me because people are constantly trying to set me up(yes I hate that so much!!)...but for the first time in my life I am complete just being me...without a guy, without money, without drugs or alcohol...just me and God...I think it is the most awesome place to be...I am thankful...I did not get here alone...no no no...there is no way I could have gotten here without my Lord and Savior Jesus...no way...so I am thankful to my God...my Provider...my Victory...my Peace...my Father...my Best Friend...my Strength...my Encourager...my All In All...my King...my Future!!! Well I had better go so I can try to stay ahead of the game today and get to church early...Pressing On...Philippians 3:12 "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me."

Thankful, grateful, humbled

I am thankful...thankful that God is looking out for me instead of me looking out for myself...I am thankful for all He has given me...but today I am most thankful for the family He has brought to me and me to them...it is cool to see how He knew I needed them and they needed me...it is cool to see where I fit and how we help each other to grow...I am thankful that they love me when I am hard to love and when I mess up and when I cant get through my mess to show them I really do love them...I am thankful they never give up on me, no matter how ugly I am or how cold I am...they always welcome me and love me no matter what...I am thankful that I know they will never turn away from me, even when times get hard, we are family, as in if I were born there, it doesnt matter that I wasnt...I am thankful that God is in control and not me or them...I am thankful for the ways God has intertwined us all together...there is not one person in the family that doesnt feel like I am not family not even Mamaw anymore...I know that there are many who dont and wont understand but they dont have to...it already is what it is...family...and that even goes beyond ministry...it is deeper...it started out as ministry but God had a bigger plan than that...I am thankful...I am just thankful...because of them I am able to love my family I was born into more and better...I think we are all learning and growing together and that is so incredible...it is not always easy...in fact it has been some of the hardest learnings and growth of my life...but that is okay too because they love me and support me there...I have never experienced family like this...and because of it I am able to give that kind of love and support to my family and when I get married that family will benefit greatly from the things I have experienced, learned, and the places I have grown...I know that growth would not have come had it not been for this family God has ordained...I am thankful, grateful, and humbled!!! Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God."

on to something...

I have this overwhelming feeling right now...that I am on to something so big...I dont know...its like when you want more of God...and you dont know how to get there...I think I get it...it's like when you are courting or dating and you are scared of what you think the relationship might be or could be...you dont want to let your mind go there becuase its just too good to be true surely this cant be the one surely this cant be it...and when you come to that moment when you are tired of denying you are tired of fighting against it and you just release it and finally go ok this is it this is the one and you open up to that...that is exactly what it is like with God...we think oh no this is too good to be true and we deny and fight against...but its like when you get to that point when you can just release it and open up God can flood your soul like never before...that is what is happening with me...I have been in a courtship with God...and I keep wanting more of Him...but I think how, how do I get there how do I do it...and I have just come to the point where I have just realized this is it...and all I have to do is open the door...like I have this image in my mind of just opeing a door and this beautiful wind comes in...like the Aurua whatever in Alaska in the sky that is what the wind looks like...but its like all it takes is just to stop, release all the questioning, doubting, analyzing, just stop and open that door and let God's beautiful wind flood your soul...I know this all sounds like crazy ramblings but I just got it this morning...it just clicked in my brain...I just saw this picture of just finally letting go and opening up and boom...it really is that simple, but its so hard for us to do...I just wish I had better words to describe...Psalm 46:10 helps..."Be still, and know that I am God"...it's not too good to be true...it is good...IT IS TRUE...He wants to flood our soul with love and healing and He wants us to be whole...He created us to be whole, and sin and this world take piece after piece from us...it doesnt matter what it is that is taking pieces from you He can give back those pieces then some...He has done that in me...I have finally allowed it...I know there is more to come...but I have finally opened up...and it's like a beautiful wind...a wind that brings, LOVE, HEALING, WHOLENESS, JOY BEYOND, AND COMPLETENESS!!!

Sleep I need real sleep!!

Sleeeeppppp...oh my goodness...I have not been able to sleep good in a while...except for Monday...but I can sleep...I have to take Tylenol PM and I so do not like being dependant on that to help me sleep...aaaaahhhh!!! Anyhoo...so many things have been going through my head lately...but most of all I am just so enjoying the place I am in with God...I feel different than I ever have before...I am completely sold out...my only down fall is that I have got to make more time to spend in His presence and in His word...I am learning and growing so much though...He has given me so much love for people...all people...I am so excited about it...but I still make mistakes everyday...I hate that...I had to eat crow yesterday but you know what I am cool with that...I was ugly to someone and I went directly and apologized...that is totally new for me...previously I would not have apologized...you see I said truth but it was the manner in which I said it and the fact that who am I to tell that person that...but previously I would not have apologized I would have given that person looks every time I saw them to drive my point in more...so it was growth for me...I am excited by it...not that eating crow is fun...ever...but...it is humbling, and makes you think twice about doing it again...so anyway I am just super excited about where God has brought me and where He is taking me...I tried the other day to explain to a coworker the promises God has given me...but I dont know if I did a good job of explaining...but she asked "what if you dont get married"...I said, but I will..."how do you know" she said...I said "God told me I would and He's not going to tell me something and not do it"...she was like yeah I guess real quietly...but it was cool because I believe that with all my heart...I do not doubt the things God has told me...in fact I am pretty excited about the promises He has made to me...I cant wait to see them come to pass...He is awesome and He has a plan for my life...I mean wow...how incredibly awesome is that...the creator of this universe has a plan for me...I am excited...I know that He wants to use me to minister to all kinds of people...my calling is children and I cry when I think of that, but I know He also wants to use me to minister to people of all ages...anyway words just dont seem to be enough to describe all He is doing and planning and preparing...I feel like my heart could explode though, with love, joy and excitement...like I want nothing but to minister in any way God wants to use me...I am not struggling here at work really anymore but like I know that on the whole in the grand scheme of things paper pushing is not what its about...its about loving people...so ocassionally like yesterday it is hard to just sit at my desk and "push papers" instead of love people...I definatley had trouble controlling my visiting yesterday...but its okay...I want to love people not push papers...I am just ready to minister full time...I am ready to get up in the morning and focus on how I can minister to others...its like I would so do that here but I have to sit at this stupid desk and do stuff instead...but I like this new position I have becuase I am productive and I feel like I actually earn my paycheck now...anyway so many things going on in me right now...oh and I am so excited about the cruise with my family coming up...wow...I can not wait...I realized yesterday that I am going to experience thing God created for the first time...I have never been to another country, I have never been on a cruise, I have never been on a boat in the ocean, I have never done this or that and I am going to be so excited, and then I realized how happy that is going to make God who created all this beauty for us to enjoy...I can not wait to sit out on the deck and night and just get lost in His sky with my family He has given me, I can not wait to see a new country and see beautiful beaches, to see and endless ocean, I can not wait to dress up for a fancy dinner, I could go on and on but I'll stop...I am just excited and I can not wait for the God time and the family time...I am expecting it to be incredible!!! Well I could write and write today I have so much spilling out but I need to get some work done so I'd better go...lata...pressing on!!

Okay so I went home yesterday and went almost straight to bed, let's just say I was snoozing by 8:00pm...which is highly unsual for me...but oh so needed...tonight I was pretty much planning to do the same thing but then I remembered we have Life Prayer at church and I absolutely do not want to miss it...it was pretty incredible last time...what God kept putting on my heart to pray about PT mentioned later that God kept putting that same thing on his heart to pray about and who knows who else God had praying for it too...that was so awesome to me because I didnt understand why I kept praying for that, not that I had to understand...but we sort of had guidelines and it wasnt in the guidelines...anyway it was just too cool...I am excited about it...I love being at church so much...I wish we had it all the time...well today was an alright day...since I had rested it was much better than yesterday...though this morning little things kept distracting me and I thought I was going to be behind but I did not end up being behind...so that was great...and this afternoon was slow and I got to just relax some which is unusual for this new position I'm in...the guys are still shipping though but I dont have to work late because the lady that prints invoices left at 5:00 so I can go too...woohoo...I am going to stay a little longer though so I dont have so much to do in the morning...that is going to put my day way behind and tomorrow is my day I leave on time because I am so not missing church...so I think the rest of this week is going to be very busy...but hey I am rested and tonight I'll be spending some awesome time with my Jesus so it's all good...nothing I can't handle...I love when I can just spend time with Jesus...I need to do it soooo much more often...and we didnt have service Sunday night...which makes me so sad, Sunday night services are so awesome...not to mention it is the only service I get becuase I am in Children's Church on Sunday mornings(not a chance of giving that up ever!) and I help teach a STARS class on Wednesday night(not giving that up either!)so Sunday nights are my everything its where I get fed...but its okay...we had some good family time Sunday and had a great time swimming and playing in the pool...I bought my Dad some really great swim trunks cause we are going on a cruise the end of July...they are much louder than he would like but they are perfect for him really...I think they look great and will be just right for the ship...it was so much fun getting them for him and watching his face when he got them...bless his heart...he'll have to get used to having a daughter...you see they havent always had me they sort of adopted me...well they probably would have for real had I not already been over 18 and didnt have my awesome mom...but they are amazing to me and we are family...God just blessed me with two families instead of just one...He's awesome like that...anyway we are going on a crusie to Cozumel the last week of July...I am super excited...I am praying for some really awesome family time...some really meaningful moments...and of course some wonderfully fun moments...I can not wait...I am so excited...will be my first real vacation...I usually only use my vacation for doing ministry which I love but this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for me and I wouldnt miss it for the world...I am still hoping to be able to do all the ministry trips I usually get to do...I will miss the kids crusade to Luverne it is the week I'll be on the cruise and I am so sad about that because I have been waiting to go back there because that was my first ever kids crusade and I have been asking PT about it for a year now...anyway we have Kentucky in September that I am praying that I get to go on...it is a whole week and I am not sure that work is going to let me go...I am sort of running out for time I can take off...but I am hoping beyond hope that somehow I get to go anyway...we shall see...if you read this pray for that...well I guess I am about to get out of here...nothing real deep to chat about right now...I love my Lord and Savior more than anything or anyone...hasta luego!

Exhausted!!

I think I have found a new level of exhaustion and it's noone's fault but my own...my entire body hurt mind and all from being so tired...I desperately need to rest...I had a jam packed fun weekend though to my detrement...Friday went to the movies, saw Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, it was a great movie, I cried the whole last hour of it I think...Saturday went to Sixflags, rode the Superman, Georgia Scorcher, Batman, & runaway mine train(ouch)...had entirely too much junk, only I didnt get dip n dots...owell less calories...and Sunday did Children's Church that morning and Father's Day lunch and then went and swam for several hours...it was an exhausting weekend, especially right after coming back from two weeks of camp and a week of not sleeping well...so I am definately needing to slow down and spend some time resting...I am praying for that this week...I so missed having church last night...man do I hate when we dont have church on Sunday nights...well anyway I really dont have alot to say, it seems like this is nothing but bellyaching...yuck who really wants to read that, lol...there is alot going on but none of it I can share right now...well I had really better get back to work...always lots to do and so little time to do it in...I am thankful for my job though and that I stay busy and it makes my day fly by...hasta luego!

Trust Me - Crystal Lewis

This song always helps me when I want to run or when I am scare of the places God wants me to go or let Him go or scare of the things He wants to do in me...I thought I would share it...it has helped me through some very hard times and helped me to see that I may not understand and I may be scared but God has gone before me and He knows what He is doing and I CAN TRUST HIM...anyway thought I would share...it is by Crystal Lewis.

Close your eyes
Take a step
It's okay, I know where we're going
Don't fret
I've been before
Through these valleys
Down these long and dangerous roads
Yet dark as they seem

[chorus]
Trust me
Though you can't see
You can trust me
The way may be steep
You can trust me
Let me lead
Trust me

Open your eyes
But don't let go of my hand
Let your tears give way to smiles
See the joy inside your trial
Don't worry
You're safe with me around
Rest assured I'm on your side
I won't let you hit the ground
Close as it seems

[chorus]
Trust me
Though you can't see
You can trust me
The way may be steep
You can trust me
Let me lead
Trust me

See I know that what's in front of you isn't always clear
But you must believe it in your heart that I'm here
I am here, oh

[chorus]
Trust me
Though you can't see
You can trust me
The way may be steep
You can trust me
Let me lead
Trust me

Busy busy!

Work has been busy busy which has been good helps my day go by super fast...I am thankful for that...I am excited about church tonight...I can't wait to get there...I am coming expecting...I am expecting an awesome STARS class tonight...I am looking forward to being with the girls and listening to them and talking to them and sharing Jesus with them...I am just looking forward to it...WOW...I feel like I have grown so much these past two weeks...I am so thankful...I am so excited about what God is doing in me...I am excited that I am finally allowing Him to work in the way He is...I am craving His presence like never before and I love it...I just want to be in His presence worshiping and praising Him all the time...He is AWESOME!!!...I am thankful just so thankful...well I guess no a whole lot to share but I wanted to write some...I can't wait to see the future God has planned for me...it is so exciting to think about...so cool to wonder about...it is hard to stay focused sometimes for thinking about it...but I know that I just want to not let myself get in the way of His plans...I hope I can do that!!...well I guess I had better go and get back to work lots to do...I feel like I will never catch up!!! But that is okay...bye I will see you all tonight...I love you Jesus...oh oh oh wait I have to share something really quick...there was this guy that I knew from highschool that started working here the week before I left to go on vacation which was last week...he used to harrass me all the time in high school...always saying vulgar things, derrogatory things, nasty things, he ran drugs and treats the girls that were with him horribly like something he owned...needless to say I did not like him at all...prolly hated him...so he starts working here and I was out in the warehouse doing my job that I now have to do and I see him staring at me which make me so very uncomfortable...eeewwww...anyway I decided I was going to be nice to him anyway...because in high school I definately was not nice...I have a mouth on me we'll just say that...well anyway he said hi I said hi and then he said something nasty...I bit my lip and just kept about my task...but I told the warehouse manager that I was not going to put up with that and so forth...when I got back to my desk I was shaking because I was very scared of this guy...to me it would not be a stretch for him to be violent...well I was told and prayed that it would be handled when I got back from vacation...when I came back I was not scared anymore...because I know that nothing happens without God's approval...but I still was not going to put up with him speaking or treating me with disrespect or any of the other ladies around here...well to make a much longer story shorter...today he quit...I was so excited because I feel so much better having to go out into the warehouse now...I can go out and know I am not going to be looked at inappropriately or have to worry about anyone saying disgusting things to me...so anyway I wanted to share that...I thank Jesus for him quiting...most definately!!! I am thankful that I didnt not say anything ugly to him...I know he saw the change in me...that is cool to me...I know that people from my past can take one look at me without me even having to talk really and know that I am a changed person...changed for the better...awesome...totally God...it is all in the way I carry myself and the light that shines from me...it is Jesus...ALL Jesus!!! I love that!! Well I will go now for real and get my work done!! With much love!!

Being Crushed!

I am taking some time to update because if I keep waiting it wont happen, lol...

Camp...as most know I have been at kids camp for the past two weeks...words can not describe...God's presence is so strong there...watching God move in the children was more than incredible...I know lives were changed...I know chains were broken and hearts were filled...I know that kids experienced His love for them, some for the very first time...to be able to be a part of some so incredible is beyond words for me...I did however come to the realization that not all the adults were there at the camp because they have the passion for kids like I do...I know I was niave for thinking that...PT asked me to be dean of the lodges and through that I learned that alot of the adults are not there for the children...wow...it was a huge understanding for me and one that made me mad almost every day...but I think I did well with the adults and with my attitude for the most part...I know my eyes have been opened so much by it and I learned from it and grew out of it...it was a good experience for me definately...God not only worked incredibly in the children these past two weeks but He worked heavily on me...CRUSHING is what I would call it...I had several different people pray some of the same things over me...things I needed to hear and know...it was incredible...I am thankful I was able to be open to what God wanted to do...I remember one night I just lay down on my face in the floor and I cried off 20 years of hurt, rejection and people walking out on me...it was a cleansing that I am sure God has been trying to do for a long long time now...I needed it...God spoke so much into my life...He spoke to me about my husband, patience, and ministry...I am very excited about the things I fought through and allowed Him to do in me...and I am very excited about the things He promised me...I know that somethings are about to take place and I am beside myself with excitement...I know that I for the first time in my life I desire soley what He wants for me...I have total faith that He has what is best and I hope I can stand here forever...I do not want to settle and I do not want to rush...I am perfectly content to wait on Him...I have such peace right now about my future...the things that were prayed over me aligned with what I have been feeling and it is so amazing when that happens...and it was more than one person who prayed it over me...I mean I have no doubts and I know that the things God told me will come...I am just super excited...I did not want to come back from camp...well let me rephrase that...I wanted to come home and be at my house and in my bed and in my space...my clean space...but I did not want to come back to a secular job...but at the same time I know God has me here for this time for a reason and I am okay here until God brings about the fulltime ministry He has planned for my life...oh wow...I am just so ready and excited...well that is what has been going on in me in a nut shell...seriously a nut shell...thank you to all my wonderful family and friends who pray for me and who love me and who listen to me...you will never know how much you mean to me...I thank God for you all!! Let me tell you if you do not have a relationship with the creator...YOU ARE MISSING OUT...dont miss out any longer...JESUS IS ONLY A PRAYER AWAY...peace out!!

I need to update badly-until I get time here are lyrics to a cool song that came out when I graduated-its has truth in it some parts I disagree with.

The Sunscreen Song

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99
Wear Sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering experience…
I will dispense this advice, now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth;
oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself, and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked….
You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind;
the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don’t waste your time on jealousy;
sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind; the race is long,
and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults;
if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…
the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives,
some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t,
maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t,
maybe you’ll divorce at 40,
maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…
what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much
or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance,
so are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can,
don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it,
it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own..

Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings, their your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get,
the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard;
live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander,
you too will get old and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young
prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you.
Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse;
but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal,
wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…

I love camp!

Ok it's official...camp is the best place on earth...you got good food, good fun, and lots of God...you just can't beat that combination...not to mention great people...I have to admit though I am exhausted, pooped, and sleepy as ever...getting up super early to drive to work after staying up super late has a way of wearing you down...but tomorrow is Friday and when 3:50 pm hits my weekend starts and I plan to somehow catch up on my sleep...pray for me there...ha...only an hour and a half left before I get to go back to camp...woohoo...I think I am doing a gorilla tonight too...learned a new dance...was pretty proud of that because I am a horrible dancer...but hey who cares...I let the devil get to me yesterday and shake me I am not letting him today...I dont care if I sound horrible singing tonight, or if I fall flat on my face, or if I dance horibbly, I am going to do it unto the Lord anyway and let Him take care of it...under my feet Satan...I am doing this for Jesus...ha...I hope tonight is as deep as last night at the altar time...wow...it was incredible...and the same group of wonderful girls that hugged on me the night before last night came to me again and we all hugged on each other...I got their names this time...Charmin(yes like the toilet paper-she does the cha cha dance too), Akaysha, Rachel, and Megan...they are the most precious girls ever...I love them so much...they are so sweet and wonderful and beautiful...kids were filled with the Spirit last night and it was music to my ears...we had kids still in the altar long after most went to the Rec building...how awesome is that...I love it...God did a work in me last night as well...or at least He is beginning...I know it is not finished yet...only getting started really...kind of scary but here I go anyway...trusting my Lord...not an easy task for me...well guess I need to go and get back to work so I can leave and head to camp...woohoo...I am going the interstate again today cause it was faster even in the rain...I am hoping it will be even faster today...I need a shower to wake me up before service...I am dozing at my desk...I actually went looking for a spot to take a cat nap but could not find one...darn...guess that is for the better...I may not have woke up...well away I go...much love!

A touch from Heaven!!

Oh wow, another great, wonderful, awesome night at camp...I got a touch from heaven!!! We had to cut some things from the outline because a missionary spoke a lot to long but hey it's all good. All we really had to cut was a song and the black light puppets. It was still an incredible service. The gorillas did an excellent job...way to go Katie, Kara, and Mary!! Rabbit was hilarious of course, he was a little tough on PT and his bubble shirts!!! But it was too funny!!! Miss Honey Dew Flower Pot came and she was so funny and sweet!! And clutzik came he is always hilarious with his great, failing experiments...then spiritman and fleshman came, wow...heehee cracks me up to see Daniel in a huge diaper with a passy and Andy with uneven baloons stuffed in his jogging suit!! Ha! It was awesome!! Kellie helped us with the game but we only got to play once!!! On to the best part of all...altar time...oh wow...God allowed me to pray with several kids who asked Jesus into their heart for the very first time...oh wow...I hope I prayed with them correctly...but how awesome is that...kids started a brand new life last night!! I mean wow...and then toward the end when we were worshipping they told the kids to find an adult and lay hands on them an pray...oh wow...that was a touch from heaven...I had several girls just surround me and pray for me...and even when others were leaving they were still there with their arms wrapped around me...I was blown away...most of the kids and adults were gone to the rec hall and these girls were standing their with their sweet arms wrapped around me and my arms around them...I dont know if it for their benefit or for mine...but I was hugging them and loving them with everything in me and they were doing the same for me...wow it was such a wonderful moment...I am telling you children are the most precious things God ever created!! I can not wait to get back there tonight...it is killing me having to be here at work...I want to be there cleaning up back stage and getting ready for tonight and hanging with the kids...but I will survive...I have had such a good time with all the workers too...it really has just been the best week...I cant wait to see what tonight brings and inner city camp is this weekend...whoa...it always touches my heart because those kids are hurting and need so much love and I just want to give it to them...wow thank you Jesus for allowing me to be apart of tell children of Your awesome love...I am so thankful and humbled...I can not wait until this is my fulltime job!! Well I had better get back to work, lots to do and I want to leave a few minutes earlier than I did yesterday...I am going to try to go interstate to camp today and pray the traffic doesnt put me behind but it took me and hour and 40 minutes to go the back way yesterday...too long, lol...I wish I could just be beamed there...beam me up Scotty J...ha! Camp is so awesome!!!

My favorite place to be...in the presence of God!

Wow, last night at camp was so awesome!!! It is incredible to know that kids lives were changed. I am so excited about what God has done and is going to do this week. To know that not a single child is at camp by accident, it was ordained by God and He is going to do amazing things in their life this week!! I am just so thankful to be a small part of it, to be able to share His love and tell the kids how much He loves them and how precious they are to Him. Wow! There is no greater joy, not greater purpose!! I am just so thankful!! I think the whole service was awesome last night...from the botched attitude check to the altar call...AWESOME!!! Though it was as hot at Hades in there it was so incredible!! I can not wait to see what God is going to do tonight!! Kids are so precious! Thank you Father for this opportunity to be a part of Your work! I am humbled and thankful!!
I had better get to work so I can leave early to get back to camp!!

Hi,
just thought I would update my blog...nothing in particular to say. Work has been crazy busy lately...I now do invoicing along with all my other stuff...it makes my day super busy but also makes it go by super fast. I am on right now because we have been having power surges and our system is down for a bit and I am sort of on lunch, though I have already finished my SmartOnes meal. I am not going out for lunch today...just too much to do...so as soon as I get done keying this I am back to work. I hope my queries run better when I go back to run them...that is so frustrating to me...to be waiting on information and it takes forever...lately God has been speaking to me about changes and the fruits of the spirit...and it really seems like everywhere I turn I am hearing about it...kind of cool to me...Sunday night I was at the altar seeking God and sort of in despair about my personality and the flaws it contains...but God sent a word to me and told me that He has planted many seeds and the fruits are there it just takes time for them to grow...that I am okay and He is proud of the way I seek Him...I so needed to hear that...I absolutely love when God speaks to me...I am thankful that He speaks often and I am sure He would speak more often if I would only slow down enough to listen to Him. I am so in love with my God...I am so excited about the places He is taking me too...I can not wait to unfold the future He has written for me...because I know that He has chosen all the very best things for me...it is exciting...I can not wait to meet my husband and to see where He leads us in ministry...I know I have alot of learning and growing to do...but I am okay with that...God is really gentle in His showing me what I need to change and work on...and He always supplies what I need to get where He wants me to go...I am telling you we could not have a more wonderful Father in heaven...He loves us so much more than our human minds can ever comprehend...it is truly incredible...I can't even imagine what it would be like to really grab hold of how much He loves us...I am so thankful for His love...I hope to realize more and more His love for me as I grow and learn and draw closer to Him...Camp is coming up so soon, but not quite soon enough...oh wow...camp is so awesome...I love it so much...kids lives are changed...I never had that opportunity when I was growing up to experience God like these kids get to...infact the first week of camp started yesterday...last night God did a mighty work in kids lives...wow...I love to think about that...there is nothing more incredible than to see a child worshiping God and seeking Him...and camp has such an incredible atmosphere...I know we can have that atmosphere anywhere...it is like you so come expecting such wonderful things to happen and God never ever disappoints...I wish I could be there tonight...my life was changed at kids camp last year...I dont think I'll ever forget it...it touched me so much the way the workers surrounded me in prayer when I was seeking the baptisim of the Holy Spirit...I really dont think I'll ever forget the way God used those guys to touch my life and the way God touched my life...now I walk in the freedom of the Holy Spirit and the guidance...God is so good and he is a promise keeper...He is the Promise Keeper...I am so thankful that I am afforded the opportunity to be apart of camp...I can not wait for Sunday to get here when we get there and start setting up...and it all begins...wow...I am so excited...kids are my passion...I am excited to see kids learn about God and how much He loves them...I know it will impact the whole rest of their lives...knowing someone loves you like that...how could it not impact your life...I know that there is no better foundation to give a child than to teach them the love of Jesus and what it means to love Him back...Thank You my Lord Jesus for giving me that opportunity to spend the rest of my life telling children how much You love them and how they can love You in return...wow...I could not imagine a better way to serve in what little time we have on this earth...I love you Father...I am so thankful for the many opportunities you give me...I hope I never ever take it forgranted...Thank You for awesome children's Pastors -PT and Marcie-who teach me so much about sharing your love with children and who just teach me so much in all the different areas of my life...my life is changed because You brought them into my life and I am so thankful for them...well I guess I have gone on enough, I could give thanks all day...I need to get back to work and get all this stuff done...Much Love!

I believe in growing PAINS!!

Guess I never thought much about it before...hearing someone say someone is having growing pains always sound kind of ridiculous to me...but oh wow...that was a growing pain to realizing that...I am excited about growing...growing in God, growing up, growing in relationships...but sometimes it hurts more than expected...but I just know it's worth it...I feel so close to God at this point in my life...it is so incredible to feel this close to Him...the awesome thing about it though is that there is so much more...I can get even closer...I have not gotten here though with out many many many growing pains...some hurt so bad I wanted to run away and never come back...but I didnt and I am glad I didnt...I hope I never run from the hard...I have so much faith in my God right now...it's in that way that I feel I have taken the next step in my walk with God...having faith...I only hope I dont allow myslef to get knocked back down...I want to stay here and move up...I am so in love with my God...I absolutley can not imagine my life without Him...I cant imagine my life without the plans He has for me...how extremly sad that would be...it would just be so dark and miserable...funny how I lived there for 20 years...I dont know how I survived...I know I could never go back...I absolutely would not survive...I am so thankful for all my growth...and I know that it was not in vain...I know that every part of it taught me something...Romans 5:3-5 "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverane, character; and character hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." This is the verse I survive off of...God's promise that it is all for a reason...He is teaching, He is growing us up, and when we are standing beside Him on streets of gold we'll know just how worth it, it was...I can not wait to see what He has for me next...oh it's crazy I know...I know it wont be easy...it takes alot to get things through my think flesh...most things that come easy aren't what we want or need anyway...only we find that out when it is too late...God is worth fighting for, love is worth fighting for, relationships are worth fighting for, people are worth fighting for, I am worth fighting for, You are worth fighting for...Jesus already paid the price...so we can live, so we can love, so we can fight...did he die for nothing?

Arg!! Dieting Stinks!

Hey guys...nothing real deep to say today...I started back on my diet yesterday...this week will be the hardest because I will have to get used to not eating as much and keeping up with everything I eat...fun stuff huh...NO!!! But I am rapidly growing out of my clothes and that is not a good thing!! Especially since camp is right around the corner and I have no idea what I am packing because I can only fit in my jeans. My shorts are so tight, lol. Anyway wish me luck...I am hoping that if I do well with the diet in two weeks I'll be able to fit in my shorts, I could be hoping for too much but we shall see. I did not get to exercise yesterday afterwork but I am shooting for today. We shall see. I definately need God to help me with my motivation and doing it!! I really hate having to always worry about my weight. I have had to deal with it since I was 13...so not fun because I was normal size up until then and then I was the fat kid. Since then I have had more weight that I needed!! Except when I was in high school, my friends and I got on an gym kick and we went to the gym alllllll the time and wow boy...that was the smallest I have been I was a size 8...I want to be a size 8 again...I think I would appreciate it much more this time. I know I did not appreciate it then at all...I still thought I was fat. I was crazy...do we ever get to the point were we are okay with our selves? I am not sure I have met anyone ever in my life that like everything about themselves. Crazy if you think about it...we are sort of trashing what God created...but I know mine is that I am too lazy to stay on a regular diet and exercise plan that is just healthy anyway. Pure laziness...but if you grow up know that exercise is just part of life to keep you healthy and grow up eating like we should then it is no big deal. That is how I want my kids to grow up. I want to get a handle on myself now so that the habits I pass on to my kids are good and they do not have this struggle like I do. I want healthy eating and exercise to be apart of their life so that it is not an issue at all. Well I guess I have rambled on about diet and exercise enough!! I need to get back to work and get lots done today!! Love you all bye!

I need a break!

Do you ever just need a break from yourself??? Sounds crazy I know...that is where I am at...I keep looking at the world around me and thinking man I just need a break from all this...but really I need a break from me. The world around me is just as it always is...what has changed then...what makes me feel like I need to get away...ME...my attitude toward those things around me...my behavior...my responses to the things around me...my way of looking at the things around me...I have lost what gentleness I had...which was not alot to start with let me tell you...I feel the yuckiness creeping up on me...maybe it has already been here and I am just now seeing it...Thank you Father for letting me see it...help me to see clearer what in me has changed what in me has turned away from you...You are so faithful...and I am NOT...but you are there being good to me though I am not being faithful to you...why?...I dont think my human mind can ever understand that question...just help me to know that you are faithful even when I dont understand why...help me to recieve your love and forgiveness...without having to know why...Forgive me Father...I have turned away from you in many areas I am seeing...I know there are many more...Forgive me and help me turn back full force and learn from my mistakes and turn away from them...I dont just want to see I want to change...I know it gets better and better every time...I have seen more quickly this time havent I...that is You...that is Your work, not my own...Thank you Lord for the work you are doing in me...for the continual work you are always doing in me...Philippians 1:6 "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."...that is what you are doing in my life...You are so good to me Father...and I am so undeserving of Your goodness, love, and faithfullness...but you still give it freely anyway...Romans 3:23 "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God"...I am not alone...Romans 5:8 "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners Christ died for us."...there is hope...Wow! what and AWESOME Father we have...what wonderful promises to fall back into...I am not hopeless...I am not hated...I am not rejected...I am not perfect...But I am FORGIVEN...I am LOVED...HE IS FAITHFUL...and for that I am thankful!!!...Lord, continue your work in me, continue to open my eyes to see where I have been wrong. Help me correct my wrongs and learn from them. Help me to recieve your forgiveness and love. Help me to continue to be humbled and broken. I am thankful Lord for your faithfulness, forgiveness, and love. You are the love of my life, you are the hope that I cling to. I pray I will continue to see. Help me to see and be open to correction. You are so gentle in your rebuking. Hebrews 12:9-10 "Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers diciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God diciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness." Thank you Father for your dicipline and for your Word that guides me! I love you. In Jesus name! Amen!

Beach Bound!!

Tomorrow I am headed to the beach for the day!! Hey if you wouldn't go down just for a day that's your decision...me I love it!! Becca and I used to go all the time on a whim just for the day! Back in the day when we were younger, had less bills, and she was unmarried!! She is taking for my birthday present...what a perfect gift!! We have some catching up to do and just to get to hang will be awesome!! Since before the wedding things have just been tooo busy so I am thankful for the opportunity to just hang out and chat and lay around on the beach. I am so excited!!! I can not wait to head out!! I hope it is fun, carefree, sunny, and peaceful!! I could so use a day like that away from Shelby County!! Do you ever just feel like the walls are caving in and you just want to get out and breath a while!! I get there from time to time and always crave the beach in those times!!! And poor Becky...she has been slammed too...with planning a beautiful wedding, building a beautiful house, and getting settled into marrige and being sick, her needs some down time too. I am thankful we will have the opportunity!! I just so want it to be relaxing and carefree and peaceful!! I am soo excited!! I can not wait!!! Fun in the sun here we come!!! Love you all!!

What a weekend!!

What a weekend!!! Friday night we had a KOR spend the night party with the girls because they won the contest!! We had eleven girls come. We had so much fun!!! We told jokes, did spontaneous human videos, sang, played "four square" with more than four people, dodge ball, bop-it, cards, hide and go seek(which was hilarious cause I scared the crud out of the kids), and watched movies and woke up in a storm!! I had the best time being with the girls and Marcia. I am so blessed to be able to love these kids and play with them and grow with them and so blessed to have such great Pastors!! I love all of our pastors and they all have such a passion for their place in ministry and God and such fire!! It is awesome!! I love my God and my church sooo much!! Anyway, it was a great spend the night party. We got up Saturday morning, well Marcia got the kids up and I couldn't quite make myself get up and so I layed there and Marcia and I just talked and talked, it was really so wonderful to me and then I finally got up and helped clean and get everything ready for service the next day. Then I went home to Wiggins' and had breakfast again after having alot of the mini white powered doughnuts-yeah I'm gonna loose weight like that I know-NOT! Then I went home to my apartment to meet my Mom before she left for Texas to visit family there and I so hate I had to miss that trip...then I preceeded to sleep alllllll day...I slept until 3:00 something or 4:00 something, I can't remember which!! I love to sleep!!! Then I went and ate dinner at Wiggins and then on to the couch to take another mini nap until about 9:00...then on to the church to get ready for BGMC service!! Then to Wal-Mart to get some stuff for service...while at Wal-Mart with Denise I saw lots of cute clothes I wanted to try on...well here's a news flash for all you late night Wal-Mart shoppers...dressing room closes at 10:00pm and they wont let you in at all! So I had a buggy full of clothes to try on and couldn't...I was not a happy camper. I took a few things home and only had to return one! Then home and Denise and I stayed up and talked for a while, Daniel came home from youth rally, he went on to bed, and eventually Denise and I drifted that way too. Sunday morning breakfast which is awesome and I love it...we had waffels and bacon YUM! On to church early to make sure I had everything for BGMC...Sunday school was good...I love our Sunday school class although we had alot of people out :(. Then to Children's Church to do BGMC service. It went okay, not quite satisfied but we made it through. I so want the kids to be excited about BGMC and giving, but they are not. It is hard to get them motivated!! I am trying all kinds of different things but I am not going to give up!! We came up with a great idea to raise money because we are not any where close to our goal for the year which is 1500.00 we are doing $10 dollar BGMC Sunday where the kids have two months to come up with a way to earn $10 dollars for BGMC + what's in their Buddy Barrel and they get some kind of something with the BGMC logo on it, we havent decided what we are getting yet. I hope they get excited and get with it!! I am going to send out some flyers like I did last year to get them motivated and remind them so they dont forget!! I hope that they like BGMC services, I try to make them fun and interesting. Pray for me!!!
Well after church Denise and I went shopping again and I got some really great stuff for my apartment and had fun doing it. I bought red curtains for my living room which I am totally excited about I think they will be perfect!!! I bought curtain rods, sheets and blankets for my guest room, and towel and cloth for my bathroom!! Denise was so great to shop with cause she helps me make up my mind when I cant and keeps me on the right track. It was alot of fun buying stuff for my apartment. It got me excited and pumped up! I am gearing up to have summer company!! My awesome friend Kellie is coming to stay with me on weekends while she works camp and I am soooooo excited!!!! Then we had Sunday night service which was wonderful!! I love Sunday night service...I love the worship and prayer and altar time!! Then Denise, Daniel, and I went to IHOP with the Jones'. It was fun for us all to be together and chat and fellowship! Not to mention the food was awesome...Pancakes and coffee!! YUM! Well I am exhausted this morning because I stayed up and made one of the beds in my guest room with my new sheets and blanket...I hope it is all going to look great!!! We shall see I have a lot of work to get done before Kellie comes to visit. Gotta get on the ball most definately!! Well I have taken alot of time to write this and I need to get to work!!

My biological father died...

William "Runt" Langston Verbena resident William "Runt" Langston, 51, of Verbena died Saturday, April 16, 2005, in a local hospital. He was born Oct. 14, 1953, in Chilton County.He is survived by his mother, Rosie "Peggy" Dotson; his children, Jeremy, Stacey, William, Glenn and Tabitha; his brother, Roger; his sisters, Betty, Bonnie and Kathy; nieces; nephews; aunts; uncles; and many friends. Service will be today, April 20 at 11 a.m. at Bolton-Letlow Chapel, the Rev. Joe presiding. Burial will follow at New Hope Cemetery in Jemison, Bolton-Letlow Funeral Home directing.

I am better today than yesterday and was better yesterday than the day before. You know seriously I never would have thought this would have affected me so much. I thought I had let go of him along time ago. But I learned that there was still a hope in me that my “dad” would want and love me one day. I mourn the family that never was, the hope my brothers and sisters and I lost, the condition of their lives and his life before he died. I have no peace about where he will spend his eternity. There was no fruit of salvation nor is their fruit of salvation in the rest of the family. I don’t feel like I lost a dad, I have my dad, but I did loose the hope. I met two sisters I didn’t know I had; they also didn’t have their dad love them. I spoke to the oldest Misty at the viewing Tuesday night, she is 32, she said “he knew where I lived, and how many kids I have, and he never came to see me”…I said he wasn’t a go getter, he never has been very involved in the lives of his children. Seeing him in the coffin was the first time she’d ever laid eyes on him. That broke my heart. She and my other sister were left out of the obituary and funeral, that broke my heart, but I was glad they were not there to know that. Tracey the other sister works down from my apt at the gas station and I have seen here countless times over the past several years and never knew she was my sister. She and my full brother Glenn got the short gene from Runt (my “dad”). They also look alike in the face. I sat down and cried for us all last night and prayed that they would come to know our Father in heaven. I prayed that nature would spark their interest in god!! I haven’t yet prayed for what I need to do as far as these new sisters are concerned as well as my other half brother and sister. I hope to get to that point soon. Maybe I am scared of what god will say he wants me to do. Because part of me doesn’t want any part of the family I have spent so much time separating from but part of me loves my sibling so much even though I don’t know them well. You know through out this entire thing most of my feelings have been conflicting and mixed up. It has been so much harder than I ever imagined it would be. I am exhausted and worn down, but I love my god and I am so very thankful for the places he has brought me from and the ways he has healed me and the forgiveness he brought before runt died! I have peace in the things I have done.

I am also so very thankful to my church family! God has put incredible people in my life to pray and love and support me. I am so thankful for you all! It means so very much to me to know people love me enough to pray, and keep me in their thoughts. It touches my heart so much there are no words to describe. I’ve gotten emails, e-cards, phone calls, cards, plants, and so much love and each and every one of those things has affirmed gods love deeper in me. There are just no words to say thank you to all who have supported me. No words. Just know that I am thankful for you and your love and support and definitely your prayers. I am thankful for you all! I love you all!