Philippians 1:6
"Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

I wouldnt go as far as to say I am confident in that but I am trying to be...at this point it is the only hope I am standing on...in this battle I am in, I have my good moments...I do not feel like I am winning or gaining any ground yet...but surely I will get better...oh please Father let me get better...complete this work in me soon...this is the hardest thing I ever remember having to do...and I still dont think I am doing it...but at least I am praying about it and seeking and open to doing it somewhat...I am terrified...but I dont know what terrifies me more...doing it or failing trying to do it...aahhh...you know it only takes me a second to switch it off...and then I feel helpless again...once I switch it off I cant seem to unswitch...blah...I told God we'd do it one day at a time...I am lacking in patience though...I am failing everyday...I guess I am just so used to making a choice to do something and then just doing it and its done...this is so not like that at all...but to talk about it one would not understand the dificulty in what I need to do...I dont think there is a single person that understands...and that sort of makes is harder...but God understands I know...and I know He'll give me strength...but there is alot of work I need to do...God help me...the only thing I have been good at lately is crying out to you...but that is it...I know that is a start but eventually you have to move on from the start to keep going...I havent gotten past the start...give me determination and will and strenght and patience and hope...help me to see victories and hold on to them to keep me going...help me to really do this...really really do this...cause I truly do not know how...and I truly can not do it without you...Father I need you so much...I know I keep telling you that...I am holding to that...and to the knowing that you want me to need you because your strength is make perfect then...help me to let go...help me to LET GO...

Well here I am again...in this choose life or die spiritually place...I am gaining strength in the choosing life area...I spent some time talking to my Neesie yesterday and last night...and today Jen has really encouraged me too...so maybe I am headed back in the right direction...there are some incredibly hard things ahead of me...somethings I really dont want to face and fight...but I have to in order to keep living spiritually...I mean I can choose to stay here and merely exist, run away completely and die...or I can choose to take another step closer to God and to what He has created me to be...to have more freedom to LIVE...I do want that freedom...more freedom...and I know now that there is more freedom avaliable...and there are many areas in which I need freedom...and there is much work and fighting to be done...so to all who read this and are prayer warriors...now is the time to pray...pray for humbleness, strength, determination, strength, oh and did I say strength...I need God's strength...and pray that I will just let go...let go of control...pray...please pray...maybe I am on the road again...at least I hope...here's to another battle, another year, another chance, to LIFE, to FREEDOM, to VICTORY, to HOPE, to staying in God's will, to choosing to fight the good fight...I love you Father, be with me and be all these things to me...In JESUS name...Amen!

"By perseverance the snail reached the ark"

Don't ya think the snail had a slow go of it...and that there were times when he wanted to stop and rest...and there were times when he wanted to give up...and there were times when it seemed much more appealing to be something else besides the snail...boy can I relate to the snail...but he persevered...and so shall I...Father help me...that seems to be my usual plea lately...but I trust you and I love you...short update today but I gotta go!

A new day dawns...isnt it funny how that always happens...without fail the sun rises again and a new day is born...I am thankful for new days...what makes those new days so wonderful is the prospect of new things and new starts...I love New Years because it brings with it a new start...well we have that everyday...the bible says His mercies are new each day...I am thankful that today I realize I do not have to wait for a New Year to start fresh...I can start frest everyday...I know I mess up alot...alot alot...I fail all the time, I fall all the time...but everyday I can pick myself up and start again...because of His forgiveness...and I dont ask for His forgiveness often enough...its called pride...its a doozy...so today Father I ask you to forgive me...forgive me for trying to do it all on my own, forgive me for ignoring you, forgive me for allowing my flesh to win out over your Spirit in me, forgive me for my selfishness, forgive me for my stubborness, forgive me for my laziness, I am nothing without You and without Your forgiveness, strength, love, grace, and mercy. I need you in every part of my life, I need you every minute of my day, I need you in every decision I make, and I refuse you in alot of those. Forgive me and help my unbelief, help my stubbornness, help me to let go and let You. That is so very very hard for me. But I want it, I cant say that I want it with my whole heart yet, cause in my stomach there is a scared, timid, I cant sort of feeling...but I know that is also something you can help me with. I just need you my Father...I need you so much...and I love you with all you have given me to love with...you are my All in All. Help me to see clearly Your will in all the decisions I need to make, and help me to see clearly the goals you have for me for this coming New Year. Thank you Father for your faithfulness you never fail us, not ever!!
Psalm 7:8,9,10 "Judge me, O Lord, according to my righteousness, according to my integrity, O Most High. O righteous God, who searches minds and hearts...My shield is God Most High, who saves the upright in heart. God is a righteous judge,..."

Happy Friday!!
Thank you Jesus that it is finally Friday and I can sleep in tomorrow...I am pooped...there is so much going on in me...so much to change, to see, to learn, but in the middle of a conversation today I realized some really big things...dont you love when that happens you are talking and you say something and its like wow...I just realized that and it came out my mouth before I even knew that I knew it...lol...anyway...I realized God has begun placing in me a desire to step out on my own...like when one leaves home to go AWAY to college...I have never had that opportunity...to leave home and move away from all the places and people that always surround me...but I have begun to think about it...where as before the thought alone terrified me...I have never been secure enough in myself to do anything like that...not even to meet new people or talk to just anyone...for example in school(elementary, middle, high, college) I wasnt confident in anything about me, not in who I was, what I knew, what I wore, the way I looked, anything therefore I stayed in a shell of "security"...I made my own security...but it wasnt the right kind of security...I realized today where that comes from...it was because I never had any security as a child unless I made it...things were always chaos, always changing, always unsafe, always unpeaceful...there was no saftey, security, or peace in my life...I never went to camp, away field trips, I didnt go off to college...the thought of that alone terrified me...I never could just talk to just anybody, or get to know them, or make friends with them...and now I can and now I am feeling drawn to the prospect of...going off to life...I actually want an opportunity to do that to know I can stand on my own away from all the people and places I have always known and been...I think that God has begun this work because my future is near...and I dont exactly know how the opportunity is going to present itself or what the opportunity will be...but I think there will be one...I think it will terrify me at first but I want to do it...I'll have to fight and push through some insecurities and some fears...but I want to...and I think it will be amazing and challenging and wonderful...it's exciting to think that maybe this desire is one step closer to my future...it makes my heart race and my chest tighten...but it is also exhilariting to entertain the thought...wow...anyway...there is just so much going on in me...struggles, fears, failures, accomplishments...like something else I realized in a conversation I had yesterday...I managed to clearly hear no in a particular direction the relationship with a guy friend was going…I have been able to stand in that no with truth and integrity…and the guy respected my choice and we remain friends…that was a first for me almost in every way…a first to listen for the no, to hear the no, to choose the no, to stand in the no with truth, and for a guy to respect it…the last part could probably be the biggest shocker of all…no guy has ever respected a decision like that especially not being able to understand it fully…which many times made it harder to stand in the no…because he is a really great guy and proved it…lol…but I know the choice I made was right…and lots of people have challenged me on it because he’s a great guy and they want to see me date and have fun…but I’m not just wanting to date to be dating or having fun…I don’t want to play with my heart or any body else’s…I want a family and a future not instant gratification...and that too is growth for me though I feel like I have stood there for a little while...so I have failed at alot and yet accomplished alot...and through it all God is still loving me, forgiving me, showing me, carrying me, challenging me, correcting me, growing me, changing me, preparing me, creating me into beauty and what I am meant to be...it is not easy...in fact I cant remember things being easy for years now...but it is worth it and I would not go back and change any of it for anything and I would not walk away from it for anything...that is why I stood my ground with the guy...because in essence I would be walking away from where I have worked so hard to get...and yeah it would be fun and sweet and great and wonderful for a little while...then I would have to break a heart get a broken heart...fight through all that...then begin rebuilding all the things I have worked so hard on already...it like building a mansion that is just exactly right...burning it down and starting over again and again and again...why...why put me through that and why drag someone else's heart through the muck doing it...when its wrong its wrong no matter how respectful, sweet, generous, cute, great, wonderful the guy is...all I can say is I see I have come so far and overcome so much to get to this point...it has been so hard and many times I didnt think I could make it...but I did...and I dont want to go back to take it forgranted or lose it or turn my back on what I have done...or especially the God, the Father, the Healer, that brought me here...that rescued me, that died for me, that fought with me through all of this...I never want to turn my back on Him...I never want to be without Him...I dont think I could survive...I dont think I could breathe...God is amazing, and "still more awesome than I know"...and if you do not have a relationship with the living God...then let me tell you...you are missing out on the greatest love of your life, the greatest journey of your life...the greatest peace you'll ever experience...the greatest joy you'll ever experience...I mean you havent experienced joy or love or peace at all if you dont know Jesus as your Savior...and if you think you have then imagine how much more so you can when it comes from your Creator...when it comes from a God that thought of you and loved you before he even created the earth...when it comes from a God that gave is only Sons life for you...Jesus died on the cross so that you would be able to know God...so that you would be able to experience His love, peace, and joy...so that you can have everlasting life...a life that is more wonderful that anything you can dream of...its as easy as asking Jesus to be the Lord of your life...asking Jesus to live in your heart, admitting you are a sinner(we all are...every single person on earth), asking Jesus to forgive you of your sins, and believing He died for you...that all...all you have to do is believe and ask...and I promise the minute you do that whole heartedly you will immediately be flooded with peace and love and freedom like you have never experienced before!!! Just do it!!!!

Well Thanksgiving is over...this year was good...not great like last year but good...my mom and I hung out Wednesday evening and put up my new prelit Christmas tree...it looks great...and it has become Tater's new toy...oh joy...lol...then on Thanksgiving Day we went to my oldest brother's(William) in Leeds...we went expecting the worst...but it was really nice...all the drinkers showed up shortly before we left so it was really okay...mom and I played with Jacob and had a good time...and we ate and left basically...for my family that's really the best you can hope for...there was no talk of what we are thankful for or really no talk at all...which I find so extremely sad...I would love to sit down with my family and have things in common...and have positive things to talk about...but that is not the case...I am just thankful to have had an uneventful day...my brother Glenn was missing and we missed him...he was unable to make it becuase he is in jail right now...then mom and I went home she to her house me to mine...then on I went to visit with more family...went to Wiggins' and ate left over's and visited a bit...watched some TV and then back home for bed...Friday was nice...I slept in and left about 1:30 to go hang out with mom and Jacob...we had fun playing...I left late that evening and went back home...I spent the rest of the evening reading by the Christmas tree...a book I have had for who knows how long that I had never read...very unusual for me...then Saturday I slept in and then was able to just relax most of the day and read...it was nice...then I went to Wiggins and we decorate the Christmas tree and listened to hilarious Christmas music...and then we had egg nog and toasted to our family...tradition...I love tradition...and Neesie and Dad bought me ornaments for the three years I have been in the family and that was so awesome and sweet and I loved the ornaments...one of them said LOVE on it and that is what Neesie calls me it is my nickname...it was great...then we watched movies allllll night...and for me it literally was all night...and we decided that Neesie no longer is allowed to pick out movies...lol...good family times...but we watched Stealth and it was awesome...but no good Christmas movies...sniff sniff...but it's ok there is still time to watch some good ones...ok so let me just say that the following two movies are terrible...Millions and The 12 Dogs of Christmas...yeah I had never heard of them either...there's a reason for that...lol...sorry Neesie your movie picking priveledges have been permantely revoked...lol...Sunday was good...play practice went better I only chopped up one song bad...and even it was a little better...I am so nervous about the play I can't wait for it to be over...I know the kids are going to do great it is me I am worried about...uuuuggghhhh...tightness in the stomach...lol...Sunday afternoon I walked on the treadmill about 10 mins...but hey that's better than nothing...ate yummy smoked turkey and leftovers...then napped while everyone watched Bewitched...which is a great movie and I love it...then back to play practice...which went good and was over in time for me to slip into the sanctuary for the ending of the GAS night youth service...I was able to worship and then pray over someone very precious...it was great...then on to home where I finished my book and crashed...to wake up to crazy Tater biting my face this morning...he drove me crazy...bless his sweet little heart...I sure do love my kitty...this week is going to be crazy busy...working on decorations for the play...and Tuesday night is prayer night...yes!!!...I can not wait...and Saturday is dress rehearsal...and a Christmas party...and Sunday is the play...and I know the kids are going to do fabulous!!!...well that has been my holiday in detail...ha ha...looking forward to getting my Christmas shopping done so I can breathe easy...well off I go back to work...Happy Holidays everyone...hope your Thanksgiving was wonderful and reminded you of all you have to be Thankful for...I am Thankful for new life and that Jesus is my new life!!! Keep up the good fight...it is worth it!!! I love you all so very much!!

So I feel stronger today than I have in a long time...it's because I have spent three nights deep in God's Word and in prayer for myself and others...it is so amazing what diving in can do...I have felt so weak, so lost, so tired, so aimless, lately...I hate it so much...I miss so much the place I was in with God...my rug was ripped out from under me or more likely I stepped off the edge of it...and I plumetted way way down...not a fun place to be...but last night while journaling and seeking I was refilled with His strength and some determination...I am thankful...very thankful...I need Him so much...so much...I just kept/keep seeking...kept/keep fighting...its all I know to do...I kept/keep repeating the things I know to be true no matter if I believed them at the time...it's all I could do...I knew I didnt want to stay where I was...I clawed my way back up...or rather I am clawing my way back up...Father help me...when I get tired lift me up...when I am weak make me strong...when I am disobediant, correct me...when I am lost in the dark, light my path and give me clarity...I love you with all my heart...and I do not want to live even one day without you...help me find my way back completely! Oh and War Eagle!!!

Hi from me today!

Wow it has been a while since I have posted...I really was in a place where I had no idea what to say...and actually I didnt feel much like writing...which is really odd for me cause I love to write...anyway...things have been different lately...I have definately been struggling...I am still struggling...but God is here with me...ALWAYS...and that is so comforting to me...I need Him so much...and He never lets me down...I have taken a break from teaching on Wednesday nights...there is just so much I am struggling with right now and with play practice and no Sunday night services in December...Wednesday nights will be the only nights I'll get a service...and my heart has so not been there on Wednesday nights for a while...and I know those girls deserve more than what I was giving...in fact I dont think I had given much for a while...more that I was taking with the girls...anyway...but we havent had a service since I came out of Stars...so I have high hopes for this Wednesday...it did feel good to not have that commitment last Wednesday...I was thankful...anyway I have also started Physical Therapy for my neck, back, and hips...I have high hopes for this as well...I really need this to be a permanent fix to my problems...today however I have taken none of the meds(muscle relaxers or pain) I really do not like being dependant on meds like that...not at all...so far today I am okay...there is pain but it is not unbearable...so I am just going to not take the meds...work is the same...still trucking along in invoicing and I have actually had more time for MIS lately so that has been good...I enjoy MIS alot sometimes...but in any case I am here biding my time before I move on to Ministry...but I am doing well here...much better actually...I am getting things done and that is good...I am working hard...well anyway I just wanted to post a quick update...God is good...All the time...All the time...God is good!!!!

Here are pics of me and Tater my kitty!!!

Today I am hanging by a rope instead of just a thread! But I know even that could change in a breath depending on me. I am in a rather large struggle. Please pray that God would give me STRENGTH and WISDOM and that I would accept both and take advantage of them. Pray that I will stay honest and open and allow myself to be held accountable. Pray. Pray. Pray. Thanks!

Wahoo...just got back from walking with the ladies at lunch...we walked hard and I feel great...I am ready to do it again tomorrow...lets go...I want to be in shape and loose weight...I really feel great...I have lots of energy right now...well still reading in Job...I am loving it...it is good to know that he is so brutally honest with God...it is REFRESHING to me...and I'm loving that his friends are there and they are not allowing him to slip too far into self pity...they are fussing back and forth but they are there for him and trying to turn his eyes back to God...we'll see how it all turns out though...I know I have read this book before but I dont really remember it so its like all new to me...I like it...I like it alot...I like knowing there is someone who will show me the ugly when I cant see it and show me when I am wrong or going in the wrong direction...I always pray that I will be receptive to that...well anyway...I had better put all this energy to good use and get some work knocked out...lata!!

Being Stirred
God's Word stirs me...I've just fininshed reading Esther and started reading Job...and today I realized how much God's Word stirs me...makes me think and look at myself to see if I am in check with the things I need to be doing and correcting...both Esther and Job are pretty amazing examples to us...Esther risked her on life to save her people...little did she know the plan God had in store for her...through reading Esther I noticed all the things God put in place to save his people...not all easy things for Esther either...but necessary to get her to the place God needed her to save the people...it is just incredible to see...I see God's hand in my own life like that as well...not that I'll be queen and save an entire people..but God has had a hand in my whole life to bring me to where I am today and were I will be in the future...it is amazing...and Job...wow...I would only hope to be able to stand and worship and praise God like he does as things are taken away from him...he simply trusts not matter what...I have huge doubts in myself there...I mean if my entire family and fortune were taken away from me in one day...would I immediately turn and praise God...I pray I would...Job was incredibly faithful...incredibly sold out...incredibly willing to give it all back to God...sometimes I am not even willing to give God my day...I have only begun reading Job today...I have read it before but this time it I am looking within me to see if I have those same qualities...Christlike qualities...Christ was faithful even to death...would I be that faithful...I pray so...but again have some major doubts...not that I am asking to be tested at all...lol...just looking within to see how strong my faith is and allowing Job to encourage me there and learning from him...I love God's word...it stirs me!! Hope you'll let it stir you today!!!

Hola...ok well I went back on what I said...I got another cat...so far it has already been much better than the last time...my new kitty is a boy...he has a bobbed tail...he is orange...and his name is Tater...he is the sweetest and funniest kitty ever...I love him...I have had him since Tuesday afternoon...so already I've had him longer than the last one by a couple hours...ha...well this week has been good...I have been reading in the book of Esther...there are several things that stood out to me...first was that Esther was willing to give up her life for her people...the second was that the King couldnt sleep so he had the journals read to him...that was so totally God that he couldnt sleep and because of that he found out about Mordecai...and it was interesting that Haman did not get away with the evil he was planning...but it was turned back on him...and it was so God that turned it back...it was just cool to read the story and see how God was looking out and putting little things in place just in time to stop the evil from happening...so cool...you just never know when those little things are things that God has put there to keep you safe and protect you...wow...what a cool story...of God's faithfullness to us...and an encouraging story of how we can be used...like Mordecai told Esther in chapter 4 the end of verse 14 from the Message Bible..."Who knows? Maybe you were made queen for such a time as this." Who knows maybe we are where we are for such a time as this...wow...it would do me good at work to keep that in mind...really good...wow...what a revelation all of a sudden...thanks you Father...wow...you know God is so good...and my most favorite thing is to be used by Him...well bon voyage for now...got a wonderful weekend planned...Jen and Jason are coming over tonight...Mom is coming over tomorrow morning with Jacob my little fatboy...and Saturday night I'm headed to hang with my other family and Sunday is pastor appreciation YES...and Sunday night we are going to the movies as a family...I hope we get to see Flightplan...have a good one...lata gata!!!

Hi...Happy Tuesday...guess I'd better catch up on the weekend...I worked until 7:00pm Friday night...it was the last shipping day of the month and trucks were late...but I didnt have anything to do since Jen had company coming over so it didn't bother me at all to have to work that late...and Saturday I finally got to clean my apartment...wow...I am ever so thankful...I even reorganized my kitchen cabinets...aaahhhhhh....I feel soooo much better...my house is spotless...well except my guest bedroom...it needs some work...and I am quickly getting behind on laundry...but my house is clean...its clean its clean its clean...phew...it makes me wanna bake...how crazy is that...lol...I walked into my clean kitchen the other night and though...oh I really want to bake something...lol...ha...anyway then Saturday night Neesie and I played bejeweled forever...it was so much fun...Sunday we started the Christmas play in children's church and then went to Guntersville for a kids crusade...I could only go Sunday night because of work...but that's okay...I made my peace with it...surprisingly...it was difficult but I knew that God worked it out that way for a reason...because last night was the Women's Meeting and Miss Darlene asked me to share my testimony...I did and it went well I think...all I know is that I would share it again and again if it touches and changes lives...it was hard because that was the first time I had shared it in front of a big group like that(30)...but I am glad I did it and I would do it again in a heart beat...I mean really if what I went through can help give someone else hope and faith and help them to better understand how much God loves us...then I'll tell it everyday...it makes every single thing I went through worth it...every part of it...I do not regret anything...I would not change anything...I am only thankful God uses me and my life to touch others in such a way...I am so thankful to all of those who were able to be there last night...I was so affraid that I would have no safe friends there...and those that came touched my heart so very much I dont even have words to express...I needed that support and really I cant even express how much it meant...anyway...then we got to decorate cakes...that was so fun...and I loved watching everyone work and decorate their cake...Darlene really out did herself...it was alot of fun...you know I just have to say how incredible God is...I was really blessed by sharing my testimony last night...I know that He was in control and that He brought out the things that needed to be said...I couldnt even begin to tell all that He has done for me....it would take months years maybe...He has done so much...I could ask for none better than Him!!!

It has been a tumultuous week...kind of like a roller coaster for me...but the most awesome thing about it is that God taught me things through it and He never left my side...and I never left His...I am thankful that the week is coming to an end and hopeful that my plans for tonight and tomorrow will not get messed up...I just have to share the things that God is to me...the things He has been for me this week...My Father when I needed warms arms around me...My Comforter when I cried...My Peace when I was anxious...My Rock when all else around me seemed to be falling down...My Joy in the middle of my circumstances...Faithful when I was short of faithful to Him...My Best Friend when I cried out to Him He listened and He heard...My Victory over the battles I fought...My All in All...and that is the kind of Father/God He desires to always be to each of us...it is just a matter of us allowing Him to be those things...and that is probably the biggest miracle of all...I allowed Him to be those things...those places were the first places I turned...His Word, prayer, and I simply listened...I cried out to him even with the smallest of requests...and He answered...with stickers none the less...you see one day I just asked for a good day for joy...and all day He provided little blessings...all day...and shimmer stickers was one of the blessings...He's cool like that...anyway I just wanted to share that...You know God has done so much work in me...so much...I am to tell my testimony at our women's meeting Monday night...and for me to even attempt to tell them all that God has done for me it would take days...and I would still be leaving things out...I can not even begin to go there...He is just that awesome...and I am so thankful that He is working in me and changing me and teaching me and loving me and that He chose me...He chose you too...will you allow Him to do in you what He desires to...will you allow Him to bless you as he desires too...will you allow Him to use you as He desires to...the only thing you have to do is allow Him to do it...the places He has called me I know I can not do on my own...I know I am not equipt to do...but He is...He is the Lord of Lords...and all I have to do is simply allow Him to do...will you do the same????

Whoa the things that are going through me right now...a multitude of things...most I cant and wont put words to...so moving on...one of the things I have heard from God this week has to do with music...well namely one of my favorite country bands...Rascal Flatts...Jen let me borrow her new CD...oh my goodness...I love it...I love their music the way they sound everything...but here's the kicker...I listened to it all day Monday...and by the time I got home I was super bummed...and I was thinking...when am I going to fall in love and get married...blah blah blah...the thing is...it took my mind off God and put me in a mode where it was hard to focus on God and wait patiently for the things He has promised me...I dont need to be sitting around thinking oh poor pitiful me that hasnt happened to me yet or anything like that...God has spoken to me about music before...my Kelly Clarkson CD...love her...love her voice...love her music...but...it gives a different view of love than God wants me to have...so I dont listen to that one either...God hasnt said to me dont listen to secular music yet...but there are certain things he speaks to me about individual songs or groups and such...which could be His way of slowly weeding it all out...so anyway in my conversation with God Monday night during my journaling/devotion time...we got me back on track again...so that was a good thing...a really good thing...lol...because I DO want to wait patiently for the things God has for me and not jump the gun for the things I want...what I want is not good enough...God knows whats best...well anyway...I so feel like for the past couple of days I havent been explaining things well...like my words are not coming out right...I hope that is not the case here...I am so frustrated right now though...blah...anyway...God is teaching me so much...I just wish I could get a handle on it all...it seems a bit overwhelming at this moment...but I know this moment will pass...so I'm pressing on...so I'm going to go and keep pressing on...lata!

Fall Fever!!!!

Happy Fall Yall!!!!

I can not wait for the weather to change and cool off...and the leaves to changes colors...what photo opportunities...lol...and with my new borrowed toy...a SLR 35mm camera...and the dreams of a brand new one soon...I can't wait...I love warm clothes...scarves...gloves...jackets...coats...sweaters...love the crisp air...love it all...I'm tellin ya Fall Fever has officially set in...ok moving on from that...real quick cause I have a deadline to meet...this week has been pretty good so far...the weekend was great...JBQ was awesome...it was the best day...and I coached the achiever team and had the best time...I loved that time encouraging the kids...loved it...it was a great day...Sunday was great too...we sang and sang...cause this weekend we start the Christmas play...and I cant wait to see what it is this year...and I am only doing a short BGMC Service...and then we are starting the play...I had some really good devotion time last night...God spoke to me out of Psalms...and it was just what I am doing...so God was just encouraging me to keep it up...it was great...I havent been sleeping too great so pray for me there...well I gotta go...gotta get these invoices out by 11:00am...lata!

I am so glad today is Friday...another busy but wonderful weekend ahead...tonight going to my brother's football game...tomorrow our first Junior Bible Quiz match...wahoo I am so excited...then to my familys to chill...and Sunday off to church I go...and for lunch we are having roast...by request of me...yum...I am excited...I so can not wait for the weather to cool down...man I have fall fever like no body's business...I cant wait to start wearing warmer clothes...especially since I am gaining tons of weight again...blah...oh yeah Heather just sent me pics from Kentucky...wahoo...here they are...have a great weekend...I love Jesus...

This is our crew as the Incredibles...Scotty is the dad...Haley is the daughter...Marcie is the mom...I am the fast little boy...and Katie is the baby...and Jason and PT just think they are strong but I think Kelsie and Kayla can take 'em!!!
This is the kids choir the last night...look at all the kids...wahoo...it was a great year!!!

Wow last night was awesome...about a dozen teenagers asked Jesus into their heart...how awesome it that...and it was so awesome to see their friends stand behind them and encourage them...wow...I just want to cry...it was incredible...I went down to the front to pray...not because I knew anyone but because I was so happy and excited and I wanted to support their courage...man...how awesome...and I loved the praise and worship...loved it loved it loved it...and after church I went and hung out with my family...and for the first time in FOREVER...we all just hung out and chatted...all of us...Neesie, Dad, Me, Jared and Daniel...it was an awesome family moment...and we got a picutre of us lounging on the couch for our scrapbook...wahoo...tonight is my clean the house night...and I am actually excited...I am so ready to get my house clean again...and I want to pull out any Fall stuff I have like my door hanger...cause guess what...TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF AUTUMN...and we all know what that means...I LOVE FALL...lol...love it love it love it...I am really going to have to make more time at home to keep myhouse clean and enjoy it...yep yep...work is going good today...getting stuff done and that is always nice...I cannot wait till it cools down outside so I can go out at lunch and enjoy the FALL weather...man I can not wait...DID I MENTION I LOVE AUTUMN...lol...okay okay...I'll stop that now...anyway...tomorrow night is another Chelsea football game...I want Daniel to get to play...I like football...and I love being there to support my brother...and Saturday is Bible Quiz...I am so excited about Bible Quiz...I can not wait for Saturday...yehaw...I cant wait cant wait cant wait...well I had better get back to work...I am leaving you with a great picture of Danielle and Me taken last Saturday night at the Columbiana Youth Rally...I love black and white pictures!!!

I learned something about myself just today...in the middle of a conversation with Neesie...my eyes were opened to an insecurity I have...I didn't realize I had it until it came out of my mouth in that conversation...dont you love when that happens...well it kinds freaks me out...its like I say something and then I'm like wow...yeah that is it...and until I said it I had no idea...so that was pretty awesome...maybe now I can work on that insecurity and not be insecure there...we shall see...lots to work on these days...I keep myself busy like that...ha...well God and me...He is so faithful and allows me to see things just as I need to...He is such a great Father...wow...ok so today has been pretty good...getting my stuff done...and that feels great...and tonight is church...but before I am having dinner with Becky and Adam...which I am super excited about because today is her birthday and I have been really needing and wanting to spend some time with her...but I am not very good at managing my time...in fact I stink at it pretty badly...one of the things I am working on...lots to work on...but hey I am never bored...lol...well I guess I dont have much more to say...See ya on the flip side...uumm...meaning...lata!!

Good afternoon...well today is considerably better workwise than yesterday...I have managed to get my mind off having to have a reason for being here...I am simply here because that is where God has me at the moment...who am I to complain...is there not worse places I could be...uummm...yeah...not to mention...they are pretty good to me here...aside from the occasional bad day or someone being ugly or the fact that it is not ministry...this is a great job...and my bosses are wonderful...why am I complaing...really the only reason I was complaining is because it is not ministry...otherwise I dont have a problem being here...lol...anyway I am better today...even jovial...ha...do you like my word...I have been able to stand in faith so strong last night and today...and the situation that came about is a rough one...but I have so much faith and peace and calmness...it is still odd to me the calmness that comes upon me in times of crisis...but it is God and it is great when He floods me with that peace...and I am thankful for it and the faith that I have...I know God is going to reveal Himself in this situation...I know it without doubt...and I hope it all comes about quickly...I am look forward to watching Him work in lives...He really is an incredible God...He really is more than the human mind can fathom...His goodness towards us makes absolutely no sense to us...but the beauty of it is that it doesnt have to make sense...it just is...and the fact that we do not understand it doesnt change the fact that it there abundantly...that is pretty cool...cause if the world stopped because I didnt understand it then hey...this would be one still earth...lol...there are so many things that I do not understand...but I know that I do not have to understand them in order to have the faith that God has given me...otherwise I wouldnt have that faith right now...I know I know...I am not making much sense...these are just things that I am realizing as I am typing...anyway...I am thankful that the day has improved over yesterday...last night I even got out and walked about 8 laps on the track...and I am going to do that again tonight...I am gradually moving back up in to my bigger clothes...uuuggghhh...so not fun...so I am definately wanting to walk again as much as I can force myself to...I just want to not have a weight problem...but since that is not the case...I need to really be motivate to work hard on it...I need to really stay on top of the whole exercise thing...I havent gotten there yet...but maybe I will...well I had better go and run downstairs to get tickets...let my afternoon begin...bye for now!

Hi...back at work again today...oh the joys...right?...NO...I am so struggling here...but it is always like that when I come back off a ministry trip...I dont see the importance of patio furniture in the grand scheme of things...I see the importance of people...but I dont get much time with the people...I have to stay busy busy...but you know I need to stop belly aching and just be content...I am fine doing the work today...but I am not content...thats alright though...well the weekend was good...Homecoming gameas fun Friday night...Chelsea won...yeah for them...then Neesie and I layed on my bed and watched a movie on the laptop...it was fun...Saturday we had breakfast and I mowed with Dad...let me just tell you...I had the best time mowing...I really do love to mow...it was fun...then we had an awesome lunch that Neesie made...it was yummy...then Neesie and I started playing dominoes then I had to get ready for the Youth Rally...the rally was good...no many came...but it was still good...then Danielle and I went and got some Taco Bell and went back to the apt and ate the I took her home...it was great to get to spend some time with her...I have seen her since before I left for KY...it was really awesome...then I went home to start breakfast casseroles for Sunday morning...Sunday was really good...I made a Maple Pancake Bake for Sunday school...children's church was good...I was stretched again...I had to talk to a puppet...I am not great at it but I did okay...at least I remember to look at the puppet this time instead of the puppeteer..lol...so that was a stretch...we did the new gorilla song we learned in KY and JR KOR kids came in for the first part of the service...I think they had a great time...after church Neesie and I worked on our scrap book after lunch which is looking great if I do say so myself...then on to drama practice...that went really well...Marcie had to come in a get us when service started cause we were still practicing...it was GAS night...which means the youth do service...it was great...really great...I love to hear the youth praise team they are awesome...I love to hear Carrie and Boo sing and loved that at the end Kara and Katie sang and led worship...they both love to sing so much and sing wonderfully...it was awesome...and I love to hear Boo preach...he is awesome and is anointed...and fun...I really look forward to GAS nights...after church I went and hung out with the Jones'...we watched this really cool hunting talk show...I liked it...but I am such a girl...everytime someone would shoot something I'd go awww...duh...that is what hunting is about Tabbie...but still it is hard to see something get shot and not react...God made women like that...I shall not deny my girly side...lol...it made me a little sad...though I am not against hunting...I like to eat deer meat(now that I am used to it)...anyway then I showed Haley and PT Katie Harris' Xanga site and showed them how to get on it...that was fun...and PT and I decided to do a JBQ Xanga site...I created it eariler...I am super excited about it...and this weekend is our first JBQ match...I am so excited...I cant wait...I love bible quiz...both JR and SR...I love it...and this weekend I am going to get a picture of our bible quiz teams for the Xanga site...wahoo...I really am excited about that...lol...well that is an update on my weekend...today has been good...I am just struggling with a few things...mainly work...but it is nothing major...I know it will pass...but let me just say I cant wait for the day I get to quit my secular job and focus on family and ministry...I cant wait...I lived my dream last week...and I didnt want to come back from it...every kids crusade is like that...especially the ones where I dont have to work during the day...lol...that is what make Kentucky so great for me...I get time off of work so I can focuse my mind totally on ministry and the people around me...it is wonderful...ok Jen is gone to visit her parents this week...I'll miss her and IMing her...it is sad not seeing that little thing flash at the bottom...I hope she is having a great time though...and Memphis...I have never been there but i like Tennessee...I want to go to Gatlinburg this fall...even only to drive up to see the beauty and drive back home...I need to find me someone who is game to do that...hint hint Becky...my only friend that doesnt think that is stupid and will spend a whole day with me in a car...speaking of this week is Becky's birthday...she is getting old...lol...not...I cant wait to go get her something...I love birthdays...it is a great time to say...I love you and am thankful for you...I really dont spend as much time as I should with her...so I am slightly clueless as to what to get her for her birthday...what she needs, wants, likes, etc...makes me disappointed in myself for not spending more time with her...so Becky if you read this...I love you and I am sorry I dont come see you more...bad me...I hope that I can come up with something you will love for your birthday though...I want you to know I love you and appreciate you...okay well...that is all for now...until next time...I love you all so very very much...I'll be here seeking God and His will and His wisdom...God is Good all the time...all the time God is Good!!!

Not a single comment while I was gone...makes me sad...quick update...Kentucky was awesome...I was not ready to come back...to business and work...seriously it was perfect...we slept in and relaxed all day...worked hard from 5-9...came home ate and visited...then to bed...it was just amazing...I loved it...I was stretched during services...danced in the gorillas and a character...but I didnt fret too much and just did it...it was great...the responses were great...it was just incredible...I am so thankful I got to go again this year...I look forward to next year...and hope I get to go then too...anyway that is my update...lata!

Ok my friends...the week is coming to an end...my attitude is slightly better...I have been able to get done the things that were detremental for my leaving tomorrow morning for Kentucky...I managed to get my attitude under control this morning when a co-worker smarted off about the amount of time I take off...I said nothing and walked out...I wanted to tell her that though it was none of her business...I have been here five years and get 3 weeks vacation...I used 5 days for camp...4 days for cruise...and am using 4 days for Kentucky...not to mention the extended hours I have been working since getting back from camp in June or the fact that I'll be working some while in Kentucky...I managed thus far to say none of those things...but to relenquish my attitute toward her and my small fear that she is going to ruffle feathers over it, to God...I know that it is because of Him that I am able and allowed to do all the wonderful things I get to do...and if it is His will that I am able to continue to do these things then there is nothing that the little busybody here can say to change that...this coworker has always driven me crazy...but I asked God today to help me to see her as He sees her...and it helped some...I still need to work on that and I asked for grace for her and it helped too...I still need to work there as well...but I am trying and seeing these things as they happen now where as before I never saw them until much later after I had alread sinned greatly toward the other person...so I have grown...but I want to grow more...so today is better than the others...I came in task oriented and did not even turn my computer on until I absolutely had to...and I got things done...hhhmmm...I need to remember that...I did manage to get packed last night...and the guys in my life would be extremely proud of me...I pack for a week in ONE suitcase...and it is not even my biggest suitcase...so go me...now the challenge will be to get all my stuff back in that one suitcase at the end of the week...then and only then can I be considered a true "manly" packer...ha...so you guys if you read this...you need to brag appropriately...lol...so I got packed last night...then sat on my bed and worked on invoices and watched TV...that is the longest amount of time I have spent in front of the TV in a good long while...I watched two episodes of Scrubs...I usually dont watch that one but I knew Jay Leno and Conan would come on that channel later and I didnt want to have to get up and mess up all my work to change the channel...crazy I know...anyway...2 episodes of scrubs...part of an episode of ER(was on the phone through some of it)...then guess what...the news came on...so I HAD to get up and change the channel cause I hate watching the news...I read bits and pieces online but I cant sit and watch all that sad stuff and hear it over and over in the same hour...so I watched two episodes of Andy Griffith...man what a show...I really love it...you dont have to worry about hearing things you shouldn't be listening to or seeing things you shouldn't be watching...and it teaches good morals...by that time I was finally done with my invoices and extremely exhausted and sleepy so I cleaned it all up...and decided NOT to move on to my second stack of invoices...and went to bed...phew what and evening huh...I did however, like watching TV while I worked...matching invoices is not a job you have to think a whole lot about...so it made it pass quicker...it is very monotonous and boring but hey somebody's gotta do it...anyway that was my evening...I got up this morning and got ready for work...finished packing the things I couldnt pack last night and a few others I forgot...like my coloring book and crayons...that would have been terrible to forget those...phew...it was a close one...then I loaded down my car and headed to work...with a million and one things on my brain to get done...but here I sit at 11:41 with most all of it done...THANK YOU JESUS...YOU ARE THE MAN...now the biggest thing I need to get done is some serious praying...I have slacked on my devotion time the past couple days...got lost in the stress...and I wonder why I wasnt handling it very well...humans...you'd think we'd learn...but no we are idiots...well at least I am...but anyway...I need to find some time and get in my prayer journal and go to town on some things...I have read a couple chapters in Jeremiah today...the Word is so refreshing...even in Jeremiah...I just love God's Word...anyway so I am getting things done and the more I get done the better I feel...ok so Kentucky...we leave tomorrow morning at 7:00AM...yikes...can we say coffee please...lol...I am ready...ready to dive into ministry for 4 days...ready to work, play, hang out, eat, pray, worship, minister, pray, ready ready ready...I'll be doing a character...which is taking me OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE...but that is okay...I am ready...I am doing Kara's character and she does such a good job...I dont think I'll even come close to doing as good a job as she does...but at least I have something great to imitate!!!...that is very helpful for me...very...I hope it goes well...I cant wait to be there and see all the people and get started...ok well I had better get on to lunch...I may or may not update while in Kentucky...I dont want to spend alot of time one the computer while I am there...I want to enjoy the people I am with and nap time...lol...so I'll holla when I get back...pray for us...we want to see kids lives changed, healed, and we want them to know how much God loves them...love you guys...I will miss you all!!!!

Stress and Bad Days

ok so I have been having numerous bad days...uuuuugggghhhh...I hate it...and I know I could choose differently but its like I cant somehow...which is stupid because I have Christ living in me...there is nothing I cant do...work has been horrible...and so stressful...and I have been so incredibly busy after work too...it makes it hard to keep a good attitude...but I need to do better...and its like what I hate the most is my family...namely Neesie gets the brunt of it...its because I am comfortable with her being myself and letting my true self show...but I dont want to be ugly to her just because I am in a bad mood...cause that is when I am most choleric...most of the time I have good control over that...but let me get in a bad mood and especially one not under God...and whoa...that is what I was yesterday...bless her heart...she just wanted to make me feel better...but in a mood like I was in I dont tolerate that well...and bless her heart...I feel bad...so this is a public apology...I am sorry for my cruddy mood and that I allowed noone to be able to cheer me up...thanks for trying Neesie and Jen...I am sorry Neesie that my ugly choleric side came out and that you were affected by it...I am sorry God for the attitude of my heart...and the words that came out of my mouth...I am asking you all to forgive me...I could give excuse after excuse but the bottom line is I need to do better...I need to do alot better...I truly disagree right now with what my booklet said about me secretly enjoying being busy...maybe a little busy but not this busy I need down time...aaaahhhh...I have no idea how I am going to get all the things done I need to get done before we leave on Saturday...I know it will get done somehow but I dont know how I am going to keep my sanity through it...but I will do that too...okay so this post is crazy...I am trying really hard to be in a good mood and to be my normal self...but I am still struggling a bit with that...and that funny thing is...is that I know that I need to rise above all this...like it says in Jeremiah 12:5..."If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses?"...I sure am letting this world wear me out...and I dont like that at all...stress stinks...but its just stress...and on the whole what does it matter...my God loves me...He uses me to love others...and I am okay...and today I am going to try to keep that in my head...wish me luck..lol...I'll need it...Help me Father...I need you!!!

Joe Normal

26 % Nerd, 21% Geek, 26% Dork

For The Record:A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.

A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.

A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.

You scored less than half in all three, earning you the title of: Joe Normal. This is not to say that you don't have some Nerd, Geek or Dork inside of you--we all do, and you can see the percentages you have right above. This is just to say that none of those qualities stand out so much as to define you. Sure, you enjoy an episode of Star Trek now and again, and yeah, you kinda enjoyed a few classes back in the day. And, once in a while, you stumble while walking down the street even though there was nothing there to cause you to trip. But, for the most part, you look and act fairly typically, and aren't much of an outcast. I'd say there's a fair chance someone asked you to take this test. In any event, fairly normal. Congratulations! If you enjoyed this test, I would love the feedback!

Thanks Again! -- THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:


You scored higher than 7% on nerdiness


You scored higher than 20% on geekosity


You scored higher than 33% on dork points

I have no words really to describe what I feel today...I know God is near...I am thankful...had the best weekend ever...mom came by Friday night and I got to hang out with her and my nephew...wow he has gotten so big...he is just a big kid...he is two and bigger than any of the four and five year olds I know...wow...but he is funny...and it was so fun to hang with them for a little bit...then I hung out with Carrie and Boo the rest of the night...Saturday Nessie, Dad, Daniel and I went out in the boat and we had a good time...Daniel had a skiing accident that about freaked me out but I went directly into rescue mode so I didnt freak out...and he is alright...he has a gash on his head just above his righ eyebrow...but he is okay that God...then Dad and I went shopping for Neesie's birthday and had fun...it was great to have Daddy-Daughter time...I loved it...Sunday morning I did BGMC service and it went better than it has gone in a long time...and I know it was because of my attitude and my heart...it was great...then the kids that participated in Ten Dollar Sundays got to throw water balloons at PT, Marcie, and me...wahoo...that was a hoot...then we had Neesie's birthday lunch and it was awesome...Jared cooked the steaks perfectly...and we had cake and she opened our gifts...what fun...then I napped the rest of the afternoon...wahoo..it was great...then Neesie and I wrote the human video for drama practice that starts this Sunday...it is going to be a fun vidoe...then we watch a little TV and Daniel came in and then we went to bed...Monday we got up cleaned and got ready for company...the Jones', Arias', and Riggins' came over and we colored, ate, and played Shanghi...we played Shanghi for four hours...wow that is the longest game ever...and of course PT won...lol...it was alot of fun...we laughed alot...then Neesie, Daniel, and I sat around and talked for a bit then I went home...I had incredible bible study and prayer time last night...man...I read for a while...then I journeled...then I started praying and it was so awesome...I was praying very specific things for people...it was totally a God thing...I slept with the fan on and the windows open upstairs...it was great...I loved it...I am going to do that again tonight...work is going good today...I have been trying to catch up on my reading in Jeremiah while I work today as well...I have several chapters to go...after work I am going by moms to visit for a bit and then home to do laundry and start packing for Kentucky...how awesome...a four day work week and then I head off to Kentucky for a Kids Crusade and four days off work...I cant wait...Kentucky is going to be awesome I just know it...I thank you Jesus for what you are going to do there this year...well that is a pretty stinkin detailed summary of what my weekend was...lol...not that you asked...anyway I wish I could express what I feel today...I just know God is so near...and I am thankful...and I want Him to be near...I am peaceful, content, joyful, really words just aren't coming close to describing it...it is awesome...God is awesome...He is awesome even when I am going through hard times...I am thankful...He is growing me in so many ways...I am thankful...well I guess I had better end this novel and get on about my day here at work...I need to spin out a report and go to the post office before starting on invoices for the day...hope your day is going well...remember God is good...all the time...and all the time...God is good...I am in love with my God!!! Lata!

The nicest most wonderful Neighbor

Ok so I have the most wonderful neighbor in the world...look at the wonderful stoop art she left me this morning!!! How sweet is she...she is the nicest...always talks to me when we happen to see each other...honks and waves at me if she passes me in town...takes care of my rose bush and dries out my welcome mat after it rains...she has invited me over for spagetti but I couldnt go...when Katrina was here the other night and I had my door open she poked her head in and we chatted a bit...she is the coolest...always friendly...always ready to help...when I was leaving for camp she helped me carry my luggage out to the car...she really just blessed my day today with this aweseome message that I saw right as I walked out of my door...when we were outside chatting the other night in the storm she was telling me she had bought sidewalk chalk at a yard sale and was ready to use it...and I told her I couldnt wait to come home and see her artwork all over the sidewalk...and how sweet was her firt artwork!!! Anyway this was just too sweet this morning and I wanted to share!!! Oh and today is the first day of September and how wonderful did it feel outside this morning...gave me another onslought of Fall Fever!!!! I cant wait for FALL!!!!! Thank you Jesus for Fall...and for my great neighbor!!! I love you!!!

Hello all...today is Wednesday...I am super excited...we are having a Missionettes party tonight...and it is going to be too fun...we are doing a person scavenger hunt, having popcorn, and cake...and we'll all be together...then at the end we will take our new girls back to class and talk a little bit about what we do...anyway it will be great...you know I really dont have much to say today...at all...it has been a busy day...my boss and I got the laptop ready for me to take to Kentucky so I can work some there...not much...I'll only be doing my daily report...and hopefully that will not take long...and if it is not possible for me to do it there all I have to do is call and tell them and I wont have to do it...anyway I am excited about Kentucky...I cant wait...I so need to practice both of the Gorilla dances...I am so not a good dancer...Amber I need rythym...lol...it is hilarious...even my brother Daniel now dances better than I do...and he was so bad before...I dont know what happened but I need that to happen to me...lol...it will be sad going to Kentucky without Daniel this year...I will miss him so much...last year when we went...he and I had such a strong connection...like we were twins...we could draw strength from each other...that connection has been lost for now...and that makes me want to cry...but I have all confidence that we will have it back...I know that God put Daniel and I together for a reason...we are siblings...and we are both going into Children's Ministry...and I just know that God is going to bring back that bond between us...and one day our families will be close and support each other...it will be awesome...I can not wait...anyway...I had better go...got to run to post office...and maybe stop by for some lunch somewhere...I'm famished...sorry for the short post...lata!

God's Word

I am being touched so much by God's word lately...I love it...Jen and I are reading in Jeremiah and it has really been good...we are trying to read on a schedule so yesterday I read some in Proverbs...I read Proverbs 24 because it was the 24th...it was really good...made me think alot about myself and parts reminded me of what some around me are dealing with and learning...it was sooo cool...soooo alive and active...is God's Word cool like that...I mean think about it...it was written FOREVER ago...but we read it today and it just...it just fits...it fits perfectly...and you can read the same thing on a different day and it can speak something totally different to you...Hebrews 4:12 12"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."...it is living and active!...I love it...last night I read Haggai at the guiding of one of my friends...and it spoke so much to me about the mess I continually get myself into with my money...Haggai 1:5-6
"Take a good, hard look at your life.
Think it over.
6You have spent a lot of money,
but you haven't much to show for it.
You keep filling your plates,
but you never get filled up.
You keep drinking and drinking and drinking,
but you're always thirsty.
You put on layer after layer of clothes,
but you can't get warm.
I am not even taking care of my NEEDS at this point...how foolish am I...but then he encourages that once you see and seek to change and do the things He asks of you to do...
18""Now think ahead from this same date--this twenty-fourth day of the ninth month. Think ahead from when the Temple rebuilding was launched. 19Has anything in your fields--vine, fig tree, pomegranate, olive tree--failed to flourish? From now on you can count on a blessing.'" ...God will bless us when we do what He asks of us...that is so ecouraging to me...and I am ready to do better...Lord help me!!...and you know what He already has...I got two very unexpected blessings recently and I know it is God's way of honoring my obediance to Him...its sort of like my new blog friend Ashley said today summarizing something she read in a book I gotta read... ......"Why is it so easy for us to have faith in believe in someone that died 2,000 years ago...we are so sure of the fact that he is our salvation....our father...yet we find it so hard to believe that this same Father actually has delivered us from the power of sin and we dont have to struggle with things like we do.....forgiveness comes by the same grace that my delieverance does....i just have to believe and have faith that it is finished...Christ said it was when He died on the cross...IT IS FINISHED!!!!"...I mean really...why dont I have the faith I should...wow that was good...thank you Ashley for sharing that...you are awesome...even still God spoke to me through an article I read today about a woman who got herself in a mess hiking..."Another lesson I learned is that we can't continue down a wrong path and remain untouched by the consequences we create. Even as I continued to make bad decisions, I prayed, "Lord, show me the right way." But he already had! I knew what I should have done, I just didn't do it. When we make a conscious choice against God, we're seldom hit with lightning; usually we just get to hang out in our circumstance, which is more than most of us can bear."...whoa...I hope all this is making sense...it does in my head...I just hope I am writing it down so others can understand...bottom line...God is so good...all He asks of us is tho be obediant and follow Him...and if you think about that...all He wants to accomplish by asking us doing that is to take care of us...He's not a dictator just telling us what to do...He is our DADDY...we should be obediant because He is doing what is best for us...He knows...we do not...for example...say you have a child or are babysitting a child...they are headed toward a busy road chasing a ball...you run grab them...they dont understand all they wanted was their ball...why are you taking them from their ball???...but what they dont see is you see the bigger picture...you see the road and the danger...the child does not always...so it is with God and us...He sees the bigger picture we do not...whoa I could write forever...but I have so much work to do...it has truly been a busy week...but absolutely worth it...I hope this post made up for skipping yesterday...I was so zoned out...well I love you all...I love Jesus...until next time...Seeking Him!!!

God's Trademark!!

Jeremiah 8:9
...Look at them!
They know everything
but God's Word.
Do you call that
"knowing"?

I know nothing if I dont know God's Word...when I read this today it stuck out to me...I am extremely lacking in this area...but not only knowing God's Word but knowing Him...

Jeremiah 9:24
If you brag, brag of this and this only:
That you understand and know me.
I'm God and I act in loyal love.
I do what's right and fair
and delight in those who do the same things.
These are my trademarks.

I want to be God's trademark...how awesome to be a trademark of the King...that is my goal and what God is working me toward!!!

Had an awesome talk with Marcie last night...I learned so much from it...and I so enjoyed the time spent with her tremendously...I dont get that time as often as I used to...due to us both having busy schedules...so when I get the time I am very grateful...the above verse reminds me of Marcie...I definately think she is one of God's trademarks and I love her for it!!! I have a few people in my life that I would consider God's trademarks and I look up to them and learn from them!!!

The crusade is going great...tonight is our last night...makes me so sad...the highlight of last night was this:
Before service started I was talking to the kids and the boys were saying how the "monkeys" were scary and they didn't like them...and I was like...No way...dude those gorillas are so cool...I mean they are the coolest ever...they love kids and they really like to dance...can you guys dance...there were three boys standing there...and they were like yeah we like to dance...and they showed me how they can dance...then I was like...wow...you know what I bet the gorillas would love to dance with you guys, yall wanna dance with them...they were like yeah!!...it was so cute...so I got to do a gorilla last night so I went over and danced with them...it was so awesome!!!!

Well I cant wait to get back to the church tonight...guess I'll go and get to invoicing some more and maybe the afternoon will just fly by!!!

Until next time...Seeking Him...desiring to be His trademark!!!

Hey guys...thanks for putting up with my gloomy post...this one is better...the weekend was good...Friday night went to the book store and hung out while waiting on the family to go to the movies...we went to see Dukes of Hazzard for Daniel's birthday...what a disgusting movie...there were more gd's that I could count in the first 10 mins alone...and Jessica Simpson was just plain slutty...she did nothing through out the whole movie but loudly use her body which was barely covered to get men to do what she wanted...oh that sends a great message to our young ladies...there was drinking, sex, and cursing through out the whole thing...I would not see it again...then Saturday we had our small women's group meeting and swam and chatted and ate all day...it was wonderful...and much needed...Sunday Children's Church was great and then we packed up to head to Clanton to do a Kids Crusade...it was awesome...though I was scatterbrained and forgot that I was supposed to do certain things...lol...but it really was awesome and Daniel did a character and he did so good...I was very proud...it was a great night...I think there were kids there that asked Jesus into their heart for the first time...and you cant top that...but I did also get to sing and worship twice in the same day...how incredible it was...and I get to tonight and tomorrow night...I love it so much...I love it love it love it...I guess it's that I am actually using my gift to draw others into worship...at least I hope I draw them and not interrupt them...lol...but I just feel so much joy and so complete when I sing...anyway I can not wait to get back there tonight...today has been okay...though crusades make it hard to come to a secular job and work...I want to be ministry focused all day every day...ONE day that will happen...I have no doubt...I am enjoying what I have now while I have it...well anyway I had better get back to work...not much more to say...Thank you Father for the opportunity to show/tell kids how much you love them...for the opportunity to lead them into worship as I worship you...for your amazing love and presence...may you join us again tonight and fill that place with your Spirit...change hearts and lives tonight....annoint the service and have your way in it...I pray all distractions would be gone tonight...I pray that the kids would be focused on what you want to do in their hearts and lives...I pray they would be open to you and sensitive to your voice...help our ministry team to work together and be unified and kind to one another...may we be nothing more than willing vessels for you to use tonight...thank you again for this incredible opportunity...I love you with all my heart and I want the children to know your love for them...In Jesus name I pray...Amen!

Gloomy

Kind of a rough day for me...dealing with some hard things...I am exhausted...emotional too...though I have not cried at all today...still emotional...dont know if that makes sense...it does to me...I am slow...quiet...I dont have alot of words in my responses to people...I dont want to run...I am being bullheaded both with God and the enemy...I am easily irritated...but not irritable...some here at work are really bothering me...the ones that usually would not...I have a sinking feeling in my stomach...like right before the roller coaster starts to move...its a meloncholy day I think...though my Choleric is never far away...

Ecclesiastes 3:3-7

...a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,

my God is good...He is loving, kind, and faithful...He gives strength, peace and hope...He is and gives LOVE...until next time...Seeking Him...struggling through!

I'll run with the horses!

You know working on yourself is hard and ugly...there are big things ahead of me that I see I need to work on...and they are ugly...there are things I dont see too...it is hard...so hard...and the Meloncholy in me wants to turn it inward and feel bad for myself...the God in me wants me to simply take it and fight against is and change it and grow...easier said than done that is for sure...and you can bet the ole devil is right there attacking...like he wants me to change these things he has spent years perfecting...I am reading out of several very good books...they both came from our sunday school class...one is the Spirit Controled Temperment...it was the last book we went through in class and I never actually read it all they way through anyway I have been reading parts of it and it has been really encouraging to me...I know I have many weaknesses in my personality but God can give me strength in those areas...and the book is helping me to see that...the other book is Running with the Horses which we just stared last Sunday in Sunday school...Jen directed me back to it this morning and I reread some of the paper PT gave us...and wow...here is a quote from the book..."It is easier to relax in the embracing arms of The Average, Easier, but not better, Easier, but not more significant. Easier, but not fulfilling. I called you to a life of purpose far beyond what you think yourself capabale of living and promised you adequate strength to fulfil your destiny. Now at the first sign of difficulty you are ready to quit. If you are fatigued by this run of themill crowd of apathetic mediocrities, what will you do when the real race starts, the race iwth the swift and determined horses of excellence? What is it you really want "Tabbie", do you want to shuffle along with this crowd, or run with the horses?"...wow...I WANT TO RUN WITH THE HORSES...I think that is the conclusion that God has been bringing me to through out my Christian walk...the book is a study on Jeremiah...and based off the analogyand it goes on to say this..."It is unlikely, I think, that Jeremiah was spontaneous or quick in his reply to God's question. He weighed the options. He counted the cost. He tossed and turned in hesistation. The response when it came was not verbal but biographical. His life became his answer, "I'll run with the horses".' I think I was quite a bit quicker to respond...but that was all God...God has set me on a path of healing, growth, that is much quicker than I ever thought...but there is a reason...no...there is a Promise...and He is working me toward that Promise as fast as I'll let Him...(I'm stubborn but when I do get determined I go for it)..."I called you to live at your best, to pursue righteousness, to sustain a drive toward excellence."...more from the book God to Jeremiah I believe...Isnt that what God has called all His children to?...A DRIVE TOWARD EXCELLENCE...PURSUIT OF RIGHTEOUSNESS...hard doesnt even begin to describe the journey...but I can sum it all up in two words...WORTH IT...more worth it than anything in life you will ever do...more worth it because everything and everyone around you benefits from that journey...your life changes, your goals change, your heart changes, or at least it should...we are not born with the right stuff...it doesnt just happen...it takes work and lots of it...it takes determination, it takes pain, suffering, and trials, it takes tears, PRAYER, and PRAISE...another thing that spoke to me was something my friend Jodi shared with me last night..."Praise confuses the enemy of our soul, praise while the enemy is bearing down"...Praising while we are being attacked...throws off our attacker...how awesome is that...hey why not try it ya know...I know I am going to...wow...I am ready to fight through this stuff I am facing...I know that all through out my life I will have battles...but I am ready to fight...Father I pray for Your strength...I pray that my eyes would be open to look at myself...I pray that you would walk with me...I know You will and You are...I want to continue on toward the goal of Running with the Horses...I want to continue on this journey...give me strentgh and patience when it is hard...encouragement when I am down...and direction when I am confused...I love you with all my heart...YOU ARE MY DESIRE...thank you for loving me and saving me and changing me...continue your work...In Jesus name I pray...Amen...well me Amigas...I must work...until next time...SEEKING HIM & FIGHTING THROUGH!!

Busiest Day EVER!

Aaahhh finally time for my release...I am so thankful...it is 5 and I should be leaving for church but I wanted to post before I left...I have had the busiest most stressful day ever...was yelled at twice first thing this morning...and the bottom fell out for the first hour of work...people yelling and screaming and flailing all about...well mainly only one...she is most definately choleric...my former boss...naming no names here...she has been out of control all day...but the worst and only part I was involved in was this morning...I was glad it was over...I didnt have time to be dealing with it...tomorrow is looking to be just as busy and stressful as today minus the yelling I hope...but God has given me little gifts through out the day...the guys finished shipping before 4...I had correct change in my ashtray...I found the pinks easy...and Deana picked up lunch for us today...see little blessings that I am thankful for...phew...I am still going full force...it is hard to slow my mind, body, and heart down after a frantic day like today...but God is good...tonight is church and we are going to just hang out with the girls since we only have 3 more classes with them counting tonight...aahhh...I think two of our girls are moving up...but we will gain some too...it will be hard to see the girls leave though...I love them...but I still see them in Children's Church...but it just seems that they begin pulling away once they leave Stars class...anyway tonight we are just playing games...it will be fun...I'm bringing Care Bear Uno, Guess Who, Life, and Bop It...I love Bop It...I played it the other night before I went to sleep and beat it...yes you can beat it...you just play the single player one and keep going until it stops...and I have done it like 4 times now...I am so going to have to get the Bop-it extreme...oohhh...better go put that on my Christmas list...brb...ok done...ha...yes I have started my Christmas list because when my moms ask me what I want I have usually already forgotten the things I thought about so I am making a list already so I dont forget...well God has so cool and has been answering my mini prayers...its neat like I ask that He would help me to hear my alarm when it goes off the first time instead of hearing it the 5th time...and He has...I asked for some other little things that He answered too...I am thankful...it is neat...I love it...last night prayer was so awesome...I love to just get in and pray pray pray...I always end up flat on my face just crying out in the Spirit...it is incredible...I love it...and I love when we all come together at the end in the circle to agree and pray together...we do that right before services at Kids Crusades too and I love it...oh oh oh speaking of Kids Crusades we have one next week...oh man I am Super Psyched...I cant wait...I love them so much...this one is in Clanton and I can drive there right after work...so that makes it perfect...and with the guys getting done with shipping earlier it is great...well I really need to run so I can go home change and round up all the games and head to the church and hang out with the Bible Quizzers cause tonight is the first night of Bible Quiz practice...and there may be some food left if I get there in time...wahoo...I love Bible Quiz...I can not wait for our first match...oh and Daniel's first football game of the season is this Friday night and then we are going to go see Duke's of Hazard for his birthday...I hope it is good...oh and Saturday I get to go swimming and I am super excited...I hope it doesnt rain...ok ok ok...I really gotta go...after church I'm going to Carrie and Boo's to watch Brat Camp...if you havent watched that watch it...it is awesome to see teens lives begin to change and them begin to heal and over come things...well alright...until next time...SEEKING HIM!

It's a long one!

Wow what a day so far...been husselin since I got to work...but it has paid off...last night I went to my mom's and watched home videos...oh my gosh it was so funny...when I first bought my mom her video camera two Christmas' ago Becky and I did and intro on it...it was so stinking hilarious...we sang Felise Navidad and then changed it to Police Stole my Car...ha...oh my gosh I was so fat too...it was so funny to watch...and then we taped holidays with my family...and awwww we had such an AWESOME Thanksgiving last year...I cooked and everyone came to my apt to eat Mom, Glenn, William, Brandie, and Jacob...and we all had the best time...we ate and played with Jacob and it was just the best it had been in so long...I so am praying I can make a tradition out of that...Christmas was good too William played with Jacob's toys instead of opening his presents we all turn childlike when we get together...it is fun...so anyway that was fun to watch except it made me super sick to my stomach...like getting car sick...blah...so we had to turn it off because of that and because it was getting late...so there is more to watch...I cant wait...anyway then I went to Jen and Jason's and laughed so hard at and with Jen...Jen you are a mess I'll tell ya that...and I love ya...then I got home and was sooooo hungry cause I was finally feeling better from homemovie sickness(ha) and so I made the only think I could find...first I had scrambled eggs with Katchup then I was still hungry and so I had oatmeal...I so need to take some time and buy some groceries...but I am never home to use them so most of the time it is a waste to go buy them...lol...I need some good ideas to fix that...like some really yummy quick non parishables...and by the way Easy-Mac is so not a non parishable...I tried to make some of that before the oatmeal and how about the noodles so would not even come close to getting soft then I looked at the date on the box and it said November 2004...EEEEWWWW...I know...but hey I thought that Easy-Mac didnt spoil...WRONG...ah ha...bachelorettehood at it's grandest...lol...anyway that was the extent of my evening...as I was going to bed around midnight I prayed that I would hear the alarm and get up and I did...wahoo...Thank You Jesus...anyway so here I am at work as usual taking my miniscule break to blog...I love to blog...its a great release and a great way for your friends and family to know what goes on with you...now I know most of the time my blog isnt this light...but dont worry I am about to dive into the God stuff...God is really showing me right now several big things I need to work on...there are so many areas...so many things I need to change and give to Him...it is hard...real hard...but I am excited about it too...because I know that it is going to benefit my future and my children in such a positive way...they will not have to deal with or fight through the crud that I have had to...and that is awesome...there are some things right now that I am unclear about exactly what God wants me to do...but I am trying to just be still in those areas and listen...I dont know that I am doing a very good job of that at all...but I am trying at least...I am super excited about the book we are starting in Sunday school...I think it is going to be challenging and great...it is call Running with the Horses by Eugene someone...the guy who wrote the Message Bible...which by the way I have added to my Christmas list...but it is a study on the book of Jeremiah or based on that book...but anyway I am excited and I have started reading Jeremiah...which is how I came about putting that on my Christmas list...because I was struggling reading Jeremiah in NIV so I looked it up on biblegateway.com and started reading it from the Message translation...much easier but it used the word sex and whore alot...freaked me out a little but I kept reading anyway...so anyway God is just really weeding out some things in me...some major things and showing me that I have caused alot of the things I have been hurt by...see how selfish am I that I am just now seeing I have been some of the cause...way to go Tabbie...lol...but better late than never right...and I am just praying that God will continue to show me and keep me open to it...I am so so looking forward to prayer tonight...it is such an awesome time...and I just plan to get lost in it...to get out there the needs that I know God can meet...you know that NOTHING is too big for God...not one thing is EVER going to be more that HE can handle...that just excites me...I really need to grab hold of that knowledge and hold on to it forever...I need to trust Him so much more than I do...in so many areas of my life...but today I am just simple excited...excited about the battles I am fighting...excited that I know Jesus is my Victory -- Jehovah Nissi -- excited that I have been promised a family that is beyond my dreams and wishes...excited that God is in control of my life(that is as long as I let Him be)...excited that He loves me more than I can fathom...excited that He has given me a profound love for Him and all people that I have never experienced before...excited that He has given me friends and family to support me and walk me through the hard times...excited that He saved me from the pit of Hell 4 years ago...man what an INCREDIBLE, AWESOME, MIGHTY, STUPENDOUS(Carrie's word), HOLY, LOVING, FAITHFUL, WONDERFUL, WORTHY, God we have...and to think that I have only allowed Him to barely show me what He can do and what He has for me and how much He loves me...it stinks to be born of flesh...lol...anyway that is what God is doing in me...Sunday was so awesome in so many ways...the highlight was Sunday morning worship/prayer in Children's Church...when I am singing to God I feel like I can just reach out and touch Him and that He is just listening to me praise Him and worship Him...and when I am praying with the kids I am the most complete...I love Children's Church...I love everything about it...I love walking in the door and seeing the kids all there chatting and I love when they hug me and greet me...I love looking at the outline to see the order of things and what PT has planned...I love rabbit...I love when Marcie does object lessons the passion you see all over her when she talks to the kids...I love the gorilla's especially when we have short ones(that was for all us short gorillas out there-we're cool) I love PT's magic tricks and how he interacts with rabbit...they have such a chemistry...I love that he got me out of my box and made me start singing...I love it so much now...I love to see the kids dancing and worshiping and playing games...I love puppet songs...I love sword drills...I love Object lessons, I love our round tables...I just love it all so much...well this is one of those days where I could just write all day but I am sure by now this post is a novel so I'll go ahead and go...I need to get back to work...its Data Entry time...my time to shine...lol...okay just had to make a funny...I am going to give a shout out to Neesie...I love you...you are more precious to me than I am able to show...and a shout out to Dad(I'm not sure if he reads this though)...I love you and and so incredibly thankful to have you as my Dad...I miss you...okay and last but NEVER least a shout out to Jesus...my salvation, my future, my Best Friend, my All in All, You are everything I'll ever need and more...my life is complete because of You...I love You with all my heart...
Jeremiah1:11-12
11GOD's Message came to me: "What do you see, Jeremiah?"
I said, "A walking stick--that's all."
12And GOD said, "Good eyes! I'm sticking with you.
I'll make every word I give you come true."
God thank You for sticking with me all the way...alright I am leaving you guys what that cool verse...until next time...Seeking Him!!

Great Day!!

Today is a great day...I started out with prayer even before getting out of bed...mind you I was praying that God would lay out the clothes I was going to wear to work for me...ha...anyway but I prayed in the car on the way to work and it was good...the whole weekend was just good...Denise and I started our scrapbook and it is looking great...we went to Tannehill...I found the perfect shirt to give to Daniel for his birthday and I think he really loves it...Sunday was awesome...Sunday school was so good...it was challenging and awesome...Children's Church was incredible...everything went great...Marcie did an awesome object lesson...worship was so wonderful...and praying with the kids was so great...it was just awesome...I think we had a fairly good turn out for Junior Bible Quiz...I am so excited about Bible Quiz I can't wait for it to start...I wish I could practice with the kids..but they practice while I am at work :(...but that is okay...and last night's service was great then we did Daniel's birthday after church...anyway it was a really good weekend and I loved it...and I feel great today...I am thankful...well for some reason I am not chatting here in my blog today...so that is a quick update on my weekend...all I can say is God is really working in me right now...there are some big things He is wanting to do and I want to do them...my ultimate goal is to be more like Him and be healed and changed so that I can raise healthy, secure, happy children...so I am working hard to do that with God and praying that my future husband is doing the same thing...I want us to be healed Godly partners and parents...I am willing to wait for that...I am thankful...it's all about God...His timing and will is perfect and I trust Him...until next time...Seeking Him!